Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite part of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. On the schedule for today is learning how to sew. Celebrate who God designed you uniquely to be. And my guest is here to share his story and his journey. In that we're talking to Nathan Clarkson, co author with his mom of Uniquely you exploring your child's extraordinarily distinctive design. This is so important in today's world as we see a world, a culture that values uniqueness in a way that maybe we didn't value before. But kids, whether they were growing up then, whether they're growing up now, kids want to be seen, they want to be known, they want to be loved. And as parents, we want to love our children each individually. I know I have four kids and they are different. As the day is long, it is a joy to see their differences. But it can be a challenge for me as a mom. So we're going to dive into this. How do we celebrate our kids differences? So our guest today is Nathan Clarkson, an award winning film and television actor, best selling author of numerous books at hit indie filmmaker, a podcast philosopher, and he lives between the lights of Los Angeles and the streets of New York City. And today he's going out on the radio waves with all of you to all of our listeners. So Nathan, thanks so much for joining us today. We're so glad to have you.
>> Nathan Clarkson: Well, thank you for having me. I'm honored to be here.
Nathan was diagnosed with mental illnesses and learning disabilities early on
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Nathan, just tell us a little bit about your story and growing up and what brought you to this place where you're sharing a, book space with your mom telling your story. Tell us about how you grew up.
>> Nathan Clarkson: Absolutely. Well, I was what you call the different kid. I, very early on was, diagnosed with, different, mental illnesses and learning disabilities. And it was something that my mom, even before I was diagnosed, really started recognizing in me both my behavior, how I was at school, how I was at home. And it was something that was very present from very early on. I can't remember a time in my life I didn't feel very different. And I was lucky to have a mom who saw those differences and cared about those differences. But in the world, you know, whether it's Sunday school or at class or, with friends, being different is something that can feel really alienating. It can make me. It could make me feel very separated from other people, and it could even make me feel wrong. The ways my mind worked, the way my personality worked, was bad. and so it was something that was, very early on. It was kind of a defining factor for how I began to see myself. You know, there's a lot of negatives that came with that, but luckily I was, given a mother who saw those differences and didn't see them as things to fix, didn't see them as things that were wrong with me, but rather things to understand and help me through. And she did this through her perspective, which was through God's perspective of how God has created all of us uniquely. And that whatever uniquenesses I had, even the difficult ones, they were going to be used for the story that God was going to tell with my life. And so, long story short, fast forward, a couple decades later, and I started noticing that all around me were people who were struggling with their differences, struggling feeling alone or separated or bad or wrong because of the ways they were unique. And so I went to my mom and I said, mom, I think we need to tell our story. And so we wrote a book together. This is our first book we wrote together called Different. And it was kind of a memoir, kind of a thought piece about our story, what it was like raising a different kid and what it was like being a different kid. And so we, you know, we didn't think this book was going to go very far. It was a very niche subject. But what happened was the book, ended up on the, Today show and best sellers list. And we started receiving thousands of messages from people saying, either I have a different kid or I am a different kid. And so we said, we need to continue this conversation. And, you know, we explored my particular differences with my mental illness and my learning disabilities. But what we really realized and really believe is that every kid is unique in a myriad of different ways. And so in this current book, in the book we just released called Uniquely you we explore all the different ways every kid can be unique. Whether it's personality or learning styles or discipline styles or love languages. So many different ways a kid can be unique. But that is why we wanted to write this book together.
Nathan emphasizes that you are uniquely you created in the image of God
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: So many questions. Nathan, this is so much to dive into. And I love. There's so many elements that I love about what you just shared and parts of your story. But the first thing that I want to dive into and ask you about is you keep emphasizing, yes, you Are uniquely you created in the image of God. You are who God created you to be, a unique creation of God. And I think that that is something that we need to establish right from the very beginning. Because when we look at today's celebration of difference, we see messages like, live your truth or you do you. And we see these kids who have this pressure to image, craft themselves into some way that's societally acceptable. But that's really troubling in cancel culture, because what's celebrated today is canceled tomorrow. And I feel like I see all of these kids who are constantly shift to kind of figure out who am I today and how am I different today, and is that okay today? But there is a security, there is a different kind of approach. When you look at yourself created in the image of God, already created, already formed in your mother's womb, he knew exactly who you were going to be, the struggles that you were going to have. He knew exactly which mom to give you. What is the difference there in celebrating, you know, your identity as a unique creation of God?
