Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck discusses abuse and suicide on American Family Radio today

Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And today, we have a very important topic to talk about, something that is very near and dear to my heart, something that is very difficult to talk about, but something that we must talk about. I think in today's world, there are many of us in older generations, I'm talking Gen X baby boomers, maybe even some of you who would consider yourselves elder millennials, who wish the world was a little bit different. We look back to the ways that the world was. We view it as simpler and, you know, just less complicated. But the truth is that the human heart has struggled throughout the course of history, and we can't make the world what it was. We to face what it is. And one of those things that we really need to talk about. I want to give you a content advisory that today's conversation is going to address some sensitive issues, including abuse and suicide. But these are things that I am committed to talk about because they are happening in our world, and we do need to work to protect our children and to help those who have been impacted and help those find help and hope and healing.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

So I want to start off by saying that today, this is Suicide Prevention Month. September is and if you know someone who's struggling, I want to make sure that you know about the National Suicide Prevention lifeline. That number is 988. Most of you know to dial 911 in an emergency, 988 is for a mental health emergency. And so put that number in your phone. You never know when someone might be struggling. And across the United States, youth mental health has reached a crisis point. People ask me about this all the time and ask bad as people are saying it is, and I tell them, I'm a nurse. I really feel obligated to give you an honest answer. And I think it's worse than people are saying it is. And we know that suicide, depending on how you look at it, but generally speaking, it's the second leading cause of death among teenagers today, second behind accidents, with nearly one in five high school students reporting that they have seriously considered it. Loneliness, depression, anxiety are climbing at alarming rates, and families are are often left searching for hope.

Dean Sikes has decades of experience ministering to teens across the world

And in the middle of this, I'm, bringing you today my guest, Dean Sikes, and he is Bringing a powerful message with his new book called you Matter Finding Hope and Meaning in Everyday Life. He has decades of experience ministering to teens in schools and community communities across the world. He has his own personal stories and experiences and stories of redemption. And through that, Dean offers both a personal testimony and practical encouragement to help young people see that they're lacking, do have meaning and purpose, no matter what their struggles are. So again, just want to give you that content advisory, allow you to adjust your listening audience if you have little ears around. We know that this topic is really difficult for some and we promise to handle it with the utmost compassion and care. And Dean, I am so grateful for you joining me today and stepping into this space where we really need to have some important conversation. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

>> Dean Sikes: Well Jessica, thank you, thank you so much for the opportunity just to just to be with you and to kind of just share some experiences that we've had along the way. And maybe by the time we're finished, we will do what I love to do and that is offer people what I call the intangible asset of hope.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I am here for it. We will definitely, definitely do that because there's always hope. And as people of faith, as Christians, we know that there's a hope that doesn't disappoint, that we can find hope in a greater story that God is writing in our lives. And God has written a pretty powerful story of redemption for you, Dean. And I know it can be really difficult for people to share their story, but what would you share from your personal experience that informs the work that you do today?

>> Dean Sikes: Yeah, sure, I'd love to. I'll give you the kind of, the quick overview. I have now spoken and ministered over 4300 events in the last 30, almost 34 years of doing this. And it, it all goes back to when I was seven years old. I became a Christian. I'll never forget the day. Know right where I was, know the address where I was, know the person who led me to Jesus. And I was in church every time the doors were open. I had Christian friends, I went to Christian schools. I mean my life was Christianity 101. And at 15 that took a significant turn because on a Wednesday afternoon at 3:40 I was sexually abused. And those 60 seconds changed the trajectory of my life. And I made a vow that day. And the vow was simply this. I will never tell anyone what happened to me. I went to church that night, went home afterwards as a 15 year old kid looked in the mirror, in my bathroom and in our Home. And for the first time in my life, I saw someone who was broken and full of shame, but yet I had done nothing wrong. But that's what the enemy does. He comes in with lies. And one of the greatest little sentences the Lord ever gave me was, you know, the cool thing about truth is it's always true. And that's why I try to bring truth to conversations with students in high schools. At 17, I failed P.E. not because I wasn't athletic. I played quarterback, taught tennis and played golf. I was plenty athletic. I just wasn't going to change clothes in front of anyone again. The vow, I'll never get hurt again. I'll never tell anybody what happened to me. At 17 and 18, my drug of choice was lying. I told so many lies, you had to catch me telling the truth. And I lied because I didn't like me. And the second greatest commandment in the Bible, Jessica says to love your neighbor as yourself. Well, if I don't love me, I'm incapable of loving you. I can't give what I don't have. I can't teach what I've not been taught. And so I lived this very fake, plastic, inauthentic life. And I was miserable. And that misery just kept building because as I share with students, if you and I do not deal with our emotions, our emotions will surely deal with us. And at 21, I had, I guess whatever society says makes you somewhat successful. And I was miserable because nothing will fill that space in your heart that is holy and totally and completely reserved for a relationship with Jesus. So at 21, I said this prayer. I talked to this God. I didn't know because you see, I was in church. I was. I grew up in a Christian home. I had, I did all the right things, but I didn't know God. I knew about him. And at 21 I said, God, if you're real, and I don't think you are, prove it. And I share with students every day. Don't ever ask God, the creator of the universe, to prove to you that he's real unless you're ready. And two weeks later, sitting in my office, dialing a phone off behind me to my left, I share this every day with people. I hope you believe it. It happened. But I heard the audible voice of God. And he said two words that changed my life. He said, call mom. And I instantly hit a second line in my phone, dialed my parents phone number. The phone rang six times, seven times. On the eighth ring, my mother answered the phone. She was disoriented I knew something was wrong. And I was about to know and learn that in that moment in time when God, who is so very real, spoke to me and said, call mom. And I did. And here's the touchy part that my mother was attempting suicide and I could hear the life leaving her body. I ran out of my office, jumped in my car, drove up Interstate 75 and I talked with God. And I didn't talk to him religiously. I spoke with him from just a real place of authenticity in my heart. And I said, I can't save my mom, but you can. I remember driving into my parents neighborhood from the outside in, their home looked fine. It was safe, secure, probably like where your listeners live. But from the inside out, my mom was dying. I've spoken with literally millions and millions of teenagers around the world. From the outside in, they appear to have it all together. But from the inside out there in their own private wars. I got mom to the hospital that day. A doctor looked at my dad 45 minutes later and said, there's no medical reason to tell you what I'm getting ready to tell you. It's a quote, miracle of God. Your wife made it, she's fine. You can go see her. Jessica. I heard miracle of God. I looked straight up to heaven.

