Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the day. On my favorite day of the week, it is Friday. It is fry Yay. As my kids say. And hey, we've made it. We are going through September. I cannot believe how fast this year is going. It just seems like it's going so fast. But we're in September. We're about to be in October. And before I dive into today's message for you, I want to let you know that we are gathering stories right now to play during our fall Share a Thon. You'll know regular listeners. Twice a year we ask our listeners for support and it really is a time of celebration. We would love to hear from you. Has the Lord used American Family Radio in your life? Have we been there or given the right thought at just the right time? Please, please share your story. We would love to hear your AFR story. It could be a blessing and an encouragement to others. So tell us. We're inviting you to tell us how Christ has used AFR in your life. So all you have to do is just call this number that I'm going to give you 877-876-8893. That's 877-876-88 93. That's our listener story line And give us a minute or two of your story and you never know. You may hear your story played on the radio during Share a Thon. So thanks so much to all of you who support American Family Radio. We are so grateful for that. And because of that support, ah, we are able to bring you programming. And I know I hear from so many listeners who have their favorite shows during the day and I'm very grateful to sit here every day at 2pm Central Time and to be able to share with you hope for healthy families. It is a joy. It is an honor to be able to do that.
We are in A Journey 52 Habits for Healthy Families
And today I've got a big dose for you. And if you've been following along since the beginning of the year, you know we are in A Journey 52 Habits for Healthy Families. There's no magic life hack. There's nothing that is going to instantly make everything perfect. We don't live in a perfect world. We live in a fallen world. And we don't have perfect families. But we can have healthy families. And that has been my own personal journey with my family to overcome generational brokenness. And, and I can say I have a very healthy family. That doesn't mean that we don't have conflict. That doesn't mean that we don't navigate obstacles together. But we are healthy. And if you look back to January, we started with basic spiritual disciplines. We moved through the early part of the spring talking about some rhythms that you need in your family. Through the late part of the spring, we talked about communication. And all in the summer, we talked about technology, all things tech, because tech really does influence our lives. It influences our habits so much. And we spent a summer talking about technology. And during this last month, I've been talking about safety, because keeping our family safe is something that honors the Lord, and it is hard to keep our family safe online. But we talked about some other forms of safety, and especially body safety and school safety, abuse prevention, school violence. Those things are very heavy on our hearts. So if you missed any of that, go back and listen to any Friday show and you can catch up on all of the things that we talked about there. And we are moving today into a new phase of habits. And this is, my version of the Beatitudes. We're going to talk about ways to be, and we're going to talk about how today we love each life stage. And then we'll be followed with a lot of things. We'll talk about contentment, being a good friend, all those kinds of things. But today I'm going to set the stage with talking about loving each life stage. Now, this is much easier said than done. And Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. Now, these words were written many, many years ago by Solomon, who was the wisest man who ever lived. And it is still true today. There is a time for everything in a season for every activity. But here's the thing. We have kids heading back to school. We're in that season. And I want to talk especially to those parents for just a minute, because if you have, if you're a parent of a teenager, maybe a college student, maybe you have even older kids than that, maybe you're longing to be a parent. But you see those first day of school memories going through our social media, and you see all of these kids going back to school, and, and a lot of you are going to feel a wave of nostalgia about that. And if you're really honest, you might see parents today posting those photos of their younger kids. And maybe you feel a twinge of jealousy or Maybe you think I just have this overwhelming longing for a life stage that has long passed because gone are the days of big hair bows or the excitement over selecting a lunchbox, or maybe those little toddler sticky face kiss or joy overseeing you in the car line rather than embarrassment and bringing home artwork that's carefully crafted just for you. When our kids are younger, their problems are so much more simple. And we often are the hero of their story. We are wise and we are caring and they respect our opinion. They love us. They love themselves, quite frankly, and they love life with us. And we feel like the center of their story. But now all of a sudden, you might feel like you're plut where you used to be. The sun orbiting somewhere out there in the cold with maybe debates about are you relevant or are you not? And those school preparation maybe if you're in the teen years, you're arguing about clothes, you're reassuring insecurities, you're giving lectures about college preparation. You're telling them, you know, to all these things that are scaring you, that you don't want them to be scared. And you're getting told, don't take pictures because you know you're embarrassing me. All of those things, you're constantly plead with them, get your face out of your phone. And suddenly those things that you found exhausting about little kid back to school seem so appealing. And you wonder, should I feel guilty for not appreciating it more? You wonder, do they miss those days like I do? And what is going to happen on the first day of school that I won't know about? And all of those things, we tend to, long for that life stage that's not there.
