Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck talks about alcohol addiction on American Family Radio

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse. Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome. Welcome to my favorite part of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. Listen. We are on a journey that we started in January to look at family 52 habits for healthy families. And we have walked through a lot of different habits together. We've talked about some basic spiritual disciplines. We've talked about some relationship and communication skills. We've talked about some rhythms that your family should have. And as we move into the summer, we are talking about habits related to technology. If you've missed out on any of these go to the Dr. Nursemama coaching minutes, you can catch up and start adopting these habits that make our families not perfect, because there is no perfect family, but healthy. And it is amazing. I spoke yesterday about the ways that technology has invaded our lives and technology even impacts the topic we're going to talk about today. Now, today we're going to talk about something that is a little tender. And I want to give you a content warning before we go on. We're going to be talking about issues of addiction, but we promise to do it in a very gentle way, in what I would call in my professor voice, a trauma informed way, a way that is edifying and encouraging. This is a very real struggle. And for those of us who haven't walked a journey of addiction, we often think it looks like rock bottom. We are picturing someone who looks a certain way, who acts a certain way, who is in a certain place. But for many women especially, it looks like pouring a glass of wine after a long day. It looks like juggling a demanding job and showing up for their families, well, just quietly unraveling inside. And what a lot of people don't realize is that alcohol is much more dangerous than it is marketed to us through means of technology. And we are not immune to some of those marketing messages that come. But the truth is alcohol is linked to many, many dangerous health conditions, including heart disease, liver damage and at least seven kinds of cancer, even at low levels of consumption. But we see alcohol use really rising sharply among women, especially those in midlife. And we often find it easier as a society, in my opinion, to talk about men who struggle with alcohol. But women, it's different.

Sherry Hoppen was secretly battling a growing alcohol addiction

So today we are joined by Sherry Hoppen She is a wife, she's a mom, she's a grandmother. And she once appeared to have it all together, just like I was describing. But she was secretly battling a growing alcohol addiction, and her journey to recovery began not in a treatment center, but actually on a bicycle, riding hundreds of miles in search of healing. And now she is more than a decade sober, and she is devoted to helping women find hope and freedom. And her story is going to speak to anyone, man or woman, who's wondered, is this really a problem? And could I be struggling? You can find out more about Sherry at she surrenders.com and about her book, Sober Cycle Pedaling Through Recovery One Day at a Time. Sherry we are so grateful to have you here. Thank you so much for coming on today and sharing time with us to share the story of what God has done in your life.

>> Sherry Hoppen: Thank you, Jessica. It's an honor and a privilege on my end, too, and I'm always excited to share. it's a hard story to share, but I have felt from day one that if there's another woman that doesn't have to stay where I was, and it will help someone, that's what we're here to do.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Amen to that. And it is a struggle that comes with a lot of shame. And I have seen this struggle in my own family. I've shared with my listeners before that. I first discovered addiction as a strangling vine that ran through my family tree when I was in my master's degree program, getting my nurse practitioner certification. And. And we had to make a map of our family, and we map out things like heart disease or cancer, things like that. But really, when we start to look at things like mental health, when we look at addiction, I saw that it was there. And we all talked about the diabetes. Everybody know who's who has diabetes, who has high blood pressure, but nobody ever talked about addiction. Sherry, and what have you found, you know, from your own story? And now, in a decade of helping other women, how is alcohol addiction a problem among Christian women? is this something that is there that we're just not talking about?