Dean says he had an encounter with Jesus in a hospital corridor

I went, you've got to be kidding. Real. And I went on a walk. And I could take you to the spot where I leaned against this long corridor of this hospital and I had an encounter with Jesus. And from the top of my head to the soles of my feet, the warmest oil like substance just penetrated my life. And I could hear not an audible voice, but, in my heart I heard the still small voice say, I've called you, let's get to work. And I went, what does that even mean? He goes, follow the leader. And that's what I have been doing my best to do for all these decades since Dean.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: It's so difficult to find words to come after that kind of story. And you tell it so compellingly. And there's so many things that we can learn from that. But first of all, I'm just grateful, I'm really grateful for your courage and for your authenticity in sharing.

Dean, you went 22 years without telling anyone that you'd been abused

And one thing that I want to stop and just pause on for just a moment, Dean, is that I think it's very, very difficult, it's a lot more difficult for men to come out with their stories of abuse and you know, girls, it's, it's more societally understandable. It's acceptable There's a different posture that's taken. There's a different kind of weight and stigma that comes with that. And just like you described, I mean, your life was Christianity 101. You didn't do anything wrong. You were completely innocent in this. And I would love for you just to take one mom to speak to men out there who may be carrying that secret burden, still using a drug of choice, as you phrased it, lying, perfectionism, self destruction, alcohol, substances, whatever it is. What would you say to them about what you've learned and being able to sit here and share that so transparently? How would you encourage them to speak up, to share their story?