Finding tension between past and present and loving every life stage
And so today we're going to talk about finding that tension between past and present and loving every life stage. One of the mentors that I had for me as a mom, that was advice she gave me very early on was love each parenting stage. Find something about every life stage that you're in to love. Because every chapter is a, possibilities, a book of possibilities. It is all new adventures and it is really hard. But some of that emotional reality, especially as our kids grow and they get older, we feel a longing for those sweet little years, the best years. And we think about when our kids are small and nostalgia is natural and it can be beautiful, but it can also really rob us of the joy in the present. So here is the truth that is hard for me and it may be hard for you. We cannot love who our children used to be more than who they are becoming. And sometimes when we look at those past pictures, we have such nostalgia. Our kids can feel like, well, don't you love me now? Like, am I. Am I enough for you now? Like, did you like those days better? Did you like me better when I was at that age, at that stage? And it can be hard because sometimes we like that stage because, frankly, we had more control and now we don't have as much control. And so it's hard not to be nostalgic about that. But again, going back to Ecclesiastes 3, it emphasizes that there are seasons in our life. Each one is God ordained, each one holds beauty. And Psalm 90, verse 12 tells us, teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. And we can have some of this perspective. Now, when we look at cultural perspective, modern cultural culture often idolizes those peak life stages, right? Like when our kids are young and innocent, or when you're young and you look young, or maybe college years are the best years of your life. When you think back to what is the good old days, what do you think of as the good old days? Those can be great old days, but we can miss out on the presence. And social media really amplifies this because we start to compare what we see with the nostalgia that we feel. It constantly shows us curated memories. How many of you get a time hop and you see this phase, of life, and then all of a sudden you start to feel, instead of just an appreciation for that life stage, you start to feel that little twinge of discontentment really start to creep up in your life and think, oh, that was. I wish I was back there. I wish I was in that life stage. I wish that this was before this had happened, before this relationship broken, before this person is gone, all of those things. But gratitude for the past shouldn't eclipse our presence in today. And that is really hard.
What life season are you in? What is that life season
So one thing that we can start off with is just what life season are you in? What is that life season? So often we long for another life season, but just identifying what stage you're in right now. Maybe you're in a transitional life stage. Maybe you're in the days of you just want to find that right person. Maybe you want to have kids. Maybe you're dealing with toddler chaos right now. Maybe it's those tween years. Maybe you're launching young adults. Maybe you're in your golden years. What are the joys that you have in the present? I really challenge you today to find some time just to reflect and think, what are the joys of this present stage? What stage am I in? And what are the joys that I am experiencing right now? And a lot of times now I am really big on tradition. I love, love, love traditions. And sometimes it's hard when those traditions have to evolve. But they don't need to disappear. They can adapt, they can change. What are those things that you loved about the past you could bring forward to the presence? But whatever you're thinking about what you love about your life today, I want you to think about the people who are in your life today and I want you to tell them what you love, what the joys are about your life stage. Today you may come in and say, hey, this is a really tough life stage as we just dropped kids off at college or we're first time empty nesters or our kids moved away or we moved or whatever it is. But find the joy that you can find in that. Because each stage teaches us something different about God's character. Maybe in toddlers we learn how to die to self, right? Maybe in with teenagers we learn patience. Maybe releasing adult children, that's going to strengthen our faith, strengthen our trust, strengthen our prayer life. And our goal is to have kids who are raised to independence. And so sometimes that can be a really particularly tough life stage is to go from, and being in the, in the middle of that parenting rush and then to be empty nesters. But regular regardless, regardless of whatever life stage we're in, we can find joy. We don't need to get stuck in the glory days of our kids childhood. Now sometimes what we can do is we can be so involved in what they're doing that we're more invested than they are. And I know that can be really hard. Maybe you're really, really invested in their volleyball and their soccer and their travel club. And then all of a sudden they don't want to play anymore and you think, wait, but I'm not ready for that to be over. That's so hard. Sometimes as parents we can push so hard toward future achievement. We can talk so much about college, about their sports, about their success, about their job, that we miss the beauty of now. So we've got to have a healthy balance. We've got to treasure the past, keep all those family photo books, retell all the favorite stories, those are the best. Celebrate the milestones. And we've also got to prepare for the future. How do we teach life skills? How do we instill faith practices that will last through every life stage? Go back To January, by the way. Praying, reading your Bible, going to church, listening to music. All of those things are practical in every life stage. And how do we do that? Because God is calling us to steward this life stage that we are in right now. And every stage equips you for the next. We have to trust God's timing that he will guide you, that he has ordained every day that you will live, every breath that you will take. And so when we come back, I'm going to talk about some of the modern cultural and digital thieves of joy that rob us of joy in the present. What takes us, that away from us. And I'm going to talk about three essential ways that your presence can make all the difference in this current life stage that your family is in. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, love the life stage that you're in. That can be hard. I look back and I see seasons, years that it feels like of trial and. But I know that we serve a God who loves to redeem, who loves to restore, who loves to renew. And he is planting seeds that will grow in another season. And we can look forward to that. More help and hope on, the way on loving each life stage after the break. Finally, some Good news. Over 38,000 babies saved and more than 4,000 commitments to Christ through the ministry of preborn this year alone. Here's Dan Steiner, president of preborn.
