Transcript

Hamilton: God has called us to be ambassadors even in this dark moment

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Darkness is not an affirmative force. It simply reoccupies the space vacated by the light.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: This is the, Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: It should be uncomfortable for a believer to live as a hypocrite, delivering people.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Out of the bondage of mainstream media and the philosophies of this world.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: God has called you and me to be his ambassadors, even in this dark moment. Let's not miss our moment.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: And, now the, Hamilton Corner.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Good evening, everybody.

Welcome to the Hamilton Corner. My name is Abraham Hamilton iii

Welcome to the Hamilton Corner. My name is Abraham Hamilton iii, joined by the real J. Mac, producer extraordinaire, often imitated, but never duplicated. Y' all know what it is. Mr. Jeff McIntosh, ladies and gentlemen, and we're ready to rock and roll. With today's edition of the program we're gonna have, we're planning to have a really one of the most important conversations we can have, concerning our lives and our current society, the gospel itself and the implications that are derived from, the gospel and how we have guidance to shape our lives. I've just been pondering and praying and thinking through the reality of familial disintegration that is normalized. In fact, it's the majority of the American population's experience at this juncture specifically. And I don't like even describing people in terms of Gen Z, Gen Alpha, millennials, because I know that those terms are employed to facilitate an ease of quantification and demographic studies. but it really flows from the sociological brain tree, that is founded really in a Marxist worldview, to categorize people, to group people in various demographics in order to make assessments. But it tends to have the result of, downgrading the dynamics of image bearers and being an image bearer of God. but the reality is, generations like myself, I'm an elder millennial according to the way that they describe these groups, generally speaking. But like millennials and in the younger generations thereafter, it's the majority experience for people in these categories that they come from families where they don't have married mothers and fathers. The fathers aren't married to the mothers, and the mothers aren't married to the fathers. And the term family is, it rings differently. And I think this difference is something that's kind of. We are aware of it anecdotally. It's kind of like the white noise and hums in the background. but I don't think we have processed appropriately the significance of that and how it impacts people and the decisions that they make as a result of that. So we're going to dig into that a little bit. during today's program, at this very moment, many of you, if not most of you, are making your transition from your part time jobs where you generate an income, to your full time jobs where you cultivate an outcome. And as you do so, I want to remind you to do it with intentionality, recognizing that what goes on in your house is far more important, far more important than what goes on in the White House.

Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians is divided into two halves

To the word of God we go. We're going to do something radical here. We're going to read significant portions of God's word. Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 through 33 is where we're going to begin the show. By way of reminder, Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians, really is divided into two halves in the way that it is written. The first half of the book is written in the indicative mood in Greek, which is indicating, what God has done for the believer. The second half of the book, chapters four through six, it's only three, six chapters are written in the imperative mood, which means that these are commands. In the second half of the book, we're going to read some of the commands that God gave to his offspring as it pertains to the marital union and the marital institution. Ephesians 5, verse 22. This is what the scripture says, wives. By the way, this is what the scripture says. Reiterate that real quick. Wives, be subject or submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the Church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that he might present to himself the Church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. For he who loves his own wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the Church, because we are members of his body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the Church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife, even as himself. And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. This is what God has commanded to his people.

The marital institution is the only human institution that God has established

All right. The marital institution. The marital institution is the only human institution, the only one of the human institutions that God has established. The marital institution is the only one that is illustrative in Scripture of Christ's relationship to his bride. The only one. It is unsurprising then, that this human institution, the marital institution, is also the foundational unit for civilizational stability and thriving. That is not a coincidence. That is not a casual occurrence. Not a casual occurrence. This is a product of divine design. The Creator God having omnipotence to do what he wills, when he wills, how he wills, as he unfolds human history, unfolds creation. The first institution that he established, that he establishes is the family, with marriage at the center. Brothers and sisters, I would submit to you that this reality is why there is such intense and protracted warfare against the marital institution. This is why there's such potent societal antichrist forces that seek to denigrate, to winnow, to erode, to destroy marriage. Marriage as an idea. Marriage is in its function. Marriage as an aspirational reality. You'll notice in Ephesians 5, when God commands, and I'm going to say this and continue to stress this, fellows, when God says, husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. I want to tell you that is not a suggestion. It's a command. It's not a recommendation. It's a command. When the scripture says that husbands, are the head. That a husband is the head of his wife. And notice it says head of his wife. Why submit yourselves to your own husbands? It is not a biological societal submission. No, it is not a biological societal self, sacrificial love. No, it's covenantal. Husbands are to love your own wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