>> Dean Sikes: Yeah, that's a great question. You know, when I minister in churches on the weekends and I share my story and I give, an invitation, and I see these. I see grown men literally walk down an altar to an altar with tears streaming down their face because they've come face to face with reality and they've realized that hurting people hurt others. And that healed people help people get healed. You see, if you're, if you're broken as a teenager, you become a broken adult. And brokenness attracts brokenness, like health attracts health. And two broken people become one flesh. What do they recreate but generational curses? So when I share that kind of. The bells go off and my thing to men who are listening, and I know they're listening, and there's that pounding in the center of their chest right now. That's not my voice. That's God's voice, his prompting, saying, do you pay attention because God loves us? And I asked God one day, I said, lord, why did that happen to me? And I heard four words. Good God, bad devil. The devil comes to kill, to steal, kill and destroy. And when you come face to face with reality, Proverbs teaches us that open communication permits progress. I don't know if you want me to share right now, but whenever you want to. There was a real defining moment, Jessica, where everything changed and my life began to really get traction. And it changed. Well, I was, I went 22 years without telling anyone that I'd been abused. That's like compounding interest. I was speaking in Valley Forge and. And a 77 year old lady walked up to me. She said, can I tell you something? I said, sure. She said, when I was 15 years old, I was sexually abused. You're the first person I've ever told. And, honey, you're. You went 62 years without telling anyone. She said, yeah, I just felt like I could Trust you? Well, okay, you can, but let's get some help. 22 years after I'd been sexually abused, Jessica, I went to Home Depot. And if you, if you and I knew each other well, you'd be falling out of your chair laughing because I'm not a fix your person. But I went and I had two of my kids with me. And I went down aisle 21 and I turned right and I walked right into the person who had sexually abused me 22 years earlier. Remember a few minutes ago, I said, if you don't deal with your emotions, your emotions will surely deal with you. I have that T shirt in multiple colors because my emotions took over and I froze and I squeezed my kids hands so tight, they both went. Dad turned around. Somehow God got us home. I walked in, my wife said me, what is wrong? I said, not right now. An hour later, we went outside on our porch and I said, I want to tell you, you're the first person I've ever had the guts to share this with. But 22 years ago I was sexually abused. And today I ran into the person I will never forget. Her eyes filled with tears, she took a step backward, and her voice still echoes in my heart. Today she says, dean, everything makes sense. We've got to get you help. And I was prideful and I was full of whatever and I was like, no, I, know God. I know the word. I'm fine. She says, if you've been diagnosed with a real serious sickness, would you go to a doctor? I said, sure. She goes, no different. We're going to a counselor. Let's go and fast forward. I got with a counselor, a Christian counselor, and he knew about our ministry. He knew, he knew a little bit about what I do in life. And he sat down with me and he said, dean, I don't want to talk about your ministry. I don't want to talk about your airplane. I don't want to talk about what you do, how yours. I don't want to know your results. I don't care. But I do care about you. And that was new to me. That was different. I said, what would it look like? He said, well, it would be a conversation. And, the pride that was rampant inside of my heart because I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to unpack what would be very painful. It was so vicious. But the word says that he whom the sun sets free is free indeed. And this very, very brilliant Christian counselor who had tremendous empathy and compassion said to me, let's Just start talking. That conversation lasted 11 years.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, my goodness. Dean. So much more to unpack. We're up against our first break here. But you do not want to go away because you don't want to miss the help and the hope and the healing that is on the other side here. We'll be right back with more from Dean Sikes author of the book you finding hope and meaning in everyday life. And I believe that we can do that with God's help. We'll see you in just a minute.

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Finally, some Good news. Over 38,000 babies saved and more than 4,000 commitments to Christ through the ministry of preborn this year alone. Here's Dan Steiner, president of preborn.

>> Dan Steiner: But if we can get a mom into one of our clinics and show her her baby and she has that, a close encounter of the best kind in her womb, she will choose life.

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The intersection of technology and teen mental health is making headlines again

>> Can't Steal My Joy by Josiah Queen ft. Brandon Lake: In the Valley of the shadow I got a feeling it's season that'll make make me grow I'm still breathing I got praise in my lungs and a choir in my soul can't steal my joy can't steal my joy what the world couldn't give no it can't take away sorrow.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: welcome back, friends. That is Can't Steal My Joy by Josiah Queen, featuring Brandon Lake. And listen, that can be a really upbeat song. And you think can't steal my joy. If you really mean it, that's a lot easier said than done, because there are things in this world that are trying to steal our joy. We know God told us that Satan comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy, and he is doing that masterfully. I want to give a content advisory. Remind you today we're talking about some sensitive issues, including abuse and suicide. Listener discretion is advised. But we do want to talk about this. We need to talk about this, especially in church circles, especially in communities of faith. And I'm really concerned about the intersection of technology and teen mental health is making headlines once again. And recently, just in this last week, I've seen Been following the story of the parents of a young person who have filed a lawsuit against OpenAI. And what they say is that they allege that their child died by suicide following very troubling interactions with an AI chat box, a chatbot. And this is happening. This case is still unfolding, but it highlights deep vulnerability that many young people feel. They're already facing a lot of trials and tribulations and traumas during teenage years, but the digital world is making that even more so, and the reality is pretty stark. Nearly 30% of teens report persistent feelings of sadness, of hopelessness, and too many are turning to unhealthy sources for validation. Too many are experienced buried traumas that they have not been able to talk about. That might be big T trauma, like abuse, like a traumatic tragic event, or little T traumas, just all of the daily burdens of life, those little things that add up.

Dean Sikes says he forgave the person who abused him at 15

Today I'm talking to Dean Sikes, author of you matter. He has spent over 30 years reaching literally millions of teens with a radically different message. Your life has purpose. You are not alone, and you matter deeply. And today he is sharing with us how truth and faith and human connection and hope in Jesus Christ can break cycles of hopelessness. Now, if you heard the first segment, he shared his very powerful testimony. And Dean, I there. There just still are no words to convey the depth of what you experienced and the height of hope that God has given you in a radically different way forward. And you and I were talking a little during the. About what a role forgiveness has played in your journey. And so I would love for you to share that.