>> Sherry Hoppen: You just nailed it. It is there. It's. It's very prevalent, and we're not talking about it. That was my biggest struggle was, I think that as Christian women, there's not a line in the sand. You know, is drinking right or wrong? and you can drink responsibly. You know, drinking is very social, and kind of the attitude of it isn't a problem until it is. And when it becomes a problem, it's really. I don't want to say Too late. But when it becomes a problem is when you get on that slippery slope. But, the Christian woman, what is she going to do about that when she first has that thought, Do I have a problem? I guarantee you she's probably not going to her church. she's not going to talk about it in her Bible study or small group. Because having been in those shoes, the number one thing you're looking for is maybe another woman who has gone through exactly what you have. And those women are out there. But you're looking for the Christian woman. You're looking for the woman that is going to tell you that it's okay to be a Christian and fall down this hard. Because I think as women of faith, we take on, an extra layer of shame and guilt. And that is. That's as debilitating as the addiction itself. And it can keep you in active addiction even longer, because of that. Because you're just. You're not only hiding from, you know, your family, your friends, you're. You're trying to hide from God. And we all know that's not possible. So you feel like you're just living this double life that, And it's a burden. It is such a huge burden. And the more that we talk about it, the more, women are going to find each other. And that's why I started what I did. I could not find that woman. I could not find that person to talk to.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, you said something important, Sherry. You said, it isn't a problem until it is. And the problem, I think, is that a lot of times you don't know when it is. Once you have that moment of realization, usually you're pretty far in and you're in pretty deep trouble. And you realize you're in over your head. I remember hearing about, a popular TV star from the 80s and 90s who was arrested for a DUI. And she talked about how she had been at a party with her family. She was there with her husband, with her kids, with her neighbors with families. And she didn't realize the serving size that she had in her wine glass. Like, one full glass of wine was multiple servings. And she didn't. She really didn't realize that she had crossed that line. And. And that stuck with me in thinking about that. Because that's the hard thing with alcohol. Because when it's in social cir. Circumstances, it's really hard to know when you cross that line. And you usually. Usually don't know until you've crossed it. And the Other hard thing about it, Sherry is that it's one of the only problems that you can have that demands perfection for recovery. When you struggle with addiction, falling down, like you said, falling down that hard setbacks are expected. That's a normal, healthy part of recovery. It's really hard to expect perfection from somebody going forward. But you look at that, being sober and the pressure to be perfect, I think would be really, really hard. Did you find that? Because as I read your story, Sherry, my heart just bled for you because I felt how badly you wanted it to be different. I felt how much you wanted to change. I felt how much you wanted to be in control of the problem. For it not to be a problem, but. But it just. It. The pull is so strong. How do you. How do you manage that tension now?

>> Sherry Hoppen: Well, I will say that, you know, back. And, you know, I know what you're talking about in the book, because I had many attempts to quit drinking, before that last, you know, day before the day one.

You fought to keep a liquid in your life that altered everything

That was my forever. Day one, was a push pull of, you know, let, me go back to the way I used to drink. I'll just drink beer. Let me moderate. And I look at it now, so it's kind of a hard question to answer because of the way I look at it now. And it seems unbelievable that I fought so hard to keep a liquid in my life that, altered everything in my life and damaged everything in my life like it was nothing but a destroyer. And because that's what alcohol is when it's a problem. There was nothing positive about it, but yet I fought to keep a piece of it. And that is why it has to be. I love how you put that, that it demands perfection. It has to be completely, gone. And the acceptance of that for the alcoholic. I know that's not a popular word. That's what I. That's what I was. So that's what I still say. So for me, as an alcoholic, I knew it. I knew it 100%. But I kept listening for the magic answer that, I was going to be different and I was going to figure this out. And, I mean, it's a growth process that you go through to get to that last day. But on the same hand, there's many times that I think about that. I wish I would have gotten it earlier and all the damage control, it would have had to do that earlier. But how I mentioned how I manage the tension today. So, you know, you read my book. It was a surrender to God and that last time that I surrendered, I said, I'll do whatever you want. I didn't say, we're gonna, but let's do this. You know, like, I give it to you, God, but here's how it's gonna go. And that's that. To me, even though I didn't realize that that was going to be the game changer, it was because I said, I'll do whatever you want. And I gave. I abandoned it completely. And I knew for me, drinking would never be an option again. I would never entertain the option. And I say that very guarded because I don't want to ever give anybody the impression that, you know, the hallelujah chorus went off and I stood up going, never going to drink again. You know, went from vodka in my purse, too. You know, like, I'm brand new. I was brand new, but I still had. I was scared to death because I had no idea what came next. and I just knew that I was going to do this, and it would be a while before, my husband would see that this was truth. And I honestly, as I realized that this was really true, this was really happening. God was taking me through, Was. It was the will to. To keep searching and keep growing towards this life that I knew had to be better than the one that I was living. And I feel like the day that you realize that the scale is tipping towards the life you're living right now instead of where you were, that's when the chance of relapse gets less and less. But you have to, you know, embrace that, and you have to, you know, want that. Because if you start thinking about, drinking and wishing that you could. One of the things that I tell women all the time is, okay, you wish, you want. You wish you could drink. So what does that look like? It's not one drink. It's drinking alone, or it's drinking to get drunk. It's. You're going to be right back where you were, and you really want to go through that again. So it's kind of romanticizing where we were in our drinking. And one of the things I encourage, every one of the things we do actually, is we write a breakup letter. Like, it's a. Like it's an old boyfriend that treated you terrible. And, Because we tend to romanticize that, you know, like an old boyfriend, like, oh, he was good. You know, he was really nice. And, you know, all the things that you kind of forget, and you have to remember what alcohol was doing to you and to your life. To your family. And I can 100% say that once I gave that up, that idea that alcohol had a place in my life, everything started to change.