Lord lays out criteria for eldership in the Lord's church

The Lord draws from this reality when he lays out the criteria for eldership in the Lord's church, which, contrary to some people's popular function and practice, the Lord has limited the eldership function to men. One of the criteria is that the would be elder in the Lord's church is supposed to be a one woman man. The English rendering of that is the husband of one wife. But the Greek text is a one woman man. To where there is a covenant and commitment and investment in the whole of the man, not only in physical Intimacy, fidelity there not only in being married to only one woman at a time, no, but having the entirety of the husband being solely and devoted to his wife. A simple way to say it is that godly men, biblical men, biblical husbands, especially those who would be be candidates for eldership in the Lord's church, they literally should be men who only have eyes for you. That's what the text is literally saying, that I only have eyes for you. This is why, and I was talking to my wife about this not too long ago, this is why as a godly man we have the wherewithal to identify the reality that there are beautiful women. But just because there's a beautiful woman doesn't mean I'm attracted to her. You see, because as a man who is called by God and indwell by his spirit to bear the fruit of self control, that attraction you recognize is a feature of covenant. Remember colossians 3, set your affections. Remember that as a godly man, attraction is a feature of covenant. Which is why I can say plainly I am only attracted to my wife. Because when you say attracted, you're attracted to what? And to do what what you attracted to. Huh? Huh? When the psalmist says I will put no unholy thing before my eyes. And there is even software to develop the ideology from that text called covenant eyes. Covenant eyes flows are the eyes that are held by a covenant man. It has biblical manhood. Similarly, or conversely, wives, submit yourselves to your own husband. It's not a categorical societal submission, it's a covenantal submission. It is submission that flows from oneness. He is me and I am Him. Not from some trans gender insanity. It's a covenantal reality because the two become one flesh. The wives biblical obligation. And I'll say to the sisters, just like I said to them to the fellows, sisters, the mandate to submit yourself to your own husbands is not a suggestion. It's command of God and it's covenantal. Submit yourselves to your own husbands. This reciprocal mutual and notice what they both says. Husbands, love your wives. Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as what unto the Lord. The object of both the husband and the wife's investment in their marital union is in holy reverence and obedience to the King of glory who has saved our souls and redeemed us. when there is a full on attack against God's institution, against because that is exactly what marriage is. It is God's institution. He is the one that ordained it. He is the one that said, it is good. When the scripture records Adam being alone in the garden, who is the one that made the observation that it's not good for him to be alone? Was that Adam's deductive reasoning? That's what Yahweh said. God is the one who said it's not good for man to be alone. And so the desire for oneness in holy matrimony is something that God announced as being good. But we live in a society because of the prevalence of brokenness and of various iterations of succumbing to demonic strategy that marriage has fallen into a state, a decrepit state. So societally what I want to try to hit today in particular is that this is not merely a feature of modernity. What I want to discuss is the reality that this is the product of a demonic strategy who's the objective of which ultimately is to thwart God's plan for his people and to obscure to image bearers of God the glorious goodness that he's made available for us to join him in fulfilling his mission and mandate for society. Simply put, by failing to understand what God has provided for us, that we put ourselves in a position to suffer the consequences of of endeavoring to do life contrary to where that God has established it and ordained it. As you've heard me say numerous times, there's a reality that a minority of image bearers of God will be those who have the vocation of singleness accompanied by the gift of celibacy, like the apostle Paul. But the majority of people will be called to follow the Lord into holy matrimony because God has designed us that way. When we reject God's way, we are the ones who suffer the consequences.

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>> Abraham Hamilton III: Shining light into the darkness.

God established marriage before you ever got to modern iterations of civil government

This is the Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Welcome back to the Hamilton Corner. Abraham Hamilton III here. And one other thing I wanted to say about the marital union is you'll note that God established marriage before you ever even got to the notions of modern iterations of civil government. The reason why I raised that point is because marriage is a pre political institution. What do I mean by that? Simply put, before there were there was government or the polis got established marriage. So governments don't have the authority to redefine marriage. Government solely has the opportunity to recognize and protect what God has established. So I don't care what, legislatures or supreme courts or Congress says, God as marriage's designer is its sole definer. No matter what you may call various forms of human relationships, they will never be marriage because God alone gets to make that declaration and definition. Now, that being said, I'm elated to have with me my favorite guest of all time, my lovely wife, Mrs. Maria Hamilton, the first, the first mother of my six children, wife. What we on, they said, well start year 18 soon enough. Yes, well, soon enough. We're 17 years in right now, though.