>> Dean Sikes: Yeah, it's, you know, it's. When I went through that Counseling for those 11 years, I was asked this question at some point. The question was, will you forgive the person who abused you? My immediate, strong, faith filled Christian response was, no, not even maybe. And they were like, why? I go, it's not fair. I did nothing wrong. And then I was asked the question, and it was the singular question that changed everything for me. And the question was this, was the cross fair? Dino? I was like, well, why did you have to go there? I said, I'm gonna need to get back with you. I went three or four days. I just. I wanted to get with the Lord. And I prayed and I knew I was supposed to do it. I didn't want to do it, but that's what I wanted to do. And what I needed to do didn't really matter. I. I just needed to be free. And so I did not go to the person I'M asked out a question a lot. I instead went to God and I said, father, I'm choosing because I know that choices create circumstances. I'm choosing. Your word says to choose you this day, who you're going to serve. I choose to forgive. And I ask you, Lord, to heal my heart. And it was simple. I would love to tell you that angels are doing high five in my office. That, you know, the heavens opened up and I saw the glory. None of that. I felt. I felt stupid. I felt like there. Because faith isn't feelings. Faith is an active force. And hope gives faith something to hang on to. And I would just keep saying it. Lord, I thank you that I'm free. I, thank you, Father, that I forgive this person. And one day, Jessica, I woke up, and the freedom that had hit my heart was unlike anything I had before ever experienced. And I could be in an arena with 15,000 students right now, and the person who sexually abused me when I was 15 years old could walk down the front of that arena, sit on the front row, and it would not faze me in the least because I'm free.

Every day in America, 5,600 teenagers attempt suicide

You mentioned something about social media.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

>> Dean Sikes: And you know, the average teenager will spend nine hours a day on their device, which is staggering in America today, every day in America, 5,600 teenagers attempt suicide. That means nothing to most people because they can't get their mind around. Let me give you a visual. In an arena that seats 12,000 people, that arena would fill up every two and a half days with teenagers who in the previous 60 hours bought the lie. And I see teenagers every day in schools. They come up to me and go, hey, I watch your videos. I watch it and I go, thank you. Please continue. In the last 26 months, we've had 162 million views of our videos on social media. Now, I say that only to say this. I didn't say we had likes. I said views. And here's the message to parents and their kids. If you're still counting your likes, you have no idea how much you're loved.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, that's good.

>> Dean Sikes: You cannot live your life on the perception of other people. It'll destroy you.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know it absolutely will. I will never forget, Dean, when I did a suicide prevention event in my community. And as these hundreds and hundreds of teenagers walked in, I gave them a post it note and I asked them a question and asked them to write the answer on the post it note. I said, what do you see on social media that your parents don't know about? And so they wrote their answer down and they went and put their sticky note on a wall. And of course the parents run over, they think they're going to see pornography, abuse, cyberbullying, you know, all of these things. But Dean, I was stunned. I was absolutely shaken to my core because as I started to walk down that wall, there was one word on 90% of those post it notes. One word. And that word was perfection. And I think we cannot understand what it's like to live in the fishbowl that they live in, to live in the constant pressure and to have that teen developmental brain where they can't really envision the future. And especially in communities of faith, Dean, teens will experience things like you did, experiencing abuse that you may not even have the vocabulary to describe. You don't even know really what happened to you. You just know the shame that falls down on you when it happens. And you don't have the words to even describe it. Or you may experience any number of traumas. Your parents fighting, getting divorced or mental, illness or substance abuse. Like that was in my home behind closed doors. And I think that it's really difficult for parents to think that it might be my teenager who's thinking this, because parents think this. Oh, not my teen. My teen wouldn't think that. My teen wouldn't do that. But Dean, I have sat beside so many families who have been blindsided by that, by. Blindsided by the, the tragedy of suicide. How do we start to change the conversation and actually talk about this in a way that is healthy and helpful?

>> Dean Sikes: Well, start by I, I share with parents, because parents these days say to me, I don't know how to talk to my kid. I don't know how to talk to my teenager. They're trying to be their teenager's best friends. And that was never the. That's not their, that's not our responsibility as parents. We are kids, best friends. When they're adults, that's different. All of my, all of my kids are adults. And the time for me to parent them, has long passed. I'm here to offer counsel. I'm here to offer suggestions. I'm here to listen. But if you've got teenagers in your lives, you know what most teenagers want desperately? That. We don't know how to say it. They desperately desire boundaries. Because absent boundaries, we taught our kids that with every privilege, there comes a corresponding responsibility. You know, the very first time I spoke in a convention was in 1993. And I asked this question, of the 600 kids who were there. How many of you have a cell phone? Of, the 600 there in 1993, three had phones. That means 597 did. Not today. If I go to, I was in a school just a couple days ago. I don't know how we're there, but the place was packed. Every kid there raised their hand. They had a phone. So parents have to understand that just because you give your child a phone and go, hey, enjoy life. I have a friend who had a youth pastor buddy who said, everyone come in on a Wednesday night. When you get here, there's a big screen there, we have a, we have a cable. We're going to plug your phone in and we're going to see everywhere your history has taken you, where you've gone on your phone in the last seven days. Every teenager in that youth group said, you're not seeing my phone. Except one, which told them everything they didn't know because there's no accountability. So I encourage parents start with just asking questions. If you don't know what questions to ask, here's, here's a simple one. What was your high today? What was your low today? Start there. What made it so great? What made it so challenging? I wasn't really asked those questions a lot as a kid. And the Most terrifying, traumatic 25 minutes of my day, Monday through Friday were the 25 minutes we had lunch at school. Because trauma is what happened to a person that should have never happened. But conversely, trauma is what did not happen that should have happened. And a lot of students I encounter on the road every day are experiencing living life with traumatic moments that they've, that they've just tucked away and again, not dealing with it. So I encourage parents to get engaged. If you've got a teenager and all you ever hear is, everything's great, there are no issues, everything's fun, you better start digging.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Because it's not absolutely. I find that teenagers want to talk to their parents and most parents want to talk to their teenagers, but they don't have the communication skills, understand each other. Teens think you don't understand the world that I'm living in. And, and parents just feel frustrated. They feel shut out of their kids lives and so sometimes they just kind of give up because they can't handle that rejection.