>> Dan Steiner: If we can get a mom into one of our clinics and show her her baby and she has that, close encounter of the best kind in her womb, she will choose life.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Preborn's network of clinics provide hope, love, free ultrasounds and the gospel in action across America. This is Jessica peck, known as Dr. Nurse Mama. Will you join PreBorn and AFR as we rescue 70,000 babies lives this year? For $28, you can sponsor an ultrasound and help save a baby's life. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby. Or donate securely at preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR.
>> Up + Up by Colton Dixon: Even though I walk through the valley sometimes it feels like a crawl through the valley but I got a promise that I hold on tight too I can't lose when I'm right beside you yeah God know the plans you have for me when my cup is over overflowing so while I'm in the in between imma live my life knowing if I get down, you pick me up from the ground you give me love that don't give out give in no condition you lift me up and up again no matter who's around I let my hallelujah get by like a freight train sunshine or rain I'll lift
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is up + up by Colton Dixon. And that's what we're talking about today on, this ask doctor Nurse Mama Friday.
The prescription for hope today is loving each life stage. Finding joy in every life stage
The prescription for hope today is loving each life stage. Now, you may be in a life stage that you are going through some tough things, and maybe you're going through a life stage that you're loving. Maybe you're feeling nostalgic about a life stage that has already passed. Maybe you miss those days when you were in college or when you were young and just starting out. Maybe when your kids were young, maybe when your kids were all at home, or you're just longing for a life stage that was today. My encouragement to you is to develop the healthy habit of loving each life stage that you are in. Finding joy in every life stage. Appreciating the past, looking toward the future, but being fully present in the present. Now, we've all thought it, you know, you think. Think back to when you were young, and you would think, oh, once I'm dating, once I find that right person, then life will be great. And then you start dating that person, and you think, if only they would ask me to marry them, if we were married, then that'll be great. That'll be the best life stage. And then you get married and you think, well, once we have kids, then life will be great. And then you go, once these kids are out of diapers, then things will be great. Once these kids are not teenagers, then life will be great. Once they move out. Wait, what happened? And we miss those things. And technology and cultural pressures and comparison. They really rob us of joy by convincing us that happiness is elusive and it always exists in another stage. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, right? Scripture reminds us in Psalm 118, 24, this is the day the Lord has made. This is the day let us rejoice and be glad in it. In it. And so we are in this day. So I've encouraged you. What life stage are you in? Are you naming it and claiming it? Because I find that even that can be hard to do sometimes. People will say, you know, like, oh, well, yes, I, you know, I here, but we're working on this. And you kind of tell even a little preview about what job you're looking for, what move you're looking for, what your kids are doing. They're in junior high, but they're going to do this. And we even sneak in those little references to the future. But what stage are you in? Be realistic about it. And what joy can you find in that stage? It may be a lot and maybe a little, but just start with one thing. Now, the things that steal that joy from us, a lot of those come from social media. We look at other people's highlight reels. We look at these perfect houses, perfect families, and we think, oh, if, if I was like that, if my life stage was like that, then I would be happy. Or if my circumstances were like that. And we see comparison across life stages. We see singles who are really jealous of married friends, and we see married couples who think, oh, I don't have that freedom anymore. They long to have maybe the freedom that their single friends have. Or you have parents who are scrolling through old baby pictures, longing for what was or dreaming of someday when they're grown. And we see this, this discontentment in whatever life stage that we're in. Oh, I wish my kids were older and know I didn't have to lug around this stroller. I wish my kids were younger and I didn't have to deal with this teen attitude. All of those things we, can. Comparison is the thief of joy. And it robs us a joy in our current life stage. But we also see things that rob us from the present, like digital distractions. Our phones are buzzing