>> Nathan Clarkson: Yeah, that's a great question. And, you know, you bring up kind of the cultural elements of, a lot of the messages that say, you know, be unique, be, be different, and, you know, be yourself. What's interesting to me is I look across kind of the landscape of culture and I see these catchphrases, over and over again. While there is a lot of lip service, I think, in culture to saying, you know, be totally unique, you should be yourself, that kind of thing, I think actually underneath that is, there's kind of a pressure to actually be unique in the way that they have you to be, or be different in the way that, a particular group wants you to be. And as I look at the philosophy that we're exploring in this book, it's not something that you're going to change about yourself. It's going to be something you discover about yourself that God has created within you. God, you know, talks about in scripture that he wove us together in our mother's wombs, that he intentionally created us, with intention and purpose. And so I think a lot of the time when we go about saying, who should I be? We think about, who, who else should I be? And what we really, really want to get across in this book is that God created you. Every aspect of you, be it your personality, be it your mind, be it your heart beat, your passions, was created intentionally by God. And it's a good thing. And while, like, there can be difficulties, there can be struggles with the way that. Ways that we're different, they're also something to figure out, not get rid of or try to change it, rather lean into and understand, that God designed us so that we can use all of those elements that were put there in, the story that God gave us to tell.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I think that's so encouraging, because in a world where there's just so many shifting sands, so many shifting influences, the way that God created you does not change. And yes, like you said, we live in a broken world. And so sometimes that comes with different challenges. But accepting that as part of your story and seeing what God wants you to do with it, I think that's where people are so inspired. That's the difference. I think that's part. Part of what resonated with so many people. Nathan, when you first, you know, when you published your first book, to say, yeah, that is something different and countercultural that we want to hold on to. And writing. Going from that book to writing this book together. Your mom shared a little heartwarming anecdote about herself growing up and being in church and fidgeting, you know, just shaking her foot, not even aware that she was doing it. but, you know, just feeling that pressure, like. Nope. That subtle shake from her mom's head. That's not okay. You know, we have to. There's a certain image that you have to project, you know, and we feel that pressure as parents to mold that. But then she shares, you know, being a mom later on and looking down the pew and seeing a little boy sitting there shaking, fidgeting. I can only mean. Guess that means you. But what was it like to work with your mom to share your perspectives? Because I'm sure that they were unique. No pun intended.
>> Nathan Clarkson: Absolutely. You know, like I mentioned, I was blessed with a mom who was also out of the box. She didn't only just try to understand me and revel in my uniqueness that God had created me in, but she did that because she was a unique kid growing up, too. And so she knew how vitally important it was to not squelch or oppress the differences or try to force them into a mold of expectation, whether it be culture or just friends or family, whatever thinks a kid should be. But rather she knew as a different kid who grew up different herself. Like you mentioned, she was the one wiggling in the church pew, trying to sit still and pay attention. And so she was especially adept at raising a little boy who was wiggling in that same pew, trying to Pay attention and not seeing the behavior as evil or bad or something to fix, but rather something to help focus, and seeing it as something that might actually just play again. I'm going to keep on saying this over and over, and I apologize, but these different differences might just be something that plays into the story that God has for us to tell. You know, I look back and I think of all the different ways I'm different. And I have struggled with my entire life since I was being a kid. You know, I had, I was diagnosed with adhd. And as many of us know, ADHD is kind, of where the wiggles come from, or the wiggles and the lack of focus and the difficulty in homework and not being able to pay attention to one thing for a long period of time. And that was a real struggle, particularly in school for me as a kid. But as I look now and I look at everything I'm doing, you know, an actor and I'm a writer and I'm a filmmaker, that that aspect of me that was jumping from thing to thing, that was always having a new idea, I was able to look at a multitude of things all at once, has actually played into the story that God has led me into. So what I used to see is something that was difficult and almost a curse, actually ended up being a blessing in my life because I was actually given a vision by my mom for, you know, this thing in your life, you were made in a particular way. Your Mind works in a particular way. Maybe this can be used for what God wants. you to do in the world.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, as parents, I think it's a challenge because oftentimes when we see traits in our kids that we may view at the time. If we're being really honest here, Nathan, as maybe undesirable or difficult to manage, overwhelming. We just have this overwhelming impulse to stop that behavior, to fix it, like you said. I love how you said, you know, that your mom helped focus that rather than fix it. And it can be really hard. But the honest truth is many of those traits that we see are traits that are in ourselves. Some of those we recognize. And so we don't want our kids to have those because we know the struggles that those traits have brought for us. And some of it is a blind spot. Like we just don't see that in ourselves, but inherently we somehow know. So how do you balance? Yes, okay. There's some struggles that come along with some of those things. Like your own experience you're describing. But while also affirming the beauty of their child's individuality is created by God. How do you balance those things?