Dean Sikes says teens today buy the lie that their life does not matter

And it's so hard because I think as parents sometimes we put that pressure on our kids really to be our friend, like you said, Dean, and that is not how it's designed to be or we want them to give us that immediate feedback. That immediate gratification loop. Like, I need you to do everything well to be happy, to, you know, have your life going well. Because that's make me feel like I'm parenting you well. And I need to feel like I'm parenting you well. And we need to just sit in some of those uncomfortable spaces and communicate the message that, hey, what happened to you was not your fault, but how you heal from it is your responsibility. And we have to pick that up as parents, too, because if we don't heal our own hurts, they become our kids burdens to bear. And we see that generational trauma impacting us physiologically, even impacting the way that our DNA is read and transcribed to pass trauma on from generation to generation. But God is so. He is the author and perfecter of our faith, and he is the creator of our bodies. And he created it so that trauma could be healed, too, that could be reversed. And you talked about your drug. Go ahead. You have something to add to that?

>> Dean Sikes: Well, I was going to say that, if teenagers today do not feel seen or do not feel heard, they buy the lie that their life does not matter. And that takes them down this trajectory, this path of feeling hopeless. And the words very clear. Without a vision, people perish. Show me a visionless person. I'll show you someone on a track they don't need, what they do not want to be on. So I encourage students. Maybe you don't see anybody doing the one thing that you want to do. As long as what you want to do is legal, ethical, and moral. Maybe you don't see that one person doing it because we're all waiting on you. You to go do it. I mean, I've spoken. You know, Jessica, schools. I've had school shootings. I've stood on stages where kids have been shot and killed. I'm, one of the guys that they call when this stuff happens. And I've seen trauma. I've seen death. I've seen just unimaginable pain, But I've also seen rising from those ashes, victory. I've seen people grab hold of truth. And I think that's kind of what I wanted to just share with your audience, is that no matter what you've experienced, no matter what you m. Might today be presently going through, it doesn't last forever. There's. Every season has a beginning, a middle and an end. And if you can keep the hope alive, if you can keep focused on who is the hope of glory, if you can know. People say to me, dean, you don't know me. You don't know what I did last night. And you have the audacity to say to me with such great confidence that I matter? Because everywhere I go, I end everything I do with these sentences. God created you on purpose, with purpose and for purpose. And then I tell them why they're breathing. Because they look at me. They go, why? I take them to Job 33, verse 4. Sixteen words in that one verse changed me again. And it says this. The spirit of God made you, and the breath of the Almighty gives you life. There's one and only one reason that you matter. It's not your gpa. It's not how much money your parents make. It's not the car you drive. It's not your athletic ability. It's not your theatrical ability. It's none of that. Those are your gifts. There's one reason your life matters, and it's two word answer. And here it is. You're breathing. That's why you matter. The spirit of God made you, and his breath gives you life. God's never made a mistake. He did not create you. And go, oops. Jesus, get over here. You will not believe what I just did. I missed. I missed this one. No. Everything he's ever done has been intentional. So he did not need your help getting into this life. And conversely, he does not need your help getting out of this life. There's an appointed time for every person to be born and to die. And when that appointment comes, that time comes. God knows what he's doing. He doesn't need our help.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know these things that we're talking about, Dean? Abuse, suicide, school shootings. These are things that just grip every parent's heart with terror. The things that make us so sad. And. And people ask me all the time, how can you believe in a God that allows those things to happen in the world? How? How do you answer that question, Dean, and still say that you matter?

>> Dean Sikes: Yeah. John 10:10. The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. But Jesus came to give life and life more abundantly. God did not create robots. He created humans with the freedom to choose. He doesn't want anybody to die and go to hell. His word is very clear about that. But statistically speaking, if Jesus were to come right now, somewhere between 52 and 54% of the world who did not believe in Jesus.