Kevin Durant says he struggled with depression because he didn't like his looks

because I was doing what I do, doing show prep, and I came across this clip that really, in my view, really screamed, screams the issue, one of the major issues that's affecting some of the, some of the younger generations in America. When I say younger, I don't mean like teenagers. You know, we're talking about people in their 40s, you know.

>> Speaker E: Yeah.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: but you have Kevan Durant, one of the best basketball players, certainly best scorers in the history of the game, who's made hundreds of millions of dollars playing basketball. And he was in this clip and he, in this interview in his podcast, and he made a statement, and in addition to making the statement that we're going to dig into. And I don't know if you even saw this part, I was telling Jeff about it before you came in the studio, that this multimillionaire basketball player said that, you know, he struggled with depression because he didn't like the way he looked. He didn't like the way he looked. He's over it now, though, but. And he's like, he's like, my five years ago, I was depressed because I didn't like the way I looked. I thought I was too skinny. I thought I was too tall. I was tall for no reason. Even though your height helped you make your money. Love you. But but it reveals, reveals something that I want to dig into because the fundamental misunderstanding about marriage in our society with our narcissistic, self absorbed society, we think that marriage is solely for personal self aggrandizement. Before we get into it, I want to play the clip, invite you to react and have a conversation around. It's cool.

>> Speaker F: Yeah.

Kevin Durant's plan for his life includes never getting married

>> Abraham Hamilton III: All right. Listen to and watch Kevan Durant speaking to and I don't know this podcast host, Bobby Althoff is her name. Listen, to him talk about his plan for his life, which includes him never, ever, ever, ever, ever getting married. Clip number two. Clip two, go.

>> Speaker F: You don't want to just have kids with someone. You want to get married first.

>> Speaker E: I wouldn't say get married. no.

>> Speaker F: Do you want to get married?

>> Speaker E: No. No.

>> Speaker F: Really? Ever? What if they sign a prenup?

>> Speaker E: That's not really a prenup though.

>> Speaker F: What do you mean?

>> Speaker E: I mean, cuz you'll still have to when you walk away, have to at least give something up.

>> Speaker F: well, in a perfect world, wouldn't you just not get divorced or like break up? You'd stay with them forever.

>> Speaker E: That's not ever going. That's not ever in a. I mean, I never seen that.

>> Speaker F: You couldn't do that, be with one person for the rest of your life.

>> Speaker E: I don't know if that's. I don't know. M. Who have you seen that, has done that?

>> Speaker F: It's a good question. Let me think.

>> Speaker E: I think divorce is actually more of a realistic.

>> Speaker F: Yeah, it is.

>> Speaker E: Because I understand, I mean, I failed. So higher divorce percentages are higher. It's just like the word marriage. I get it was more so like what that relationship is like. Like, do I want to be with somebody, every day?

>> Speaker F: Yeah.

>> Speaker E: Hang with the same person every day.

>> Speaker F: I think that's what most people when you're really old and it's like you're not going out anymore.

>> Speaker E: Without the option to do my own thing.

>> Speaker F: No, but you will. You'll have your own life. You're going to find a girl that you probably won't at this point. I think you might not, but I feel like the idea is that you'd find a girl that you want to spend every day forever with. That's kind of a long time, but it's really not.

You're 37. So at 37, this is not a young kid, right

You're 37. What's like the average age that men live till?

>> Speaker E: 40 years.

>> Speaker F: Yeah. That's too many.

>> Speaker E: I'm not gonna think, I'm not gonna plan for 40 year stretch. that's just Too hard to plan for.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Okay, now I want to clear up something that he said. You know, when she asked him what's the average man's lifespan, he was speaking of an additional 40 years in addition to his 37. So he was saying probably he expects, I don't know why he concluded that, but his lifespan to be somewhere around 77 years old. So that's what he was trying to say. but before I get into anything, Mrs. Hamilton, Ah, I toss it to you. When you hear that, what are some of the first things that jump out to you?

>> Maria Hamilton: So both of them have lived lives where they have had zero exposure to marriage. Like zero exposure to covenant, relationships, commitment, love. So at 37, this is not a young kid, right? Like I don't know how old she is. She looks younger, but we don't know.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: based on her own statement, she, she was married. She was married and now divorced. So yeah, at a minimum, old enough to be married and divorced.

>> Maria Hamilton: And you know what's interesting? When he says, I mean, think about it, that like the majority, pretty much. In other words, the majority of people get divorced. So the standard is divorced. The standard is not marriage. Right.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: And we see that in his experience.

>> Maria Hamilton: Right, but what we see that society. And I'm not saying he's right across the board, but we see that a lot in society. Right.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Well, he's not right comprehensively, but as the age skews younger. He is Right.