every five seconds, and we're missing conversations and we're missing sunsets and we're missing, hey, mom, look at me. We're missing those moments because a lot of things, we're looking at this life stage instead of looking at it with our own eyes, we're looking at it through the lens of a little blue box that we're holding up to frame it, to think, okay, I'm going to record this. And we so often become, thinking about, I want to preserve this moment that you don't actually live the moment in the first place. And that's really hard. And, you know, there are, there are humorous examples of that. Like, it's hard to appreciate family dinner when you're simultaneously looking up somebody from high school to find out whether they still have hair or not, you know, or what they're doing, what they're looking like and what is there. Or it can be really a lot more serious where we really are engrossed in our online life and we miss our life stage that's there, and that is really, really hard to do. And we, so we got to Reject those lies of I'll be happy when that's focused on the future. I'll be happy when this happens in the future. That's the best life stage. Or the past. Focus says, well, I was happier when this was happening. Or in the current life stage, you think, yeah, I'm here in this life stage, but everybody else is doing this life stage so much better than me. They have more money, more, more success, more relationship success, whatever it is that is, that's really hard to do.
So let's talk about some cultural, modern, cultural and digital thieves of joy
So let's talk about some of these cultural, modern, cultural and digital thieves of joy things that are stealing our joy in the current life stage. You, we see it on social media, you see all of these perfectly curated reels and it makes your messy house feel like, you know, a moral failing. Or you see TikTok trends and you think, okay, well I'm late if I don't redecorate my living room. Like my living room is brown and now the trend is gray and now it's going back to brown. And so you find discontentment in that. Or you may see comparison again across those life stages where singles are scrolling through all these engagement announcements thinking when is it going to be my turn? Or you know, or parents who are wishing for their pre kids spontaneity or empty nesters who want that chaos back. It is really hard to do. And so it's important for if you're single, don't believe the lie that marriage is the starting line for real life. And invest in your friendships, look at what joys you can find. Maybe it's time for you to travel, maybe you have time to serve, maybe you have more time to invest in your spiritual life. And that can be a gift gift. If you're newly married, don't miss those small beginnings. All of those things. The first like really tiny apartment, eating ramen noodles for dinner, having mismatched furniture. I remember those days and I remember thinking being discontent and thinking, okay, well one day we'll have a house and one day the microwave box won't be our dining room table. But you know what? I look back on those days and I think about how much joy and laughter and how much simpler things were there. And so things you can do to enjoy this life stage now are building traditions now, praying together. What traditions are you going to have that are going to stand through every life stage? Reading the Christmas story. Yep, I did just talk about Christmas. But reading the Christmas story on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, that's something that you can do no matter what life stage that you're in, think about those traditions that will stand the test of time. If you are in those days of early parenting, don't wish away the exhaustion. Everybody says these are the longest days and the shortest years of your life. And everybody says one day you're going to miss that chaos. And having been through that life stage, I can tell you, yes, you will miss that. So laugh at the mess. Don't take yourself too seriously. Just know this is the life stage that we're in. I know one of the things my husband and I had to do was say, okay, there's not going to be any floor redoing, there's not going to be any new furniture until everybody's out of diapers like we are. Just this is the life stage we're in. We're going to embrace it. If you're parents of teens and you're feeling the stress of that, don't let phones and schedules and stress and pressure rob you of the connections that you have. Look at the time that you have to ride in the car. If you are driving to all the things to get ready for all the future, then take that time to talk and that can be helpful. And for empty nesters or grandparents, you know, it's hard, but we've got to not spend all of our time longing for the past. Because you have a new mission field now. You have a new purpose. You can mentor younger families, you can invest in eternal legacies in ways that you hadn't before.