Sherry Hoppen's story of overcoming addiction is inspiring

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, we are going to talk more about that and I think that people listening will find so much hope in your story, Sherry, because addiction is such a giant. And when I was reading your your book, I really sensed this shift where you moved from bargaining to surrender because early on you talked about, okay, God, I'll do this and then this will happen or you would make all of these rules for yourself, like, okay, I'm going to only drink at this time and have all these rules around it. But it's such a contrast because what you're describing, Sherry, is that was hard. I'm sure that was hard living with all of those rules, with all of that secrecy, the fear of being found out and then now walking in freedom where, yes, it's hard to get rid of those old chains. But you have found hope. Listen, we've got lots more to talk about when we come back. I'm going to ask Sherry about her hope thousand more than a thousand mile bike ride. Now, she was not a bike rider, but God provided this path and it is quite the adventure. You don't want to miss it. We'll be right back with more from Sherry Hoppen. See you on the other side of this break. Because of listeners like you, PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies. Your $28 to spend sponsor one ultrasound doubled a baby's chance at life. Your tax- deductible gift saves lives. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate, go to preborn.com/AFR. this June 24th marks three years since Roe vs Wade was overturned. But here's what you may not know. Abortion numbers have surged to a 10 year high. The battleground has shifted from the courtroom to our homes. Today, over 60% of abortions happen through the abortion pill. Taken in silence, often alone, PreBorn Network clinics are standing in the gap, meeting women in their most desperate hour. And here's what they're seeing. Young mothers, terrified, misled, are delivering their babies, tiny, perfectly formed, onto bathroom floors. These precious babies, once called just tissue, now lie lifeless. 11% of these women who take the abortion pill will suffer serious health complications. Countless others carry emotional scars for a lifetime. When you give to preborn, you're not just saving a baby, you're saving a mother, too. You're giving her hope, financial support and the truth. PreBorn has already rescued over 350,000 babies. But there are so many more who need our help. Your tax- deductible gift makes this mission possible. To donate now, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby.

Preborn rescue babies from abortion and lead their families to Christ

That's pound 250 baby or go to preborn.com/AFR. that's preborn.com/AFR. Preborn's whole mission is to rescue babies from abortion and lead their families to Christ. Last year Preborn's network of clinics saw 8,900 mothers come to Christ. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate, go to preborn.com/AFR. Turn by Ben Fuller Even drove past the bar. It turns out I'm not strong as I thought but that's when I learned that you are. When I'm weak, you are strong. When I fall short, you go on and on. When I run, I can't run long. Cause your love will chase me down Till I got nowhere to turn but Jesus I turn it all over Let you turn it around Turn it around Screaming my prayers I turn it all over Won't you turn it around Turn.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: It around welcome back, friends. That song is Turn by Ben Filler, Ben Fuller.

Christian women struggle with the truth about alcohol: It causes cancer

And it is a tough truth, but we are talking about the truth about alcohol today and why it matters more than you think and why there are so many Christians, particularly what we're talking about today, Christian women, struggling with this. Alcohol is so ingrained in our culture that many of us don't even think twice about it. We see a glass of wine, we see a celebratory cocktail. There is alcohol ingrained into every event, every place around us. If you go to a sporting event, if I go to a professional reception, there is alcohol everywhere. And I have found with. I have a family history of alcoholism. And so I choose not to drink at all. That's just my choice. And I find that it is so hard to say that it really evokes a lot of skepticism. And I want to do that carefully because that's my personal choice. But people will say like, why? What's wrong? And I'll get phrases like, you know, you're not going to go, you know where if you have one drink. Or you know, is there something wrong? Are you on medication? There's so much curiosity. But here is what's not talked about. The fact that alcohol is a carcinogenic. It causes cancer. It's the same category as tobacco and asbestos. And it does increase the risk for all kinds of cancers, even moderate use.