Last year, Preborn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion
>> Nathan Clarkson: That is a great question, is one I always, really want to make very clear. You know, what we are not saying here is that when we talk about celebrating differences and accepting the uniqueness that your kids are made in, we're not saying that you shouldn't try to help or focus or train or create boundaries. That is not what we're saying. Because, in fact, helping a kid focus and creating boundaries actually enables their uniquenesses, their differences, to be used well in their lives. You know, my mom told a story to me when I was a kid, when I was really, really struggling with feeling so outside the box that I just couldn't fit in. I was constantly getting in trouble at school. I was constantly not being able to focus on homework. I was constantly, you know, et cetera, et cetera. My mom told me this story. She said, nathan, this is actually an old book. Nathan there, you know, we read it together. It's called the Black Stallion. And it was about a horse. And this hors was the fastest, it was the strongest, and it was wild. And the arc of the story takes place around this horse has so much power, but until it accepts the reins, until it's trained, it can't use its power for anything productive. And so, over the course of the story, the horse is trained, and it takes the bridle and it takes the training, and it ends up being the fastest horse in the race. But it had to actually accept the bridle and the training and the boundaries to actually use its power, use its strength. And that was something that I really took on, for myself, is that these things aren't meant to be gotten rid of. These things aren't meant to be, squelched or fixed. These are things that are meant to be trained and focused so that I can use all these different elements about me and about my personality, my heart, my mind, to win the race that God has asked me to run.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That is a beautiful illustration of the power of story and how you can identify with that and resonate with that. But the important thing is you talking about your mom sitting there telling you this story, relating it to your life. I love that. And we do see that our children are unique creations. We see it every day in the way they think, they talk, they play, they create, they relate. They read, write, dream, decide and do life. When we come back, we'll talk more about how we celebrate these unique attributes and the conflict that can cause when our our children are created differently from each other. We'll have more with Nathan Clarkson. and uniquely you on the other side of this break. Don't go away because of listeners like you. PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies. Your $28 to sponsor one ultrasound doubled a baby's chance at life. Your tax- deductible gift saves lives. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate, go to preborn.com/AFR. Will you take a moment and celebrate life with me? Last year, PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion. Hi, this is Jessica Peck, host of the Dr. Nurse Mama Show. And I want to thank you for your partnership. Think about what you did. 67,000 babies are taking their first breath now because of you. Your $28 sponsored one ultrasound that was given to a woman as She was deciding about the future of her child. Once she saw her precious baby for the first time and heard their sweet heartbeat, her baby's chance at life doubled. The preborn's mission is not only to rescue babies lives but also to lead women to Christ. Last year PreBorn network clinic saw 8,900 women receive salvation. Your help is crucial to continue their life saving work. Your caring tax- deductible donation saves lives. So please be generous. To donate go to preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR, or dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250. Baby, your love can save a life. Preborn's whole mission is to rescue babies from abortion and lead their families to Christ. Last year Preborn's network of clinics saw 8,900 mothers come to Christ. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate go to preborn.com/AFR.
>> What He's Done by Passion(ft. Kristian Stanfill, Tasha Cobbs Leo: See. On the hill of Calvary My Savior bled for me My Jesus set me. Free. And look at the wounds that give me life Grace flowing from inside no greater sacrifice what he's done what he's done. All the glory and the honor to the Son My sins are forgiven My future is heaven. I praise God for what he's done.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That song is what he's done by passion.
Nathan Clarkson shares his story of growing up differently
And today we're celebrating what God has done in the life of Nathan Clarkson. He has co authored a book with his mom, Sally Clarkson called Uniquely you, exploring your child's extraordinarily distinctive design. And our prescription for hope today is celebrating who God designed you to be or celebrating who God designed your child to be. And Nathan's been sharing his story of growing up differently, having some learning disabilities, some challenges with mental health, and feeling like he just didn't fit inside the box. But what it's done for him in his life to have a mom who recognized that and created an environment in a childhood in which he could flourish, I think all of us as parents want to do that for our kids. And Nathan, before the break, we were just starting to talk about how each child is created differently. And you've talked about that a little bit in the one on one dyad. But sometimes that can be really challenging. When children are different from their parents, when their interests are different, the way they think is different, the way that they see the world, what they want to do is different. Sometimes that can be really challenging for a parent because we think, well, I don't know how to parent that because I don't have any experience in that. And why can't you just be more like me and align your interests with m mine and align your coping strategies with mine so that it's easier to parent you? What advice do you have parents for parents who are raising kids who are just feel like they're nothing like me?