Being emotionally present in the present really matters for your family relationships
So there are three ways that your presence in the present really matters for your family. So we'll walk through each of these three ways and ah, I want you to really do a self assessment. I'm constantly looking at myself. This is something I struggle with. I know we all struggle with. But there's three ways your presence matters. The first way that you need to be present in the present is being present emotionally. Now this really matters because you may think I'm physically present. I am there all the time. I am at every game, I am at every concert, I am there every night doing tuck ins. I am there all the time present. But if you are not present emotionally, it doesn't matter. It's just a hollow shell. Emotional presence is the cornerstone of family relationship connections. And when we are emotionally absent, when we're distracted, when we're disengaged, when we're preoccupied, our relationships are going to suffer. And we find a loss of contentment in our current life stage because we're not emotionally present, our emotions are Longing for the past, longing for the future. But research shows that if you are consistently emotionally present in your family, you are more likely to be much more satisfied with your current life stage. You have reduced anxiety, even your physical health is better. And children who feel seen and heard in the present, in the now, they develop stronger social, emotional skills. And likewise your spouse, if they feel emotionally valued, then your marriage is going to be more satisfying in this current life stage. Now, the cultural reality says social media constantly sends the message your life isn't enough. And we compare milestones, we compare achievements, we compare vacations, we compare family photos. Yes, those ones with all the matching jammies at Christmas. And somebody is going to look at those and think, my husband would never. Well, that's okay. That's the life stage that you're in. But we can't let those social media scrolls foster envy and discontent in where we are right now. And a lot of times as families, we just kind of live on autopilot. And what our kids talking is just background noise while we're chasing the next stage or the digital distraction. You can look at social media and there are all kinds of reels where kids are saying, mom, mom, mom, mom. Did you just hear what I said? And it will show a, mom. Which usually it is a mom looking at her phone and then asking something completely unrelated like, did you say that? Did. Did you hear that? Those are such moments of missed connection, and they contribute to dissatisfaction with where we are now when we're emotionally absent. What that can look like is like, how was your day? Fine. Just these really generic interactions instead of sharing our real feelings. Or maybe being emotionally absent means you're at that soccer game, but you spent the whole time scrolling through social media and looking at it. Or maybe you come home at this life stage and you have a messy house. All the sports equipment is just piled at the door and the refrigerator is empty. You can't find the remote control. There's peanut butter on unknown surfaces in here or other sticky things, you know, on the wall, whatever. And you complain about the messy house instead of being grateful for the life that is filling it. I know this was something really tough for me and my husband had to have a card reality check with me one day. And saying, you do realize that people actually live in this house, right? Like that there are real humans with real needs who really live here. We cannot keep this house perfect. I had to let that go. So ways to cultivate your emotional presence are to share your feelings. Like, instead of just saying, fine, just Say we. Don't say we're fine. Just say some other adjective. I'm joyful, I'm worried, I'm anxious, I'm happy, I'm relieved, whatever it is, Share those authentic feelings and be emotionally present by responding to those challenges with gratitude. So how does this look? So maybe you ask your teen about their day. How was your day? And they shrug and they say, fine. You know, what does that cost? Well, our kids feel unseen and unheard. They may stop sharing. They may start withdrawing because they think, you're just asking me that to check a box. Anyway, and maybe your spouse starts to feel like your roommate instead of your partner. Maybe daily life just starts to feel transactional instead of relational. But here's the contrast of that. If you pause and really listen and you look to see, what is the emotion in this moment? Can you name the emotion that your kid is feeling? Can you name the emotion that your spouse is feeling? Instead of just thinking, okay, what is going on here? Or, you know, what do I need to say to make this conflict pass? What do I need to say to avoid conflict? Like, or just be completely disengaged, but look and say, okay, I can see that my child is feeling fearful in this moment. How do I respond to fear? Okay, my spouse is feeling disrespected in this moment. How do I make them feel respected? How do we be present? That is really helpful. So pause and really listen. Repeat back what they're saying. Hey, I hear you're feeling frustrated. What can I do to help you? How can I pray for you? Those little emotional connections are really, really big. Sharing your own feelings, Just saying, hey, I'm really tired, but I'm so glad that we get to be here tonight. So I'm tired. We're gonna have pizza, but we're gonna have it together, and we're just gonna do takeout or whatever it is.