Sherry Hoppen hid her alcohol addiction for years

And for many, though, for many, especially women of faith, the conversation about this, about alcohol remains cloaked in Shame and secrecy. And joining us today is Sherry Hoppen. And she knows about this silence all too well. She's a devout Christian. She's a loving mom, a loving wife.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And she hid her addiction for years, thinking it was just her personal flaw was her lack of discipline. And her breakthrough really came through in a very unexpected way. And God orchestrating circumstances for her to go on a bike ride for more than a thousand miles. And today she is on a mission to equip and encourage women to surrender the shame, face the truth, and find real freedom in Christ. You'll be informed, challenged, I think, and deeply encouraged by her story. You can go to shesurrenders.com to find out more about her ministry. And also another great resource we would recommend to you would be Celebrate Recovery, which is present in a lot of churches.

Sherry writes a book about her struggle with alcohol addiction and recovery

So, Sherry thank you so much for sharing openly about your journey. And you wrote a book about this. And you said you quoted someone else in the introduction saying that that's what every family wants to hear is, oh, I'm writing a memoir. You're like, no, don't tell about all of those secrets. But your family has been so supportive of your story. Sober cycle and pedaling through recovery one day at a time. So I just want you to take us to the beginning of the book. You are actively engaged in alcohol consumption, trying to keep it a secret. Your family knows that you have a struggle, doesn't think that you're drinking. And along comes this very unexpected series of events where your husband and your son went away on a cruise, you're home with your daughter, and you end up saying, sure, I'll go ride on a bike for more than a thousand miles, but by the way, I don't have a bike and I've never done this before. Take us to this story. It really is unbelievable.

>> Sherry Hoppen: Well, that tells you what we will do to cover up our drinking. Because I thought surely if I do this, everybody that thinks I have a drinking problem will never think I have a drinking problem, because you don't do this if you're an alcoholic. So that was one thought. But it was definitely a God thing because I was working at a, at a pregnancy care center. And so I was working in ministry. And the director that challenged me, I. I just looked at him and, you know, I had kind of had a breakdown, as you read in the book. And I'd never said anything to anybody before, especially at work. And I thought he was gonna like, console me with scripture or prayer. Instead he said, you need to do the ride for life. And I just. Just laughed in his face. But, oh, my goodness, for like, ten nights after that, or as long as my husband was still gone, God, I would wake up and I'd be like, what? And it was about this bike ride. And the challenge was that we were going to ride to a conference and from Michigan to Texas. And like you said, I didn't even have a bike other than your, you know, the Okmart 10 speed from camping, you know. And honestly, my husband was the one that pushed me to do it. I started telling him about it, and he's like, you're doing it. It's. It, it's exactly what you've been praying for. Mentally, physically, spiritually. He says you're doing. I didn't have a choice. And I fell in love with biking. I really did. And I. 51 days later, I left on that trip. I left, as the book starts, with a horrible hangover. I gave into fear. And, so that's. The first couple days were a little sketchy, and, but I made it. The bike ride didn't save me. Neither did the second one or the third one that went to, you know, in the years to follow, it would still be a few years before I sobered up. But what I learned on those trips and, you know, being among, these great Christian friends that, I mean, we were not a professional bike team, you know, you definitely had to be, trained to do it. You trained a lot. And that training, was kind of my God time. And it kept me sober in the summers. And so I had a lot of successful summers, as I like to think about. But they were those bike trips, they were the thing that reminded me and woke up in me that the Sherry that I knew and loved, that had been gone for so long, she was still there. Like, I could still have fun. I could still make people laugh and make new friends. These people that knew nothing about me and my past or what I was going through. It was. It was really eye opening. And I know that God wanted me to see that. Like, here's. Here's what can happen. Because when you're in it as deep as I. I was, you cannot fathom what life looks like without alcohol. there's just no way to even see it. And I will say, too, I didn't have a plan when I came home either from those trips. You know, the. The hype wears off and, you know, all the planning and preparation, and there you are again. Whereas I wish I would have had a plan. Like, immediately when I came home to keep staying sober and, like, next steps and everything. But I didn't, because I had. Nobody knew. I didn't talk to anybody. So.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, you know, you talk a lot about that. And really, the. As you share your story of being on this bike ride, I mean, Sherry, I laughed, I cried. It was definitely better than Cats, but, you know, that's a low bar, I think. But, looking at it, you were so real. I mean, you talked about the, you know, the sketchy motels that you stayed in, the, your hands not working anymore. You talked about rashes and sunburns and just really being taken to the point of, you know, of complete humility, really, in some ways. And you were, as you said, you were going to those lengths because you were trying to hide that addiction.