>> Nathan Clarkson: That's a great question. You know, the reality is conformity is easier. The same thing over and over again that we can learn to expect and learn how to relate to, that's an easier way. And sometimes we conflate the ideas of easier being the better way. and so when it comes to parenting, you know, I think it would be easier if all of your kids were exactly the same. They needed the same things, they were disciplined the same way. They had the same interests, they responded the same way. I think that would be far easier. But it's not better. You know, you look at the beautiful diversity that God has put in the world, in his natural world. Look at the different kinds of trees and flowers and animals. There's a beauty in the different kinds of ways that everything can look and be, and that's something that's a value to God. And the same is true of every single kid. Every single kid is going to be different. And well, it's not easier. It is more beautiful. And you know, I think of something that my mom often said when she was kind of working her way through understanding how to raise four very different kids, myself included. And she said what she had to do was learn to become a student of her kids. Not see it as a burden that we were all different, but actually as an adventure that she got to go down almost an educational adventure in learning each and every one of her kids and how they work and who they were and how they responded in the different ways that God had created them in. And so of course it's more difficult. And I want to recognize that when you have really, really different kids. And of course there's going to be things that you wish that they responded, like you, they wish you, wish you, they acted like you. That would be easier. But I want to give a perspective that is actually more beautiful. And it's actually in the image of the Creator, our creator, that they were created differently. And it's. And it's actually an opportunity kind of for an adventure where you get to discover, help your kids discover all the unique ways and unique attributes that God has created them with. This is an opportunity. And I also want to encourage you to say this is God's admonition to you. He has given you these unique children and he's given you a quest to figure each of them out and figure out how to love them best.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, Nathan, I feel seen and to be honest, I feel a little persecuted here. But I'm gonna, I'm gonna out myself because this is something that I struggled with. I'll give one small example. You know, I have four children. They're all different as the day. And one of my children, I. I am. Let me start with me, actually. I am a go, go, go kind of girl. I'm a pedal to the metal kind of person. Like, I love when I am, go on my way to one place. I'm already thinking about where am I going to go next. I like to go fast and far. And I just kind of live my life in a hurry, honestly. And one of my children cannot be hurried for anything. I mean, there is nothing that's going to hurry him, nothing that's going to ruffle him. He is always just going to take things just at eas Used to annoy me so badly. And I found myself saying, hurry up, let's go. Hurry up. Come on. What are you doing? Why aren't we going? And just like you just said, it is an admonition of the Lord. God admonished me. And I realized that God put him in my life to slow me down because I needed to slow down in some places. And there was so much I could learn from the beauty of his pace. And knowing that, no, I did not. There were some things that it was actually not only hurtful, it was sinful for me to be hurried in and, And I just thought, oh, my goodness, I don't want the soundtrack of his life or to look back and think. All he remembers is me saying, hurry up, let's go. And so I've learned to step into his pace and to be like, where can I slow down? Where can I see things differently? And I'm with him now. I'm. I see the world so differently, and it's such a beautiful gift. So I. I really, like I said, that is something that resonates with me very personally and that I still struggle with.
Nathan: Be very careful about the words you use with your child
And there are things that may be. Be as. Seem as small as that, and things that seem, you know, much bigger, that are. That have more conflict. But another point of conflict, Nathan, is between siblings. Because sometimes. And again, I'm going to call out the parents here. I called up myself, so let me call it some parents. Sometimes what happens with parents that I see is that they are more attracted to the child who's easiest to parent, the child that's most like them. And then you start to hear these messages like, why can't you just be like. Like this kid that doesn't ever give me any grief about this, that doesn't, you know, doesn't ever complain about this? How do we navigate that? Like, celebrating the differences, but without creating this sense of comparison?
>> Nathan Clarkson: That's a great question. And, you know, I think. I think that's a natural question to ask. And maybe it's when you ask inside your head, why can't you, you know, to your kid, be like the kid that's easier for me to deal with and raise. But before you voice that to your kid, I want to remind you of a couple things. One, every message, every word is being ingested into your kid's head and their heart for the rest of their life. And it's something that can affect them deeply, and it's something that will affect how they see themselves, how they see God, and how they see the relationship with you for the rest of their lives. So the first thing I'd say is, be very careful about the words that you use with your child, because they are important. You know, the scripture talks over and over about the importance of words and how powerful they can be. But number two, I would let God answer that question. Why can't you be easier? Why can't you be more like this child? And the answer from God is, because I made them different, because I made them that way and I've entrusted them to you. And so before those words ever exit your mouth to your child, let God, answer that question that's going on in your hand, going on in your head. And the answer to that question is, I gave you this child who's entirely unique. And it might be difficult to understand them, to figure them out. but that is a puzzle that I have given you because I entrusted this to you. So that's something that I would really, really want to impart to the parents who are struggling with this very understandable issue.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you're right, because I hear a lot from parents that, you know, my kid never listens to me. How do I get them to listen to me? But the truth is, Nathan, and what I hear you affirming is that children's minds are like a police scanner. They are constantly monitoring the back, and when they hear something about them, they ingest those words so deeply. And now, you know, I've got kids who I'm launching. Now I'm in that season of launching my kids into adulthood. And we have the beautiful blessing of being able to look back on some of my mistakes in being a mother. And, Nathan, it is. It is absolutely soul crushing, honestly, to hear your kids say, you know, one time when I was seven, I remember you saying this, and you just think my intent was not to crush their soul, but now my own soul is crushed. And realizing that you planted that seed, that word in your heart, just a thoughtless word that I had, it really is sobering to think about that and to recognize that we have that responsibility. But I think, Nathan, hearing you talk, you have deeply held on to some of your mother's words. And your life is a testimony that what we say matters. And. And it shouldn't be something that incites fear in us, like, oh, my goodness, now I'm terrified I'm going to say something that's going to scar my kid for life, but harness it as a superpower that we have that God has given us to speak words of life. Has that been your experience with your mom?