>> Maria Hamilton: That is what they're experiencing. Right. Like the younger generation.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: The data supports it too.

>> Maria Hamilton: Right?

>> Abraham Hamilton III: That's just younger.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah. so, so with that in mind, right. When we, and that's, I mean, he's lost. We can't expect anything more. We can't expect somebody that does not know the truth, see the truth and identify.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: I think he might profess to be.

>> Maria Hamilton: A Christian at one point. Profess Christianity. That's true.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: When he's young. I'm not, I'm not saying, I'm affirming that and confirming that. I'm just saying that.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: I don't know if he would. He would probably say he's a Christian.

>> Maria Hamilton: Correct? Yeah. And I know he did it once upon a time, but. So my point is though, for a person who is living the life that he's living and has this mentality and has this lack of exposure to the truth, at least in marriage. we are living in a time where the standard is what is therefore true to people. Right. So he's saying.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Wait, what do you mean when you say the standard? The Standard, what they see the most frequent occurrence.

>> Maria Hamilton: There we go. That's a better word. There we go. Yeah. The most frequent occurrence of what they're experiencing to them dictates then what is true, right? So he's like. Because the majority of people are divorcing, in his perspective, then, therefore, marriage is not a thing. It should not be pursued because the likelihood of it failing is high. Right? So, it grieves me, man, because, like, what are we doing? And here's the thing. We cannot expect. You always say it. We cannot expect the world to produce righteousness.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: The world is going to world.

>> Maria Hamilton: The world is going to world. So then what are we doing in the church? And are we allowing the enemy to infiltrate, which we are seeing? The enemy has, come in and convinced us within the body of Christ that marriage is little. It's unimportant. It is not what we should pursue. Hope, who needs it for what purpose? You're going to lose yourself. You're not going to have, like you said, you're not going to be able to do your own thing. How can you be with this one person for the rest of your life? And all these negative things. We are completely embracing within the body of Christ a worldly perspective and ideology of marriage, of covenant, of relationship. We don't understand it at all what Paul, what you read in the first segment. We don't understand at all what that means. What does it mean for, marriage to be the illustration of Christ and his bride? And so it's very sad. It just grieves me to know when. But again, we cannot expect him and her to know and see the right way of, you know, being married and the right way of living this particular aspect of what God calls us to live if they're not within the body.

Maslow: Millennials and younger have never experienced lifelong marriage

So we, it's, it's like our responsibility. It's not his. It's our responsibility as believers, right? To, to. To live it out. We are the ones that are called to obey God. We're the ones that understand it. We're the ones that have the insight. We are the ones that are supposed to be the light in this world. We got to live it. So we got to live it not just for him, but we got to live it for the sake of the gospel advancing so that people like him can understand and come to know the truth.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: His statements punctuated. for me, something I've been chewing on, and I alluded to this in the first segment already. when you have, you know, people listen to American Family Radio, you Know, and you have people talk about marriage, and I think about the life and legacy and witness of Dr. James Dobson, for example, how those concepts strike people who are similarly situated as Kevan Durant, because when you get to younger generations, and again, I don't like using these terms, but because they. People are familiar with them, I'll use it in this conversation. But like millennials and younger, the majority of millennials and younger. Significant majorities of millennials and younger are situated similarly to Kevan Durant in that they have never witnessed or experienced a lifelong marriage. They have never witnessed or experienced a husband committed to his wife and a wife committed to her husband for the duration of their natural lives.

>> Maria Hamilton: They don't know anyone. Like they. They were in their brains. They had no.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Anyone. Have never experienced it, have never seen it, have never witnessed it. And so when we. When we say the term family and family values, I think that one of the. One of the glitches in the matrix, if you will, that we have not considered is that when we say those phrases into terms, that we may have an intention in our minds when we say those phrases, but when people like Kevan Durant, who are similar to trade to hear them, they hear something entirely different than what we're saying.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah. You and I were growing up in the 80s and 90s, and even though there was a lot of m. Families that were being torn apart by the enemy, 1m of mine being one of them. Right. I still saw the majority of my classmates, for example, with intact families.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Yeah. See, my experience was the opposite.