There are barriers for women to disclose that they struggle with addiction

And I just wonder what kind of barriers there are for women to disclose this, that they're struggling with it, because even if they come to that point as you described, thinking, okay, you know what? I've been explaining this. I've been rationalizing this. I've been saying this is okay. And you describe in your book you coming to a, point where you knew it was a problem on a particular Christmas, and there were times through. Through with your family where it would come to the forefront and you couldn't hide it anymore. So I want you to take us through your journey and share from your perspective, what do you think those barriers are to disclosure? Is it going to rehab? Is that a big barrier because of the stigma associated with that? what do you say to that woman, that person who is saying, you know what? I'm there. I'm cycling in and out. I know I have a problem, but I just can't. I. I'm stuck.

>> Sherry Hoppen: Yeah. So what I would say to her is, I've been there. And I think the most comforting thing that you can do in any situation, whether it's addiction, grief, anything, is when someone stands in front of you and says, I know exactly how you feel. That's the first thing. But finding that woman that can say, I know exactly how you feel is pretty hard. ten years ago there, like I said, I couldn't find anyone. Your options, you know, are to call somewhere, you know, a facility or walk into a meeting. Like celebrate recovery or aa or are you Recovery? There's, you know, there's a lot. There's options, but it's a lot easier to walk into a meeting alongside somebody else or have somebody meet you there. my. Like I said, you Know, the, the church does not have help, most of them, for something like this. They might have a recovery meeting. But when I ask, ah, pastors, you know, what do you do if a woman comes to you about addiction and not one of them has said what they do because that hasn't happened. And my suggestion is to have a phone number that you can text and say, you just text this number. This is who you need to talk to. And you know, just a volunteer that is willing to listen and talk about their own experience and say, this is what I did, or this is the group I go to. and that is why I started she Surrenders Because I couldn't, I couldn't find my people and God literally kind of woke it up in me and said, you're gonna need to go find them yourself. And the last thing I wanted to do was talk about this and share my story. I had no intention whatsoever of doing that. And it was a gradual process, but I got braver and braver and finally I decided I was done doing this alone and kind of put it out there and we started this little community that's grown and it's virtual. So, it's a lot easier for a woman to take that step. They can stalk for a while on our forum and see, you know, like, what kind of women are here and they don't have to say a word. They can join, you know, our Monday night meeting if that's what they're ready to do. Nobody has ever said, I'm so sorry I came to Joyful Surrender, which is our Monday night meeting. Nobody's ever said that. Everybody feels valued and respected and you're just surrounded by women from all over the US who know exactly how you feel and can tell you what they did. And those are some solutions. But there are other, you know, there are, there's a lot more out there than what there used to be.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: But still not enough. Not enough. Because I know there's a lot of women who struggle in silence and you just use two words that I think are important to pause on. You said when you come to your recovery group to Joyful Surrender, you feel valued and respected. And reading about your struggle and having walked through struggle with a lot of other people who are really close to me, I think those are things that you don't feel when you're actively struggling. You don't feel valued, you don't feel respected. And you know, looking at some of the stigma, it's almost like you just looking and speaking kind of generally. If you have. If you hear a story from a man, maybe he's been to war, maybe he's been a police officer, maybe he's seen some trauma and talks about how he started drinking, that's almost garners more sympathy than. I was really struggling with the pressures of motherhood and trying to keep it all together. And maybe I grew up in a family where there was alcoholic predisposition that nobody talked about. There's a different kind of meaning that comes along with that. And when I read your book, Sherry, I felt. Felt that with your family. I felt that with your husband, you know, because he. He stood by you. He supported you. But obviously, there's just. There's a lot of hurt involved because you're hurting as someone who's experiencing alcoholism, who's experienced trauma, who's coping with alcohol, and then your family is hurting, and there's a lot of shame and stigma associated with that. Like, you don't want to. You. You wanted to be able to tell your husband, no, it's okay. You wanted to be able to tell your kids, it's okay. But that's a hard. That's a hard thing. So how do you. How do you balance that? You know, how that used to be the struggle that you had when you were turning to alcohol for coping, and that was hard, and it's hard not to have alcohol. But how has that changed the dynamic with your husband and your kids.