Who in your family today really needs that emotional presence from you
So I want you to think about, who in your family today really needs that emotional presence from you. Who in your family most needs that emotional connection from you? How can you give that to them? How can you say, I see you. I value you here in the present. What's one small thing that you can do? Because as we'll talk about some more, that emotional and mental and physical presence, they're all connected. Missing one takes away from the others. But think about that daily absence of emotional attention and what you can do to connect and to make it better again. Your family, they may not need the perfect meal. They don't need candlelight with jazz music. Playing from some organic, you know, feast that you've made. Although if that's your gift, you go and be blessed, my friend. They don't need a room that looks like it's ready to go on the market. A house that ready to go on the market. They don't need. Need a flawless schedule. They do need you here fully present. And right now, these moments go away so quickly. So today is the stage of life that your kids and your spouse, that your family will remember as the good old days. I love that sign when I see it in craft stores that says these are the good old days. Because one day they will be. You'll think back to that when we come back. I'll talk about the. The two other forms of presence that we need. We talked about emotional presence. We'll talk about physical and mental presence when we come back. I'll see you on the other side of this break.
>> Joseph Parker: A discipleship minute with Joseph Parker. He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in him I will trust. Psalm, 91, verses 1 and 2. In a perilous world, so many people are afraid. They're fearful. In a world where inner cities and many other communities are just simply dangerous places to be, we see the drug trafficking, human trafficking, muggings, murders, physical and sexual abuse. There is a place of safety in this world, and it's found in God. It's found in that secret place, that intimate relationship with God. No one can protect you like God can. But it's important for us to do our part to appropriate, to place ourselves in that secret place. Praying Psalm 91. Every day is a very wise thing for all believers to do. No one can protect you like God can.
>> Honestly, We Just Need Jesus by Terrian: When I take a step back, I can see it. All the pain, all the fear we've been feeling, losing sight of the thing that we're needing, that we're needing. honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Have we all gone mad? Have, we lost our minds? What used to be wrong? We say that is right. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is honestly, we just need Jesus by Terrian and it is very true in today's day and age, you know, sometimes it's really hard. We long for the past. Now. I am an old soul, and I really long for the days of Mayberry. You think about all of those idealized versions of when life just seems simpler, Maybe some younger people are thinking, wait, what are you talking about? This is the generational divide that we have. But it is important. It is so important. God calls us to be present in the present. Your family needs your presence so much more than you know. And that's the question that I'm answering today on this Ask Doctor Nurse, Mama Friday.
How do we love each life stage more than what it is becoming
How do we love each life stage? How do we not love what our family used to be more than what it is becoming, the work that God is doing? He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. And I've talked about this in one of the previous healthy habits, even in looking back at pictures. Sometimes when we look at pictures, we think, oh, those were the days. And we can unintentionally convey to our family, I liked our family better, I liked you better then. I was happier than that was. Those were, that was a better stage. And we need to convey to them, I love who you used to be and I love who you are becoming. And look back at those pictures and think of things that you can see that God did during that time, the ways that God was faithful to you, ways that God developed character traits in your family. You can look back and think, that was a really great year. Not because you won this or because you accomplished this, but because I saw you have courage that year, I saw you have patience that year. And we can be learned to be fully present in the presence.