>> Maria Hamilton: Right. But yours was, though, praise God.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: My God. My parents are still married. but the majority of my peers came from families. Divorced. Divorced families.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yes. So it was already happening at that time, but it's worsened now. Right. Like you have, after what millennials, after the generations coming after that are not. Right. So when we say family, what we mean as Christians is what God designed. Right. The institution of family that he designed, which is a husband and a wife committed forever with, but the capability to having to reproduce and have children. But that's not what they see. I don't know. I mean, I know that we've talked about, like, what the majority of people today would understand as family would be just reproduction, just having the offspring and focusing on, like, parenting or just providing for the. For the child financially or however, but not a commitment to the parent, the spouse, whether it's the wife or the husband, nor is it a commitment to the child's life. 24, seven. Right. It's at best like, you know, let's just co parent.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Yeah.

>> Maria Hamilton: And that's, that's destructive.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Which this entire conversation that we're having in, in this clip and the reality that we're talking about has really, really, really, provoked in me the fact that the body of Christ needs to do a much better and a much different and a, a, you know, a Martin Luther Reformation styled presentation of what marriage truly is. Because one of the things that has provoked God's institution being denigrated, become a societal casualty is that you know, Maslow's theory, Maslow's hierarchy of self actualization being the zenith of it, has so permeated the idea of marriage in our society and in our country that the majority of people, if you ask them about marriage, they literally think their immediate thought is that marriage is something that is for me, like this is something that this should, that should be my buffet.

>> Maria Hamilton: Pleasure. Children too. Right. We enter into any type of relationship, a life accessory. Correct.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: To make my life be full.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah. What I want.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Which has resulted in.

Even in the church, we have not conveyed what marriage should consist of

And I want you to weigh in on this. really, even in the church, we have not conveyed biblically what the aspiration toward marriage should consist of.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah. So Paul not being married, but being inspired by the spirit of God and Jesus not being married, but clearly being.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: God instructed, but he's married to the bride of Christ.

>> Maria Hamilton: The Lord, instructed and like you said, defined it. Right. So explained it, Defined it and, and commanded that we live this out. So in the body of Christ, what we have allowed is a downgrade because the world, the world we experience can utter destruction. There is destruction in marriage, in the, in the church, but we've allowed it at best, the best marriages. And your example growing up is, is one of that I'm about to say or describe is that at best you just stay together because you know, God hates divorce. But we are not married. We're not, we're not honoring the covenant. Right. So what happened?

>> Abraham Hamilton III: You just survived.

>> Maria Hamilton: You just survive. You stay together. Because, you know, we're Christians, but man, if we obey just what you read, Ephesians 5, right. And if you go back to verse one, right. It says, be imitators of God.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Yes.

>> Maria Hamilton: As children.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: As children. So the instruction is not just as dear children. Yeah.

>> Maria Hamilton: The instruction is not just, hey, Abe, what are you saying? Okay. Yes sir, right. Or, you know, vice versa. However you want to reciprocate that for the husband toward the wife, it is be imitators of God. That means in character. Right, in character. So. And he says Be imitators of God as, beloved children and walk in love. So you got to live out love. Yes, you got to live it out. You got to live it. It's an action word. It's not just. It's not a. Butterflies, Right. Alone, I would say.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Yes, yes.

>> Maria Hamilton: Butterflies. Right. And so. So we are failing in the body of Christ. But here's the thing. So the institution of the church is designed by God. First family, then church. The church is comprised of families, Christian believing families.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Uh-huh.

>> Maria Hamilton: Who are supposed to illustrate, demonstrate within the body and outside. Right. So outside of the church, outside in the world, what it looks like to be imitators of God and walk in love primarily with your spouse.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Yes, and we don't do that. Continue your train of thought. But I just want to interject something.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: So you mentioned the family as, the first institution in the church. And the church's job is to equip the saints for the work of the ministry comprehensively. So that equipping the saints for the work of the ministry includes equipping the saints who are unmarried, who God is drawing towards marriage, to have a biblical anchor and gospel centricity to their pursuit of obeying him by being made members of his institution.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah. To have a biblical worldview of marriage.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: To have a biblical understanding of what it is. I hear that disrespectful music. So when we come back, I want to begin by offering, some of the foundational tenets I would submit for you all's consideration. Your consideration for how do we recalibrate to offer a reformed perspective of a gospel centricity, of a gospel centric representation of what we should aspire toward in marriage. Want to do that when we get back from the break? You down?

>> Maria Hamilton: Yep.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Let's do it. More from the Hamilton corner when we get back.

Hamilton Corner features American Family Radio host Jenna Ellis on a worldview issue

Jenna Ellis.

>> Maria Hamilton: This may be the first time in US history that a mayor of the largest city in America is a self proclaimed democrat, socialist and a Muslim.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: She's an author, a constitutional scholar and.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The host of Jenna Ellis in the Morning.