>> Sherry Hoppen: My relationship, as far as my, like, relationship with them? yeah.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

>> Sherry Hoppen: Well, it's. It's changed a lot. And it's organic. It's always changing. And I think in the beginning, in fact, I know in the beginning, the kids, they were, young adults. one was married, actually, and I wanted the kid. What the kids want to know, and I say this to women a lot, is mama, you know, mom's okay. She's done drinking. She must be okay. And I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want that to, you know, all bubble up. I didn't want them to ask questions. I just wanted them to think it was done because I wanted to put it behind me, too. And six months later, you know, this is really happening. I'm staying sober, and I'm kind, of flipping it in my head going, why is nobody asking me how I'm doing? What do they not care? You know? Like, shouldn't they say, mom, good job? I have kept them clueless because I didn't want them to ask those questions. So now you're kind of, like, struggling back and forth. So in keeping that, you know, so quiet and just making sure we don't ruffle any feathers, that was the worst thing I could have done.

June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture to show pride in homosexuality

And instead it kept everybody walking on eggshells for long, so, so long. And it wasn't really until about my five year sobriety mark when I really started being out there with speaking and writing and all the things that their realization of, you know, what I'd gone through and what they had to look for, you know, in their own, in their own life, you know, kind of came to a had and our relationships all started to change.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And I would say I want to hear more about this. I'm going to hold you right there, Sherry. We're already at another break. We'll talk more about how those relationships changed and finding help and hope with Sherry Hoppen. We'll see you on the other side of this break.

>> Podcast AFA Spots: The month of June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture to show their pride in something God calls an abomination. When you support afr, you help us continue to stand for godly values and provide the resources for you to stay in the know about the enemy's tactics. To say thank you for your gift, this month we'll give you the booklet Inside the LGBTQ push of the 1990s. To help strengthen your convictions. Just go to afr.net/offers afr.net/offers if.

>> Chain Breaker by Zach Williams: You'Ve been walking the same old road for miles and miles if you've been hearing the same old voice tell the same old lies if you're trying to fill the same old holes inside There's a better life, there's a better life if you got pain, he's a pain taker if you feel lost, he's a way maker if you need freedom, or saving He's a prison- shaking savior if you got chains.

Up to 1 in 10Americans will struggle with a substance use disorder

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's Chain Breaker by Zach Williams. And today that's exactly what we're talking about, is breaking the chain of alcoholism. And this is something that is very prevalent. It is happening much more than we think it is. Up to 1 in 10Americans will struggle with a substance use disorder. And for women, alcohol is often that hidden addiction. Even for women of faith, even for women who are sitting in church beside you, there are women who are struggling. Now, in some ways, alcohol is socially accepted and even encouraged and promoted as a coping mechanism, a especially among overwhelmed moms, among high achieving professionals. But the emotional and the spiritual and the physical toll is real and it's growing. And if You've ever thought I don't drink that much, but I don't know if I can stop. You are not alone. Our guest today is Sherry Hoppen. She has walked this very road, and for years she battled a secret addiction while fulfilling all the roles that everyone else except expected of her. And a, bicycling fundraiser unexpectedly launched her recovery journey. It wasn't through instant healing, as she has shared. It was a long road to sobriety, but a, growing surrender to God's grace. And now she's ridden over 17,000 miles. She has more than a decade of sobriety, and she is here today to help other women uncover the truth and lay down that secret that you're holding and embrace the abundant life that God offers. Her message is really powerful and really practical, and most importantly, it's full of hope. You can go to she surrenders.com to find out more about the recovery groups that she has, and she's going to be telling us more about those now.

Sherry shares about how alcoholism impacted her family and what she does now

Sherry before the break, we were talking about how alcoholism does not occur in a silo. It impacts the entire family. And as much as I see people who are struggling with addiction, they don't want that to be true. They don't want that to impact the other family because they're already experiencing all of that pain themselves. And they think, I don't want this to be hurting you, but it is. And so you were sharing about how it impacted your kids and how you talk with them and what you're doing now to empower other families to repair relationships that are broken by alcohol. So I'm going to give it back to you and let it. Let you continue to share from your heart.