Dean Sikes: God created the world by speaking, then he created you

If you believe how we believe, they're not going to heaven. That's not on God. That's on us for not believing. There's a real enemy out there, and he's vicious. And you and I will never beat the devil with. We don't beat thoughts with thoughts. We beat thoughts with words. God created the world by speaking, then he created you and I in his image. So if God created his world by His Word and he created us to be like him, the words we speak, I believe, create the world in which we live. And so what are we saying that's giving God something with which to work? Because the only thing God's honor bound to respond to is his word coming out of our mouth. In faith, the devil is. He'll beat us in the humanity of us every time. We cannot beat him. But the Jesus on the inside of us made a public spectacle out of the devil. Beat him on his own turf. He is a defeated foe. But we have to come into a place of alignment, I believe, with what God has done for us through Jesus.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And we will pick. We'll pick up that conversation. We're going to talk about that after this next break about oversimplifying it, because I think that's the grace of God in making things simple for us. We'll be right back with more from Dean Sikes. And you matter. Don't go away.

Buddy Smith: American Family Association stands against enemies of God

>> Buddy Smith: We live in a day when America's families are under attack like never before. Buddy Smith, senior vice president of the American Family Association. The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts. The Internet, Hollywood, Washington, D.C. america's corporate boardrooms, and the list goes on. at American Family association, we're committed to standing against the enemies of God, the enemies of your family. And we recognize it's an impossible task without God's favor and your partnership. Thank you for being faithful, to pray for this ministry, to give financially, and to respond to our calls for activism. What you do on the home front is crucial to what we do on the battlefront. We praise God for your faithfulness and may he give us many victories in the battles ahead as we work together to restore our nation's biblical foundations.

>> Nobody Loves Me Like You by Chris Tomlin : I stand in all of your amazing ways I worship you as long as I am breathing God, you are faithful and true. Nobody loves me Like you.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's Nobody loves me like you by Chris Tomlin. And that may be a message that some of you need to hear today. Sometimes we walk through life and we feel so unloved. We just feel like, how could my family love me? How could my spouse love me? How could God love me? Maybe that's because of the choices you've made. Maybe that's because of the choices other People have made that have been completely not your fault, that have hurt you, and you've experienced trauma, and you're carrying that. I want to give another reminder for a content advisory for today's show. We are talking about some pretty deep issues of abuse, of suicide, of self harm. And if this topic is difficult for you, please know that help is available by calling the national suicide hotline, 988. I want to make sure you have that number in your phone and you have the opportunity to adjust your listening audience.

The Surgeon General has declared youth mental health a national crisis

And on the hearts of everyone collectively, in our collective consciousness, in our communities, every parent, every teacher, every mentor, every pastor is aware that something is very deeply broken in the lives of too many people today, especially our young people. The Surgeon General has declared youth mental health a, national crisis. And there are skyrocketing levels of depression, anxiety. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people. But behind those statistics are very real people, sons and daughters and classmates and friends who are crying out for connection and meaning. And into this moment, I have today Dean Sikes with me. And he's bringing a vital reminder with his book, you matter. Finding hope and meaning in everyday life. This may be a book that you need to put into your own hands or the hands of someone that you love. And he's spoken at over 4,200 events worldwide. And he has a unique connection with young people, reminding them that they matter no matter what they've been through. God loves them. He has a purpose for their lives. And because they're breathing, just because they're breathing, they matter. And today we're hearing how his message is changing lives and offering hope in a real time of deep need. And Dean, you have, you've ministered to millions of kids everywhere. You have seen some very hard stuff, some very tough stories and people who have experienced trauma. And I'd love for you just to speak some words of hope for those who are walking that path. How do they find the hope and healing? What can we learn from what you have learned from kids all around the world?