>> Maria Hamilton: This is a. This is a worldview issue.

>> Jeff Chamblee: Listen weekdays at 7 Central on American Family Radio and find her podcast@afr.net.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: The.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Hamilton Quarter podcast and one minute commentaries are available at afr.net Back to the Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.

As Americans skew younger, most of their experiences include never seeing a lifelong marriage

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Welcome back to the Hamilton Corner, Abraham Hamilton iii, joined by Maria Hamilton the first and only. Get that right and keep it right. Ain't no first. It's the only. We're talking about marriage, man. And. And Confronting the reality that as, Americans skew younger, most of their experiences include never seeing a, lifelong marriage in their experiences. Some of you, as you're listening to me, just think in your own experiences, how frequent have you encountered, a husband and wife who have been committed to each other for the entirety of their lives. Faithfully committed to each other. I'm about to go even further. Faithfully committed to each other without straying. Faithfully committed to each other. I don't know. I don't know if I'm right. Faithfully committed to each other without straying, even digitally and visually. See in. And this is why I'm saying these things. We cannot allow the frequency and the prevalence of brokenness to reset us to accommodate what the scripture says is not normal.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: We tend to normalize what is experienced most frequently but to the exclusion of what the word of God says. And we need to have a recalibration. And even though the prevalence, most people's experience include having marital dissolution, that shouldn't change for us what the expectation should be and what should be normal.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

So one thing that you said, and you said this from the beginning, is commitment

So one thing that you said, and you said this from the beginning, and I think you've brought it up in when you do premarital counseling, it's the notion of going into a room without exit doors. Right. And of course people hear that and they're like, oh God.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Like that's in terms of illustrating commitment.

>> Maria Hamilton: Commitment, yeah. And it feels like jail, but it's really going into a room where you don't want exit doors like you want. This is your person, this is your human for the rest of your life. Right. And it's for the glory of God. So when we have that perspective and then we have differences, right? What we tend to do because we've thought of marriage as a how can you better and how can you improve me or how do you benefit me? Then what we do is we say fix yourself and I'm going to try to fix myself. And then when we're both fixed, then we'll get along and then it'll work and then we'll be happy and you'll make me happy and I'll make you happy and then we Kumbaya. But that is not biblical. That's not the design that God put in place for marriage at all. No, when, when God. And when you read it in Ephesians, when God says for husbands to love your wife like Christ loved the church, it is a sacrificial. But not only sacrificial, like, like he Just lays down for her. But it is a, it is a, A leadership role of healing, wholeness, restoration, softening, the rough edges, discipling.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Like the husband to the wife.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah, the husband to the wife. Like taking upon himself this bride without spot or blemish. Like Jesus is saying, I will come back for a bride without a spot of blemish. So I, like you always say I should be a better, more, More God glorifying human being because I'm married to you. It is not solely on your hands. I have to, I have to also desire holiness. But you help me in that. You don't just say, fix yourself.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: I should be an active agent in aiding you in becoming more Christ, like, Right.

>> Maria Hamilton: And then I am your helper. Right. So when I see areas where there it needs to be growth or areas where I'm like, ah, Lord, I'm concerned. Here I come along and help you. I don't dictate to you. I don't, m. Preach at you. I don't criticize. I come and help. Hey, babe, have you considered this? I see this. Let's consider this. Let's pray about this or something, you know, I'm concerned about. And so we help. I help you to be the man that you're supposed to be so that you can hear, well done at the end. Right. But when we are, when we are selfish in marriage. Selfishness destroys marriages. Let's just be honest. Like, when you boil it all down, it's going to be selfish. So somebody was selfish and destroyed the marriage. And the enemy uses that. Right?

>> Abraham Hamilton III: One or both.

>> Maria Hamilton: yes. And so when we take that into consideration, then we, then we go into the room without exit doors. Because we are. I'm here to make sure that at the end you hear, well done. And you're here to make sure that I am spotless and blameless at the end. Blemish free, if you will, at the end. And so aspire toward that. Yeah, yeah. And so that's how we become a light. We don't have to go and put on a face of perfection to the law so that they can want marriage. No, we just live marriage in our home. And can I just hear an anecdote real quick?

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Wait, before you do. And remember where you're going if you need to make a note of it, because I want to say something before you share an anecdote.

A few foundational tenets are needed to reform how Christians communicate marriage

because before the break I mentioned, I wanted to articulate, one of, a few foundational tenets that are needed in order to reform the way we communicate marriage and to change, to reform what we aspire toward. Because the reality is that the heretical theology of Jerry Maguire has infiltrated the entirety of the American body politic.