>> Sherry Hoppen: Yeah. So, you know, we slowly, you know, we were healing. I said we were at about, you know, the five year mark when I started to get much more honest with them, about what I'd been through. And, well, then they read, they had to read the manuscript of the book. So, like, ah, then they really found out a lot more, but they were old enough to handle it. And we became closer as a family the more honest we were with each other. And another thing that I always point out is not everything wrong in your family is because you drank. and not everything in your family is going to get better because you quit drinking. And we had to, like, unpack some of that too, because some things didn't change and they needed to be addressed whether I was drinking or not. And, you know, there's family dynamics that are happening, that have Nothing to do with the addiction. So you know, give yourself a little grace there too. but the biggest thing is, is that our family became very passionate, you know, about addiction and I will tell you that. And this is about my daughter in law and she's very public about this. in fact I have a podcast on she surrenders and she told her story there. She I'm watching my kids for addiction to show up. they're older, college, married. I'm watching them with the mother's eagle eye. And I feel like while I wasn't watching, the evil came in and just took my daughter in law. And unbeknownst to us she was, she had a prescription drug addiction. She was his high school sweetheart. We've known this young woman forever. It's the most uncharacteristic thing I've ever seen happen to anybody. And but it happened and we were blindsided and we could not find treatment in the moment for her. We're calling places, we're so upset because they don't care what the addiction is. They just wanted to know if we could pay today. they didn't even care if they talked to her. It was so disturbing. We couldn't find a faith based place. So fast forward, she's well over four years sober. And last February our family, after two years of really hard work, Stephanie and I opened up Sayla House Recovery here in Michigan. And it is a faith based treatment center for women, that want to pursue faith as their main road to healing from addiction. And Stephanie's my right hand. So we've come a long way in, you know that four years. But it is a Christ centered ministry and our program is based on the fruit of the spirit and that's what we teach there because we believe you're a new creation every single day. We don't think that you have to stand up and say you're an alcoholic every day because that's not how God sees us. And I also am encouraging, go to whatever program works for you outside of say the house when you're done. But don't forget who God says you are. And we work with the family a lot.

Getting back into, inserting yourself back into family is hard after addiction

back to the family question. One of the things, I think that in fact we know, and you know this too is children wonder what's going on. What did they do to cause this? So mom goes away. Our program, is 30 days. And it's 30 days in and then a 10 day transition where they go home. But they do come back every day, to meet with their recovery coach. And if they're not local, then it's a virtual outpatient experience. But there's that transition time is because getting back into, inserting yourself back into family is hard. But it's not just hard for her, it's hard for the family too, because everybody's got to do the work. So we teach while they're there that not only is mom doing hard work, so are you. And if the parents are open to it, we, send home, you know, worksheets for, say, the child. There's a 10 year old child, you know, this is what mom was working on this week. And we adapt. Say it's the fruit of, the fruit of gentleness. And we'll adapt that so the 10 year old can learn in a very, different language, you know, appropriate for a 10 year old, what mom is working on. All this being said so that that child never wonders if he brings home a bad grade on his report card, if mom's going to go away again. You know, it's this understanding of what is actually happening in this honesty instead of hiding it and, you know, realizing that moms are human too, and moms fall down, but moms can get back up. And that's basically what we do there. We want to build the family back up.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You were so honest about that. Yeah, you're so honest about that. Even in sharing in your book, your daughter asking you, is this my fault? Essentially, did I caused you to drink? And there are all of those ways that it impacts the family and children, especially even from a young age, they are really attuned to our emotions as their parents. They know our thoughts, they know our feelings, they know our actions, because that's how they gauge their safety. If our thoughts, if our actions, if our emotions are relatively stable, then their world is stable. And I found with, alcohol, with addiction, with any kind of addiction, there are so many unwritten rules that go into the family, whether that's secrecy or not talking about it, or things that go with codependency. And even if you remove that addiction, substance, you say, okay, we don't, I don't drink anymore. There are relational skills and ways of communicating that you have to unlearn and relearn because it may have been passed down to you over so many generations and nobody ever even talked about it. And I remember, you know, being in some circumstances, Sherry where, you know, you would have a way that your family does something and you're talking to A family that doesn't struggle with addiction. And then you have that moment where you think, oh, wait, that's not normal. Like, you don't do that in your family. And so that can be really, really hard. And so what ways, what, ways do you encourage that? Because when you, you made that decision on November 6, 2013, that was your for real date, as you have said. But it doesn't mean like, oh, instant cure. Everything is fine. I stopped drinking alcohol. My life was miraculously, instantly changed, and every relationship I had was perfectly healed. It's still hard. So how do you balance that ongoing recovery in the ecosystem that you're in, managing your own health, your family health, your relational health, all of those things? How do you keep going?