>> Nathan Clarkson: Oh, absolutely. You know, she. She having read through scripture before we. Before we were even born, you know, my mom really made a point to go through scripture and see how Jesus discipled the people around him and his disciples and to choose to model. Her and my father, they wanted to model what Jesus did with the people around him. And they were going to model that, their familial life towards us. And we were very lucky that they did that. Because if you look at Jesus behavior towards his disciples, towards the people he interacted with, he chose his words carefully, and he knew the power of his words. But I also want to say here, no one is perfect. I love what we're talking about today and the power of words and speaking life into your children's future, into their present, into their mind and their heart, speaking life over who they are and who they were created to be. But you should also take some grace. You are not perfect and you never will be. You know, God is perfect and there is grace for any of the times that you haven't said the right word or you said the wrong word. Take grace and then get up and continue on and look for the right words to speak life into your family's life again. But it's okay to have a little grace for yourself and any kids who are listening. Any, any different kids, like you said, who, are. Who are on the edge of adulthood, looking back and, you know, have some sympathy and forgiveness for your parents, and see the. And try to see the wonderful things they did for you, and give grace, to the words or things that weren't wonderful. so, yes, speak life in your kids life, but also give yourselves grace for the times that you have failed at doing that.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I'm in the practice of often giving my kids a blanket apology as they're going into adulthood. I'll tell them, you know what, if, as you're growing up, if there's something that you remember, I'm just sorry for any way that I have hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally, I want you to know it was never my intent. And so if there's something that, I've said that's hurt you, I want you to come to me and we can talk about it. Give me the chance to apologize or maybe to give you different context, because sometimes kids, memories are different, you know, than what we remember a situation and we might be able to provide some helpful context that could be healing in that moment. And there's sometimes that, you know, my kids will say, oh, I remember you saying this. I'm like, oh, let me tell you what happened. And it can reframe it for them. I think in a way that's helpful.
Nathan Clarkson says there are things you can learn from your siblings
But what is it like for you now with your siblings, Nathan? You know, are you Mom's favorite now because you wrote a book with her? What is that dynamic like?
>> Nathan Clarkson: Well, I think I should be Mom's favorite since I wrote a book with her. you know, I intend to tell all of my siblings that I now am.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: But you just did. You know, you just did.