So I'm challenging you to name the life stage that you're in
So I'm challenging you to name the life stage that you're in. To name it and claim it, to accept it and to think of one thing that you can think of that is joy in that life stage. I have shared often before I had four teenagers at once. My children are now all getting a little older and I have young adults now, but I had fourteens at once when I was actually doing my book tour about teens. And I would get the most negative comments when people would say that. And they weren't, they were not ill intentioned, but people would tell me how terrible it was this life stage, and how especially terrible it must be to have four kids at once. Now, a lot of times we use humor to hide our own pain and we talk about things in a way that hides some of the struggles. That's just trying to find a way to communicate about those struggles we have. But I found things that I was determined to find, things that were joyful about parenting teens. And I would share that joy back and just try to be encouraged myself and others to be present and to be thankful, because this is the day the Lord has made, and let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Being present mentally is key to thriving relationships and personal joy
So one way that three ways that your family needs your presence in the present. We talked about your emotional presence. That's so important. The second thing I want to talk about is being present mentally. So we need to see what our family is feeling at the moment. Not just what problems need to be solved, what lunches need to be packed, what logistics need to be scheduled, but we need to make that emotional connection. My family is feeling fearful. My family is feeling anxious. My family is feeling discontent. My family is feeling conflict. But we also need to be present mentally. And it matters because mental absence, where we're constantly worrying about tomorrow, we're reliving yesterday, we're thinking about yesterday, we're thinking about tomorrow. It really erodes, our well being. And Harvard research shows that when our mind wanders like that, it reduces our hap, our happiness. Even when we're thinking about things that are positive, when we constantly let ourselves go to those other stages of life and think about the contentment that we had there. And if we are chronically distracted, where you know more about how our brains work, we cannot multitask. That is a lie. That just means our brains are rapidly switching back and forth and we don't do it nearly as well as we pride ourselves on doing it. Those kinds of things. If we're chronically distracted, if we're not looking at our family, giving them the gift of listening with our face, but we're listening while we're trying to do something else, our mind is not there. That increases the stress level of your family. It actually reduces your memory. My kids will be first in line to say yes because they will say, mom, I told you that. I told you, I told you and I don't remember. But it impacts our sleep and our overall health and so mental presence. It's not just mindfulness. We're talking about a key to thriving relationships and personal joy. The things that keep our minds distracted from being present in our life stage with our family is our phones, our tablet, our social media, our computers, this constant need for comparison and validation. We have work emails, we have news alerts. We have all kinds of things that are constantly jerking our heads one way or the other, having fear. We hear news, and then all of a sudden our mind is consumed with that. I'm sure you were a lot like me when the news of at least greatest school shooting that happened at the Ascension Catholic School. That's all you can think about. You're just thinking about that, and that can be hard because we need to. Yes, we think about those things, but we need to think about the present and being present with our family and what they need right then. So how this plays out in everyday life. Checking our phone at the dinner table while your spouse is talking about their day, Thinking about deadlines while you're supposed to be watching a recital. Mentally scrolling social media while you're walking the dog. And you miss the fresh air and you miss the nature, and you miss the interactions. So some practical ways that we can cultivate mental presence are some of those tech habits that we talked about all this summer. Not adopting, multitasking, like when you're eating, you're just eating. When you're driving, you're just driving. When you're talking to your family, you're just talking. And think of it as parking. Your brain. You need to park your brain in the moment. Like when your kids are talking to you, think, okay, they need me to pull into a parking space here. I need to pull my brain over, pull it into a parking space, Stop and listen to what they're saying. Give them your whole focus and attention. And that is really, really helpful to do. So I want you to think about what distraction right now. What keeps you from fully engaging mentally with the people you love in your life right now? Now, because you may be physically at the table, but mentally, you're planning tomorrow's work. Or parents, you know, say, listen to me, but they're already. They're not really listening. And nobody's listening because you think you're not listening to me. And then maybe, maybe you can even pare it back exactly, yes, I am listening because you just said this. But they don't feel heard. That's important. Our family members often feel invisible when we're distracted like that, kids will think, well, then what I think isn't important. This isn't important enough to have your whole attention. And you miss those small but meaningful moments. That is really difficult. So I want you to think about what are the distractions that you can put aside and park your brain so that your family knows that you are mentally present in the present. Those are ways that we can be engaged in the life stage that we're in. The third one is the easiest to do, but the, but the most important and, and the most overlooked. So we've talked about being present mentally and emotionally, which are a little more difficult to do, but we do need to be present physically, and sometimes we do that. And then we pride ourselves on that and think, isn't that enough? Well, your physical presence is important and it But you've got to be emotionally and, and mentally present as well. Now physical presence can be really hard though, because we live in an age of digital silos where it's easier to not be present because maybe you're living in the same house but