>> Sherry Hoppen: Well, number one, my, relationship with the Lord is in a place that I never imagined it could be. I grew up a Christian, and, I've always loved Jesus, but I didn't have that relationship. And so I have that. And I don't know where I'd be without that. I also have an incredibly supportive husband and family. But my husband and I, as you read in the book, we were done. That marriage was, it was at its end, and we are like second marriage people now. And, it's a good place to be. We've fallen in love all over again, but with new people. And that's another support thing. But as far as my recovery support. So when I started that group, Joyful Surrender, so long almost eight years ago, the first women that came, it was just like three or four of us for a long time, until maybe the year before COVID maybe because Covid really took, made things take off, you know, with virtual. But those same three to four women are a special group to me, and they're my core group and they're my support, and they've got me because I'm supporting all these women. But they pointed out long ago that I needed to have a group, I needed to have a support system. And they have never let me down. So making sure that I'm covered in that area too. And God continues to surround me with the most amazing people. Women are always so worried about all the friends they're going to lose. And I always say, don't worry about it. God will pull out the weeds and he is going to just bring you such an amazing flower garden, you can't even imagine. And that's where I am, and I'm never disappointed.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Sherry, I think there's a lot of women, a lot of families who are listening who just feel like they're still stuck. And I think that your story gives them hope. It's not about the fact that you are now perfect, but you are healthy and you are healed. And I would encourage women who are struggling, who know someone who are struggling, to pick up a copy of your book, Sober Cycle Pedaling Through Recovery One Day at a Time Again. It's by Sherry Hoppen. You can go to she surrenders.com it is a, very real, very raw look at what it's like. And it, I think it's helpful, Sherry, to understand. You shared so much of what you were thinking and so hard. It's hard when you're on the outside to look and think, what are you thinking? You know, how is that? And it gives you some empathy for that struggle and also for the woman who's struggling. It gives her hope that there is hope. And I just see in your story, Sherry, so many God intersections, just the way that God was with you during that first bike ride. And you talked about so many moments of that, even something small like Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace playing and having the ups and the downs and your prayer life changing. But there's something about the fact that God will meet you where you are. And I believe that God is gracious and he is constantly giving us opportunities to seek wholeness, to seek healing, to seek recovery.

Sherry shares about how people can connect with her ministry through social media

So I'd like for you in just the last couple of minutes to share about how people can connect with your ministry if they're thinking, okay, that's me, I, I need to take that step forward. Where can they find you?

>> Sherry Hoppen: Well the best place like you said to go is to shesurrenders.com and on there there's ah, tab for community and there's a couple options of joining. It's the Surrender Collective, which is a relatively new forum that's just getting started and we're having conversation there about sobriety in the faith based, faith based conversation around recovery. What does that look like? And sharing experiences and encouraging each other. There's also joyful Surrender which is the Monday night meeting. And so that's becoming part of that community. There's a link to say the house recovery on my website, a link to the book. I'm on social media. I also have a podcast which is on all the, you can get to it through the website or through all the plat the usual platforms. But that's just real stories of women sharing their recovery stories, and what God brought them to. So if you like my story, there's plenty more where that came from and those are really it inspiring too.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: So Sherry I thank you so much for sharing your story. My own sister has been a guest and shared her own journey of sobriety. I have walked this path with her and seen what a beautiful, beautiful story recovery can be. And I'm so grateful for you. And listen, wherever you are, I, pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make it his face shine upon you and that he will be gracious to you. There is always hope for healing and for recovery. And I'll see you back here tomorrow. Can't wait for it. We're going to talk to Kathi Lipp. We'll have another episode of the Declutter Diaries. I'll see you tomorrow.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.