>> Nathan Clarkson: Yeah, exactly. We were really blessed. I think my mom, like I said early on, because she had this vision of how Christ was, with his disciples and how he loved each one of them uniquely. He loved Peter and his boisterousness. He loved John and his sensitivity. she chose, before we even arrived in the world, she chose that she was going to love us individually. And that was something that was very much fostered in our home, not just from the parents to the children, but from the children to the children. You know, I love what you talked about earlier, about how you actually learned from your child that slowing down is a beautiful thing, that there's an aspect of his personality that actually taught you something, and I think that's a really biblical and wonderful truth, is that while all of us are created uniquely and beautifully, there are things that we can learn from each other. There are beautiful things about all of us. And so whether that's. If you're, you're a get up and go fast person, maybe from your sibling you can appreciate and learn the slowness of how their mind and their body and their, mentality works. Maybe you are a person who says things with gusto and just how it is, and you say them sharply and, and you just tell the truth to the world. And maybe you can learn from the sibling who says things in a more gentle way and cares more about the harmony in the family. And so there. And maybe it's, you know, conversely, maybe you're someone who, is slower to speak and you can learn boldness, from your sibling. But that was something that we were taught early on, is that you are unique. And it's a wonderful thing, but so are your siblings. And there are things to learn and appreciate about them that aren't like you. And so that's something I think is a really beautiful truth that we can garner and hold on to, to.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I love that you brought up the concept of looking at different Bible characters and you brought up John and Peter, which is really fascinating if you start to really study the Scriptures and look at indications of their personalities. You talk about John being, yes, he had a gentle spirit. But, you know, then I think about, in John chapter 20, where he, John is, is recounting, going to the tomb, running for the tomb the morning that they discovered Jesus is written in John 20, starting in verse three, it says, so Peter and the other disciples started for the tomb. Both were running. But the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. You know, I kind of read that with a little bit. Isn't that funny. It's like a little humor there. Like saying, I gotta get that in there. Like I beat Peter to the tomb. Like maybe he's the fiery one, but I was there first. And we see these examples of, you know, which disciple, which one of us can sit on your right or left. You know, we see that coming out in the sons of thunder and, and just all of their personalities. And I look at that and you know, of course Jesus, those 12 disciples were the ones that he walked with closely, and each one of them were so different. We look at Thomas, who was known as Doubting Thomas, and, and just all of their personalities that were so different. And we see the same thing in our kids. And it's just so encouraging, Nathan, to hear the story of your family just embracing this journey and what we can learn from that. That and I still have a lot more questions. So when we come back, we'll talk about just what do we do practically in the face of day to day frustrations? And how do we even begin to explore the complexities of our kids personalities when that can feel overwhelming? And most importantly, how does our own understanding of identity in Christ anchor all of this? We've about been talking, talking about it, but we'll have more with Nathan Clarkson when we come back, the author of Uniquely you exploring your child's extraordinarily distinctive design. Don't go away. We'll be right back.
June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture to show pride in homosexuality
On the other side of this break.
>> Podcast AFA Spots: The month of June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture to show their pride in something God calls an abomination. When you support afr, you help us continue to stand for godly values and provide the resources for you to stay in the know about the enemy's tactics. To say thank you for your gift, this month, we'll give you the booklet inside the LGBTQ push of the 1990s. To help strengthen your convictions, just go to afr.net/offers afr.net/offers Hey, heard you were.
>> Stronger by Mandisa: Up all night Thinking about how your world ain't right and you wonder if things will ever get better and you're asking why is it always rainin' on you when all you want is just a little good news Instead of standin' there stuck out in the weather oh, don't hang your head, it's gonna end God's right there Even if it's hard to see him I promise you that he still cares when the waves are takin' you under hold on just a little bit longer He knows that this is gonna make you stronger Stronger things can only get Better. Believe me, this is gonna make you stronger. Gonna make you stronger.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Stronger by Mandisa. And we are talking about how whatever you're going through, God is going to use it to make you stronger. And maybe that situation that you're going through is you parent a child who just feels different, who feels like, different from you, different from what you expected, different from whatever your journey is going to be. We are all wonderfully different. And your child is a unique child of God. And you are that parent that God specifically chose with the skill set that maybe you don't even think you have. But I think back to Moses and God calling him to go and lead the Israelites out of Egypt. And he says, no, I can't. I'm slow of tongue. But God had chosen him to do that, just as God has chosen you.
Nathan Clarkson writes about growing up with learning disabilities and mental health challenges
We are having a delightful conversation with Nathan Clarkson, author, co author with his mom of Uniquely you, exploring your child's extraordinarily distinctive design. He's been sharing his journey as growing up with some learning disabilities, with some mental health challenges, but how his mom just embraced this journey and helped him to grow and to thrive. And so, Nathan, I want to start by just letting you. Your mom's not here with us today. What would you say to her? as. As just you have this perspective, I just want to give you a chance to give a shout out to your mom.
>> Nathan Clarkson: Oh, that's a wonderful thing. Yes. You know, I thought about this so many times as I've grown up and interacted with so many different people and heard, very difficult stories of people who have really wrought relationships with their parents, with their moms, with their dads, that left real affect, on them, real difficult, dark affect on them, words that were spoken over them and things that were difficult that they carry into adulthood for the rest of their lives. And what I want to say to my mom is just thank you. Thank you for listening to God. Thank you for loving me in the way that God loves her and emulating and imaging that to me. Because I think of all the different ways I could have been raised. I think of all the different kind of parents I could have had. And I consider myself so blessed to have been her child, to be the child of someone who saw that, loving me in the midst of my mistakes and my difficult personality and my different issues, and all my differences, that someone chose to love those and develop those and care for those and care for the person that is me. Because I know it doesn't always happen. And I feel very blessed that I was given that. So I just want to say thank you for. To her, for listening to God's voice and following his steps.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I don't think there's any parent on earth who wouldn't want to have a message like that. And you know, Nathan, I've never met your mom. I haven't had the privilege of talking with her. But somehow I would guess that she didn't write this book with the posture of, oh, yes, I was an excellent mother, and I got it all right. And let me share with you exactly how to do it. Easy peasy. I'm sure there were hills and valleys, and there were tears and doubts and struggles. And I'm sure that she wondered all along the way, like, am I doing it right? Is this okay? And to see the way that you have turned out, Nathan, and just your willingness to partner with her in ministry and sharing this I know has got to be such an affirmation for her and such a beautiful model for the rest of us, because we think it's not perfect. I'm sure your relationship isn't perfect, but it is healthy. And, and you've said it over and over, Nathan. But all of this is really rooted in a parent's own understanding of their identity in Christ. How I want to give you the opportunity just to reiterate that and to wrap that all up, because that's what the foundation of this all is, isn't it?