you're texting each other instead of going to communicate. Those are little micro moments of missed connection, of missed living in the presence. Because if you just text someone, what is your plan for dinner when they're two bedrooms over and they text you back? Maybe you miss walking into their room and seeing them working on a craft project, or seeing them worried about something, or see that they've cleaned up their room and you missed an opportunity to praise it, or you missed whatever might be going on that moment for connection, for conversation. But physical presence, being there in body and engagement, it is critical for our relational and emotional health. Eye contact, I've talked about this before. Eye contact for 20 seconds or more releases hormones in our brain that make us feel bonded to the person we're talking to. It's a built in advantage that God has given families. Having that eye contact, looking them in the eyes for 20 seconds or more, having a hug, having that physical engagement, that supportive hand on their arm, that arm around your shoulder, these things lower our cortisol level. They release oxytocin. That makes us feel bonded. Now the absence of that makes us feel lonely. It makes us feel burned out, it makes us feel invisible. And how does this happen? Well, we may sit together as a family, but each person is staring at their own device, completely engaged in their own little world. Or maybe parents are filming events instead of watching it live. Or maybe you're physically present at the work and school events or family meals, but you're doing just mentally and emotionally somewhere else. Maybe you're sitting on the couch together, you're scrolling, you aren't talking. You, you're physically there, you're driving to practice, but you're lost in thinking of what is next. That is important. So think about what are ways that you can engage that physical touch, that physical presence. Now for me, that is always My office can be a disaster, but I always have an empty chair in my office and that is an invitation for my kids to come in at any time. They know that chair is there for them and they can come in and just sit and be in my physical presence. And if they want to talk, that's great. If they don't want to talk, they just want to sit there. They can just sit there. But think about what are ways that you are encouraging physical presence in your family. Is there a place, is there a bar stool, in the kitchen where kids can sit while you're preparing dinner that just invites their physical presence? Is there a chair in their room? When you go in, you don't feel like you're doing, just standing there awkwardly, just kind of talking to them as they're sitting there. Is there an extra chair? Is there a place for you to sit down in your own bedroom? Is there a place for you to sit and to talk? Think about ways that you can cultivate that physical presence, that physical space for shared activities, whether you're cooking, you're cleaning, your gardening, wherever it is, whatever those family schedules are, that can be really important. So what can you do today to show up fully in body, mind and spirit, thinking about your physical presence, your mental presence, your emotional presence for the people that God has placed in your life, that is really important. Don't be alone together where you're physically together, but you feel emotionally unreachable. Look at those things that you, when you're emotionally absent, when you're mentally absent, when you're physically absent, you miss the moments of joy that God is giving you. And so how can you show up with your family in this present life stage that you're in? Body, mind and spirit, that emotional and mental and mental and physical presence, they're all interconnected and they're like, the three legs of a stool. And any absence harms your relationship, your emotional, your physical health. And it diminishes the contentment that you have in this life stage that you're in. By practicing intentional gratitude, being grateful, finding joy in the moment, the you can remember that the good old days are not behind you, they're being written right now. And being fully present today creates memories that you and your family will cherish tomorrow. And we can have a vision for our family to be content at the life stage that we're in, rejected that pressure that we have of fragmentation in our families because everybody's over scheduled and everybody's trying to go someplace different. And that can be hard. What are ways that you can come together? The biblical design for family is rooted in discipleship, in community. Those things are godly and contentment, which we'll talk about a lot more next week. It's not passive acceptance, just saying, okay, fine, I'll be content in the life stage that I'll end, I'LL accept it. It's active, gratitude, it's joy in the moment. It's saying I love this life stage because what it, is and we can model that as parents as by embracing our own life stage. Whether that is more crow's feet, whether that's career shift, whether that's empty nesting, whether that's launching teenagers, whether that's posting sweet little senior Sunday photos as a celebration of your child growing up.
What can you do to equip your family to embrace the upcoming life season
So I want you to ask yourself, what do you love most about this life season and what can you do to equip your family to embrace the upcoming life season? Every stage of life, every stage of parenting has a God ordained purpose. And we know there's a time and a season and a purpose to everything is I pray. Blessings over the families who are navigating transitions. It's okay to acknowledge your feelings if you have feelings, struggling, struggling emotions with the current life stage. It's okay. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel some loss, maybe even some loneliness. If you have that in that life stage, give yourself some permission to be human in that, but really reframe it as an opportunity. What do you love about this life stage and what is God teaching you? How can you practice being present in the presence, seeking joy and gratitude and embracing what God has given you? And whatever life stage you are in, I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. And no matter what life stage you're in, all of these healthy habits that we've been going over this year are good for everybody. Good for body, mind and soul. Thanks again for tuning in. I appreciate each and every one of you and I'll see you back here on Monday. The views and opinions expressed in this.
>> Jeff Chamblee: Broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