>> Maria Hamilton: I don't know. Jerry McGuire.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Sorry. Jerry Maguire is the movie. Tom Cruise and Cooper Goodingen. You complete me. That movie. It's like, nah, fam. A human being is incapable of completing another human being. Because you're both fallen.

>> Maria Hamilton: Correct.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: And so you, you are. You are. When you enter into the marital union from this position that this person will now, who is now a. An addendum to my life, that my life now should thrive in bliss. and if there's any, impediment on my bliss, then that means it's not working. It. It is, it is a heretical foundational understanding that sets one up to fail from the very beginning. Because what should be changed. And I'm talking, let's be clear. I'm talking to Christians. Scripture tells us plainly, be the believers to be equally. You are not to be unequally yoled together with an unbeliever. So I ain't even talking about being joined to an unbeliever. I'm talking about the context where believers are coming together in holy matrimony. The thing that should be at the foremost of both the, the groom and the bride's mind and heart should be ascribing toward holiness and becoming more Christ. Like that should be the foundational understanding. And the. The responsive understanding of the groom and bride should be that I am here as a vessel of God to aid you in your journey to become more like Him. You are here as a vessel of God to aid me to be more like Him. So the primary consideration should be, and this is where the church has a role to play. Because the church is to equip the saints for works of ministry. The people coming together should recognize that God is divine. Sovereignty has led you to me to draw us together, that we are agents in aiding one another individually become more Christlike. And together we are fulfilling purpose. And that transcends you and I individually. That God has drawn us together for his glory. Sanctification and his glory are his are our primary concerns. And it is maximally desired for both of us. That is what we want more than anything else. We want God to be glorified and we want to be sanctified more than anything else.

>> Maria Hamilton: That's right. That's right. So if, if we want to do that, then we got to look at the example of Jesus character and his, his. The. The events that transpired in his earthly life that revealed to us how he responded in certain. Certain circumstances. Right. So because we gotta live day to day. Right. And it's easy for us to say, hey, be Christlike, but then in the moments where we gotta be Christ, like, which is all the time. Right. With each other, that's when the flesh wants to rise up and the enemy creeps in. Right.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: So let's be real practical with that.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yes.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: So there is. What you're illustrating is perfectly. Is beautiful. Please only use your train of thought.

>> Maria Hamilton: I got it.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Because in order for the Christ likeness to be formed, guess what God has to do. Expose the areas in us.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yes, Lord.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: That are not.

>> Maria Hamilton: And he does. Yes.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: So that shouldn't become something that communicates to the, to the groom and bride or now the husband and wife that there's a problem in marriage. No, it's not a problem. It's functioning as God designed it.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yes. And it's. And it's for edification and for sanctification.

When your spouse hurts you, how do you respond like Christ did

So the other day, you know, we got in a disagreement. Because I love this man so dearly. he's the, he's the one that can hurt me the most. Right. We always know that we're in marriage, we're going to hurt each other because we're the first. First point of contact, if you will.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: You are closest to. You have the most frequent opportunity to hurt more than anybody else.

>> Maria Hamilton: So then I can speak for myself. How do I respond? Like Christ, when my husband hurts me, when he says something or does something that hurts, whether he intended to hurt me or not, when it hurts, how do I respond? And the flesh. And the enemy is just waiting anxiously at the door. Like the enemy, like the Bible says, he's knocking on the door for you and for me to respond.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Crouching at the door.