>> Nathan Clarkson: Absolutely. I think, you know, when we catch a vision for how God loves us, when we catch the image for how he treats us, how he looks at us, how he guides us, how he essentially raises us in a way. you know, the scripture talks about us being his children. When we catch an image of how he is to us, I think that gives us an image of how we ought to be to our children. We ought to im his behavior, his likeness, and how he loves us to our kids and to the ones in our life. And I think that's such a beautiful thing. but I think it does start with. Before you even jump into the parenting talks, maybe it starts with you learning how God looks at you. And I think that's a really, really wonderful place to start. You know, my mom would be the first, as you say, to say that she wasn't perfect and she made mistakes. but she was someone who chose to look at and understand how God loved her, how God, guided her, how God felt about her, how God, gave, her wisdom and imparted that to her and the ways he did that. And so she was a disciple of God. And we see the disciples in scripture and of course they're not perfect, but they understood their relationship with God and that enabled them to go and offer that relationship to others. And I think that's a great model, for how maybe we ought to be to our kids, understand our relationship with God and how he loves us and feels about us and offer that to our children.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: It is so essential for us to partner with God in our parenting. He knows our children even infinitely better than we do. And if we think about how much I think about Nathan, how much I love my kids, I think if my kids are listening or listen to this one day, I want you to know how much I love you and think about you, you every second of every day. How I can do things better, how I can do things that will help you, that will support you, How I wonder about things that I've done. And I cannot do any of those things, Nathan, without the Lord. And I feel like I tried for a season to do parenting on my own. I had a broken relationship with my mom. I was very insecure and very fearful that that was going to happen. So I was reading all the self help books and thinking about all my professional tools that I had. But what I discovered was that it really was so much of what I was doing, but how I needed to surrender, I needed to surrender all of that to the sovereignty of God and just say, God, this is your child. I am stewarding this child and I cannot do it without your help. So what are those practical things look like? Like how do you even start. That feels so, you know, theoretical. How do we make it practical?
>> Nathan Clarkson: Yes, I love practicalities. You know, there's so many, catchy phrases and ideas and abstract concepts, concepts that are great, but until they can be brought down to the nitty gritty and the practical every day, they're not going to be helpful. And that's really what we wanted to do in this book. You know, our first book was very much centered around our story. And you know, we wanted to inspire people through our story. But this book, we wanted to be a practical guide. Something that could actually help people know how to day to day love their unique kids.
The book explores all the ways a kid can be unique
And so, you know, one of the things I would first say that might be a help thing is that we do in the book is we go through kind of every different way a kid can be unique. We want to kind of make a grid almost so that when your kid is Acting a particular way that seems outside the norm, you can start understanding, oh, this is his personality that's different. You know, in the book we go through all these different kind of subjects, these different ways that a kid can be different. Like personality, like discipline, style, like love, language, what their dreams are going to be, how they make friends, how they make relationships. And it's an understanding each and every way that a kid can be different that's going to help you start to kind of analyze and understand their differences and kind of put them into a context of understanding. And so in every chapter we talk about all the different unique ways a kid can be unique. And I think in walking through those and recognizing those, I think that can be a really helpful start, to analyze and almost like a, like a scientist would, analyzing all the different ways your kid can be different and understanding and appreciating those and then each of those individual subjects going down kind of an educational journey of okay, how can I do this best? Let's take discipline, right? I was going to be disciplined and in a way that was going to be different from my siblings, there was going to be something that was going to be more effective for me and less effective for them. And so if you can learn rather than just keep on trying the same thing over and over again, he's not listening, he's not doing what I, I want. Rather than learning, how does he respond? What have I noticed that changes his behavior, what kind of boundaries, when I set them actually creates a better behavior in the future for what he's doing. And so I think in understanding all the different ways and going down those trails, that a kid can be different, that can be a really helpful start to the practical, everyday life of how to love unique kids.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I love that because I think about, I am very much a proponent of parenting each child differently and setting that expectation with your kids. Because there is this parenting playbook that's handed down to us that says like, okay, well you get to date when you're 16 and we have all these age based milestones, you know, that you get to do this and okay, my older sister got to date when she was 16, so I get to date when I'm 16, but it should all be responsibility based. And Nathan, you talk about discipline. You know, I have one kid that I could ground for probably a month and they wouldn't even bat an eye, eyelash. They'd still be ready to go toe to toe. I have another kid I can literally discipline by raising my eyebrow. And instantly they're like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know, it's okay. So I think that's, that is so true. But what are some practical strategies going back to what we talked about earlier? When you have multiple kids, how do you discipline differently, celebrate their unique gifts differently, without unintentionally creating these perceptions of favoritism or competition between the kids?