>> Dean Sikes: Yeah, you know, that's great, great question. And I go back to Proverbs. Open, communication permits progress. You know, I was recently in a school, and a young man walked down this aisle towards me after it was over. And he had about eight guys behind him. And I said, man, you're a leader. He goes, how do you know that? I goes, well, here's the fail proof way to know if you're truly leading. Look over your shoulder, is anybody following? And he goes, well, I am the quarterback of the football team. I said, well, that makes a little bit of sense. He turns to these seven or eight guys, says, I need to talk to this speaker. I'll catch you at lunch. They dutifully turned around, walked out of the room. I said, what's up? He said, I just wanted to thank you for telling me that I matter. I said, well, man, you do matter. He said, you know, you asked those three questions. And at the end of every assembly, wherever I am, I ask three questions. Is there someone you need to forgive? Do you feel like you've been rejected? Because the other side of rejection is a word called accepted. And is suicide a real option? I said, yep. I asked those questions every day. He goes, I want you to know I raised my hand for all three. And he then began to just. His eyes filled with tears. I go, buddy, let's talk. He says, I know you got to go. I said, no, great thing about this is as a speaker, they can't start the next assembly till I get there. So you're more important than those 800 kids that I'm ready to go talk to. So tell me about your life. He said, well, I got a 3.8 GPA. I'm the quarterback of the football team. We're playing for the state championship this Friday night. We're going to win. I'm dating someone at our school. We're involved in our youth group. It's a very healthy relationship. I have a great home life. I said, you raised your hand for forgiveness. I get that. maybe you feel rejected at some level, okay. But suicide, Help me understand this. And as I stood there listening, this young man looked at me, says, dean, you cannot imagine what it's like to live the life I live in. Performance based living. I feel like I have to always perform to be accepted. We began to talk more about that, and suddenly he reaches into his jacket pocket, he pulls something out. He says, can I give this to you? I, ah, go. What is it? He goes, and he puts it in my hand. And it was a 12 gauge shotgun shell. This was at 11:15 in the morning. He said, today at 3:15, four hours from now, 240 minutes, he was going to the 50 yard line and he was going to end his life.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, my goodness.

>> Dean Sikes: But he handed me that shell. He said, because you told me that I matter, I'm going to choose to believe that's the truth. Just, just three or four days ago, an eighth grade young lady walks up to me just weeping. She goes, no one's told me that I mattered in such a long time, I didn't even believe I did. She said, but today I heard, here were the words she used. I heard the truth. Truth, I do matter. And I said, sweetheart, I just spoke to a lot of kids here, but if no one else got anything, you're the reason I came to this school today, for you to hear truth. So my point is this. Everyone's going through something. Everyone's got their own story, their own testimony. And we know the root of testimony is test. I encourage people. Find someone you trust. A parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a coach. Begin to begin to unpack. Don't, tell teenagers, don't talk to other teenagers. They're clueless.

Dean Sikes says he would not have made it without Christian counseling

They cannot help you. They can listen to you. They can't fix this. They're not, they're not equipped to. They're living the same life you're living. I'm a massive believer in Christian based counselors. Educated people who are believers, who have gone to school, who. And I'm not that person. I'm not a counselor. And I tell this, it's on all of our, it's on all of our work. Dean Sikes is not a licensed therapist. That's not who I am them. I'm a speaker. I'm here to speak truth. I'm here to bring hope and to point people towards resources and others who are gifted in what they're called to do to help us all get through this journey where there are traumatic events. I would not have made it had I not gone to a Christian counselor.

Very few people who have suicidal thoughts actually talk about them

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I know that it's so important for us to talk about this because very few people who have suicidal thoughts actually talk about them. And a lot of times the decision is impulsive. One study of survivors found that 25% of people who had attempted suicide decided within five minutes and another 25% decided within 15 minutes. And so a lot of times this is just a feeling of overwhelming hopelessness. And it's so good to hear you share those stories of hope, Dean, that speaking into this, talking about it is not going to give someone ideas that they didn't have before. It is not going to spur someone onto suicidal action that wasn't there before. Asking saves lives. Talking about it plainly. Asking, saying, do you have thoughts of suicide? And if they say yes, the follow up question should be do you have a plan? And if they have a plan that is emergent, you need emergent connection to healthcare professionals in your area. If you don't know where else to Go to, go to the emergency room if you have no other connection. But many times your primary care provider, a mental health care provider, people are there that can help you. But, Dean, before we leave, I think that we should speak to the people who have not experienced that miracle intervention. I know I was 19 years old when suicide first came into my life. My very best friend from youth group. I was in her wedding. I was one of two bridesmaids. And I learned that she had died by suicide at college. And I had no idea, none, no idea that she was even struggling at all. I was working at a pediatric clinic, and I got a phone call. And just absolutely devastating. And I remember being at the viewing and someone asking me, well, are you sure you were as good a friends that you thought? Because you should have known. Like, you're sure you didn't see anything? And I will tell you, Dean, I lived with the guilt of that for a very, very long time. And I've sat with parents who felt the guilt of that. Should I have said something? Should I have done something? Is this somehow my fault? And, and I think that we should speak to those people who are walking through that kind of pain.