>> Maria Hamilton: Sorry, yeah, you know, I paraphrase a lot. and so he's waiting, to come in because what he wants is for us to respond in the flesh. And so when you hurt me in that day when, you know, you made a face, my response is defensive, lash out. I'm coming back with words that are going to hurt you because I'm hurt. And I love you, though, Like, I still love you through. Even during the disagreement. But I'm hurt. So I'm like, fix yourself. Like you're wrong. Right. And I want to let you know. And then. And, the emotions come with it. But then the Holy Spirit comes in and convicts because he's so Good. And so he says, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He may have been wrong, your husband may have been wrong, the wife may have been wrong. But how do you respond? Because you cannot change them. You cannot make them behave or act in the way that Christ is requiring for them to behave and act. So how do you respond? Like Christ. And so in that moment in our discussion, difference, disagreement, I responded out of pain and lashed out. And so then the Holy Spirit convicted me. And, and he said, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. How can you. Because he says, walk in love. How can you respond in love when you are hurt? Right. It's easy to not respond in love when you're hurt. But how do I respond? Christ was crucified. He died for the ones that hammered the nails to his hand. Like he was hated and spat upon, mocked, beaten, abused by the ones he loved. So he was hurt by those that he loved. So I am hurt by the one that I love in this disagreement. Right. And nowhere close to being crucified. Right. But I'm hurt. Christ died for them. So how can I die to my flesh and respond in love? And what I should have said, which I know we've resolved it and we discussed it, what I should have said is, hey, babe, that look you gave me, that just hurt me. What are you thinking? What is going on that causes you to be, to develop whatever emotion you're feeling that caused you to make that face, that. And I don't want anything to come between us because whatever we are discussing should never, be a source of division. So how can we discuss this without it hurting further versus why are you making that face, you know, and just becoming all emotional in the moment because it's out of hurt. So again, my gentle encouragement, which I'm trying to live up to, guys, is when we are hurt by our spouse, I've done it to you. You probably have angels you can share where you can respond like crush Christ. And the more we respond like Christ, the more we are being sanctified and become like Christ and the brighter our light will shine. Where you have Kevan, Kevan Durant being able to see. Wait, I do see. I do. I know someone. I know a couple who are living this out and who are committed to each other and who are not going to quit the first moment we hurt each other or, or are, in a disagreement, you know.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Now let, let's un, unpack that even a little bit more because what, what just happened when you said. And y' all can't believe this short. Because St. Abe over here, you know, my face is. I mean, look at this face. I mean, come on. Right, but in that. In the. In the hyp. In the. Not hypothetical. That was a real scenario, that one hypothetical at all. That was real. What in. In what happened? You were saying something to me. I made a face. You interpreted my face to communicate something, and it made you defensive. Right. We have natural humanistic tendencies. We've heard about fight or flight. Right.

When provoked to fight or flight, a coping mechanism is to lash back

Because of things you've experienced in life, things you've experienced with me, things you experience over time. My face in that moment communicated to you. I would say inaccurately, but it communicated to you something that provoked in you a need to protect yourself.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: So one of the coping mechanisms you've developed over time is. And I would say, a natural, some might even say carnal responses is when provoked to fight or flight, a coping mechanism is to protect yourself by law, by. By lashing back. Yeah.

When we have disagreements, God can use them to make us more like Him

All right, so what you just described, the phenomenon that we've been talking about, that when we have disagreements and God put us together for sanctification purposes and the Lord reveals an area that requires more Holy Spirit buffing, more edge smoothing, we can take those moments that God has allowed to transpire to make us more like Him. We can take them and turn them into moments that draw us further away from him and further away from one another. If we allow that to happen.

>> Maria Hamilton: Right.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: All right. So to the point that you made, when you communicate back to me with the proper perspective or whatever that's necessary, I then have an opportunity. Am I going to respond, Christ, like. Because the Lord wrote through the apostle Paul to Timothy, for example, that the righteous man is supposed to be godly, particularly when wronged.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Being wronged is not an occasion for ungodliness.

>> Speaker F: Amen.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Particularly when wronged. So when you then offer words to me that are less than stellar, how do I respond to that? Now, also, do I take ownership of, not only what I say verbally, but what my face communicates?

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: I express to you in that moment that I need to do a better job of making sure my face matches what's in my mind and heart. Because I know you and you know me. So even if in that moment you perceive something beyond what I was thinking, I have an obligation because I love you and I'm committed to you. And so we must have this mutual commitment first to God that causes us to remain in our commitment to one another, to not allow moments where we, both me and you, have an opportunity to. For, oh, this is an area where I need more refinement.

>> Maria Hamilton: And glory to God for that right. Glory to God that He does not leave us the same.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: Amen.

>> Maria Hamilton: Glory to God that we have the opportunity to be more like him that way. By fast.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: I'm not getting warmed up, Jeff.

>> Maria Hamilton: Oh, we need two hours, man.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: I, especially need two hours a day because the lack of having an enduring witness and look, man, I want to be clear what we're talking about. God has ordained his union, his institution for us to be able to enjoy lifelong commitment, unfettered intimacy, and have the glorious privilege of being more and more and more like Christ, day after day after day, which results in, guess what? Us being more one and more intimate and our bond being stronger. I am more passionately committed to you 17 years in than I was when we first said I do.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: And I know it's the same for you.

>> Maria Hamilton: You. That's right.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: So I guess we have to. Do we continue this thing.

>> Maria Hamilton: Yeah.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: God's marriage is wonderful when the people involved are submitted to Christ first, which causes us to be bonded to one another.

>> Speaker F: The views and opinions expressed in this.

>> Maria Hamilton: Broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.

>> Abraham Hamilton III: M.