>> Nathan Clarkson: You know, we have this thing in our family called the 24 family ways. And the 24 family ways were the things that we had decided as a family that no matter what, even in the midst of all our differences, these were values that everyone adhered to. They were things like, we love God, we love each other, we respect each other, we don't use our words to hurt. we apologize when we're wrong. And so this is the kind of thing when you have a list of values, it still honors uniqueness of every kid, but it still gives them kind of an objective place to stand on that. These are things, even if you do them in your own way, that we all do, slash, don't do. So I think creating kind of a family value system, the things that you believe in, and they're kind of non negotiables in your family unit that even if you, you act them out differently, they are going to be value that everyone is expected to adhere to. And they're not oppressive things, they're freeing things. You know, one of the family, the family ways, One of the 24 family ways is we respect and love one another. And that's actually something that actually enables the uniqueness of every member in the family to be respected and loved. But there's also an expectation for you to respect and love the other members. And so I think creating kind of a stage, a foundation of value on which the family can move creates an objective place that there's an expectation on everyone to be here and to meet these and to honor these values. But they still honor, and respect and leave room for the, unique ways that you might live them out. Does that make sense?
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, it absolutely does. And I think creating a culture in which you sell, you have a value of celebrating each other's strengths, even when they're different. Different is great. And I've talked about this a lot before, Nathan, but I think it bears repeating. I'll say it over and over again because, you know, one of my children is, is really gifted at hospitality. So if you've had a bad day, she's going to be the one that is Going to make your bed, leave chocolate on your pillow, write you a really encouraging note, clean your room, and you're going to walk in and feel refreshed. That is not the gifting of my other kids. My. My youngest. He is going to make you laugh. He's going to reenact Ben Hur with an office chair on wheels. We're talking toga and everything, you know, But. But we don't have to be. Yes, see, Exactly. But we don't have to be jealous of that. Like, okay, oh, well, he makes everybody laugh. I'm not funny. Let me try to be funny. And then that's going to come across awkward and painful because God didn't make you to be the funny one. And that's okay. You know, God made you to be the caring one. God made you to be the. The sensitive one. God made you to be. Be the. Whatever it is. I think that's really important in celebrating each other's strengths. Well, goodness, Nathan, there's so much that we could talk about. But what is one key takeaway that you hope parents will really hold on to after reading this book to transform their relationship with their children? I know there are a lot of parents who are feeling frustrated. They might feel like they're in a rut. They might be feeling defeated. What is what you hope that they will take away from learning from your journey? Journey?
>> Nathan Clarkson: Well, like I said earlier, conformity is easier, but it's not more beautiful, and it's not how God created the world. And you were given, you were, you were entrusted, let's say, with unique kids. And they are going to be different, and it's going to be incredibly difficult, but it's a beautiful journey and an adventure that you have been given by God to go on with your kids. And when you love your kids uniquely, when you love the unique ways that God has created them, you are living into God's will. You are helping them see the unique story that God has for them to tell. You know, I. I loved superheroes as a kid, and I still do as an adult, I'll admit it. And one of the things I love is when you watch a superheroes movie and all those different superheroes come together, they all have completely different abilities, completely different superpowers, Right? But it's for the same good goal. And if you can see your kids as little superheroes and all of them have different abilities, but they're to be used for the good in the world, the good that God has. Has called us to fight for and bring and reflect. That's going to be a really wonderful vision that you can bring to your family. So I would encourage you to see this not as a burden, but as something wonderful and good, an adventure to go on and something that God has entrusted you with. And when you do that, you free your kids to live the story that God has created them to tell.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's beautiful, Nathan. And now I'm thinking about the the Incredibles, the family. But every family is incredible and unique. Get your copy of Uniquely you exploring your child's extraordinarily distinctive design and listen as you're doing that and walking on that journey. I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you in all of your unique glories. We'll see you here next time.
>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this. Broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