>> Dean Sikes: Yeah. And it's real, and it, and it's, it's debilitating. I, I, I recently, several months ago, was called, by someone that, I knew. And their son, had ended his life. I mean, there was no advance warning. It happened suddenly, and I walked into their home and that they were, they were, they were sad and they were angry. And I said, you know, God's big enough for your anger. It's okay. It's okay to have those feelings of anger. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to not know. Not know. And one of the things that I have learned in speaking so many times is, especially with teenagers, the most honest answer I can give sometimes is simply, I don't know. I don't know why this happened. I don't know why your grandmother died. I don't. I don't know why your, your dog died. I don't know what it was that caused this to happen in your life. But I know this. There's a God who loves you so very much, who's promised to never leave you or forsake you, who's right there with you in the most painful moments of our lives. He's right there. And it's, well, if God's such a big, gracious God, what, Because there's a real devil and it's just that simple. And my. My mission in life is to help eradicate hopelessness and to help end teenage suicide. Because every. We've had 156,000 students not in their life after hearing our message that we know about, that were planning it, and that's 156,000 destinies walking the earth today. And I just think that if we can keep the lines of communication open. And I want to. I want to say this, too, Jessica. There's a. There's a ton of teenagers out there who are just knocking it out of the park, who are doing great things just because a person gets in a journey where suicide or depression or hopelessness takes over for a season. And that doesn't have to define your life. I mean, I'm, a walking example of that. It could have been my. It could have been my crutch the rest of my life, and I would have never been doing what I get to do today, or I could have turned it into the platform. And that's. I think that's the message, is what you overcome in life oftentimes will become the platform God gives you. I never thought I'd be speaking about this. It was. I was going into politics. I mean, that. This was never my work, where I was heading. But God. And those two little words. But God.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, those are my favorite words in the history of ever. And, I mean, many are the plans in a man's heart, right? But it is the Lord who determines his steps. And I'm convinced, Dean, that God's ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. And there's so many times that I think of the traumas that I've been through in my life and the broken relationships and the addiction and the generational, you know, curses that really. That are there. And I would ask the Lord, why. Why, why. Why does. Why me? Why does this have to happen? And I look back and I think, Dean, I, Finally, at the place in my life where I think I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change it, because those are the things that have brought me to the Lord. Those are the things that have opened up a platform for me to be able to share help and hope with others that are hurting. I don't want a Stepford wife's kind of life. You know, I don't want this Truman kind of reality. You know, I know that we live in a broken world, but God. Exactly. And that comes from the story of Joseph, you know, who was abused by his brothers. Who was sold into captivity. And he says, what you intended for evil, but God is going to use to bring deliverance. But God meant it for good. But God meant it for good. And I think that so many times when I think back to things I've experienced and I think, okay, but God meant it for good. God didn't cause that evil to happen, but he will use it for my good and for his glory. I would love to know Dean more about. I'm sure there's people listening who are thinking, how can I get in touch with this guy, learn more about his ministry. I need to know more. This is a message that I need to bring to my youth ministry, to my school, to m. My kids at home and my family, or to my own self. Where can we learn more and get more resources and learn more about what you're doing?

>> Dean Sikes: Sure. the best way is our website, you matter just youmatter.us That's. That has everything that we have to offer. We. And what's interesting, how God set our ministry up is we never charge anybody for our ministry. When I travel and speak, whenever there's no fees involved, we just go. And God takes care of it. I don't worry about it. We are, We. We give a devotional. You can download it at no cost. Daily devotion. A, daily devotional that I wrote that we just. We want teenagers to have it called Hope365. And then the you matter book. best way, the easiest way, just Amazon. You can just search you matter, Dean, and it'll show up. Or it's also on our youmatter.us site. So we have a lot of resources, Dean Sikes. On all of our social media, platforms, we're just all about, you know, saying to people we don't have all the answers. And I miss it every day, but I know. I know how to get the answers. I know where they are. And on, this one, on this subject, you know that Paul was very clear. He said, this one thing I do. I press forward to the call, to the prize. It was all singular. I believe when you're in your singular calling, all of your gifts work together for the successful accomplishment of that one thing God has put you on the earth to do. And everyone listening today has a calling. And you have gifts. My suggestion is go figure out what that is and get busy. Because there's a dying world out there who needs your involvement.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Because you matter. Because you matter.

>> Dean Sikes: That's it. You get it?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I get it. Well, Dean, thank you so much for the courage and sharing your story, for the help and the hope that you have shared. I just feel like there are so many things that happen in this world. Suicide is one of those that our hearts just grieve over. But I take comfort in the word of God that we do not grieve as people who have no hope. We do have hope. And I. I do believe that, that God created every human being. He loves people more than anything. And I think of the scripture that he who did, he who did, he who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all. How will he not also, along with those graciously give us all things? He will give you the grace, the courage, the strength that you need to face the child of today and of tomorrow once again.

Dean says you matter in Finding Hope and Meaning in Everyday Life

The book is called you matter. Finding Hope and Meaning in Everyday Life. And in this resource, Dean helps you break free from hopelessness, recognize where your value comes from, find a firm foundation of self worth and confidence, and find meaning and purpose in your everyday life. And listen, friends, wherever you are in this journey, I pray. You know, I pray every day that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you and that he will give you peace. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. And I pray that those things will flood your day. And I will see you right back here tomorrow for an Ask Doctor Nurse Mama Friday, where we'll talk more about 52 habits for healthy families. God bless you.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.