Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing Hope for Healthy Families on American Family Radio

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse.

>> Jeff Chamblee: Mama show prescribing Hope for Healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And it's my favorite day of the week. It is fry. Yay. And you know, I am a nurse. I have for my whole career had to work on the weekends at certain times in certain seasons. But it kind of doesn't matter. Friday just has a fun feel to it. And I hope this Friday in June as we are just barreling through 2025, we are actually in week 25 of this year. Can you believe that we are almost halfway through this year? And I hope that you are halfway through the 52 habits for healthy families. If you've missed any of them, go back and listen to the Doctor Nurse Mama coaching minutes. And you can listen to any Friday show as well where we do a deep dive into the hab habits that will make your family healthy. Not perfect, but that will be healthy. We started with some spiritual rhythms, then we did some routine rhythms. We talked about communication skills and this summer we are really talking about all things tech. And technology is an ever present just convenience and inconvenience in our life. It is. We have a love hate relationship with it. We love the convenience it provides. We hate the ways it makes us feel tethered, the feeling fears that we have with the threats that come at our kids. And so we're going to be walking through, taking a slow walk about some of the ways that technology is influencing our lives. And so looking back over the last just few weeks, we've talked about some tech habits. We've talked about reading out loud the importance of watching faith based films with your family of co viewing. We've talked about being in pictures and the rise of digital pictures and digital media. We talked last week about unplugging on vacation. And this, this week we are talking about one of the tangible steps that you can move forward no matter your age or stage of family. Doesn't matter if you've got littles, if you have no kids in the house, if you have grandkids in the house, wherever you are. We all need tech free zones in our lives. That is what we're talking about today. How do we create tech free zones? Technology is not going away ever. But we can reclaim some family connections in a screen saturated world by carving out some sacred Spaces in our home. So I want you to take a moment and I want you to picture a family scene from years ago. Maybe this is your own childhood. Maybe you reach back and think about visiting your grandparents, your great grandparents, their stories. I want you to imagine the family gathered together around the radio, all listening to the same story together. Or maybe they're sitting in the living room sharing conversation after dinner. Maybe you remember curling up with a good book as a family or playing board games around the kitchen table. I knew there was a tech free zone in my granny's house around her table. I would not have dared to pull out my phone on her table because we were talking, the places were set, we had real cloth napkins and everything with our corel dishes. You know those ones with the blue flowers around them. That's what I remember. I remember having talking and connection. But I want you to fast forward to today because our homes look very, very different. Instead of one shared TV or radio, everyone has their own screen. And even more than that, many of us have multiple screens just for ourselves. We have a phone, we have a tablet, we have a laptop, we have a television. And we may own all of those screens and be watching those screens simultaneously ourselves, while everyone else is watching four different screens at once. Even if we're in the same room, we're alone in our little digital bubbles. And it's no wonder that many of us feel like family life has really shifted from deep connection to just this kind of distracted coexistence. I heard that phrase and I thought that is what it is. We're just sitting on the couch next to each other, but not really engaged with each other. We're each scrolling through our own little digital bubble. So today's show, we're going to dive into the challenges of this screen saturated world. How can we reclaim connection by creating tech free zones in your home? These are spaces where phones and devices are going to take a backseat. So that real conversation, real laughter, real relationship, most importantly comes to the forefront.

A 2020 study found that 50% of teens feel addicted to their phones

So I want to share a verse with you that reminds me to slow down and to be present. It is a, verse that many of you have likely heard from Psalm 46:10. Be still and know that I am God. Digital media is never skill still. Screens are never still. They are constantly moving, they are constantly scrolling, they are constantly going. We are in a world that is not still, that is going 24 7. And this is a beautiful invitation to pause and unplug. so let's take some time to explore together. How do we Create a home where presence beats pixels. This is so hard. Where family connection is going to win out over those digital bubbles every single time. So to do this, we've got to go back and again, look at this way, that family life has evolved over the last few centuries, over the last few generations, I should say, because back before the digital age took over, family life did revolve around that shared screen free experience. And it was a time where screens were singular. There was one screen and it was shared. You were all watching the same thing. The family TV was in the living room or the family computer. I can even remember this in high school. Do you remember having a family computer? Everybody shared the same computer. I remember gathering around and we played where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? That was a game we played on a floppy disk. I know the kids. I've lost you already. What is a floppy disk? We'll tell you later. But these were things where the focus was on togetherness and it was communicating and it was bonding and we were having shared memories of the same, even the same experience together. And studies from earlier decades show that these communal activities, these things we did together, they made our families more cohesive. They made us emotionally healthier, especially family meals without distraction. Now fast forward to today. The landscape has changed dramatically. We see a rise of personal devices. That means every family member has their own screen, often multiple. We know that 95% of teens have access to a smartphone. And we know that we even see this with kids. And this is shifting how we spend time together. So instead of a single shared device, everyone is curating their own digital experience. Whether it's scrolling through social media, whether it's gaming, it's streaming content, we're in physical proximity, we're right next to each other, but we're in digital isolation. And that alone together dynamic, that's what our families are doing. We're alone together. We wonder why our kids feel lonely. There's an epidemic of loneliness. It's because of this alone together dynamic. We're side by side, but mentally in completely different places. And these consequences are very significant. When we have shared family rituals like reading out loud, talking about our day, eating meals together without distraction. Those aren't happening. We have side by side scrolling. This describes couples, parents, children. We're all engrossed in our individual devices. Whether we're sitting on the couch where lying in bed at night and you're back to back with your spouse, scrolling through your phone, maybe laughing or sharing reels until you fall asleep, or maybe you're gathered at the dinner table, but you're barely interacting. Now, a 2020 study found that over 50% of teenagers say that they feel like I'm addicted to my phone. They actually said that out loud. I don't know that adults would be that brave to say they're addicted to addicted. But 59% of parents say, hey, my kid spends too much time on their phone. And that same study revealed that 75% of families say it's really difficult to manage screen time. And we've seen this, I've seen this in my professional world where professional organizations have said, oh, here's the recommended screen time. Oh, wait, no, it should be less. No, it should be a little more because we didn't account for school. Oh, actually, we shouldn't police screen time at all because it's just too different and we give up. It's really hard to say what kind of screen time, but here's a fun fact. It's really not a fun fact. Spoiler. The average American now spends over seven hours a day looking at screens. This includes work, entertainment and social media. Now, this is according to Nielsen data from 2023, I.e. 1/3 of your day spent on digital devices, one third of your day, and one third is going to be spent sleeping. That's often at the expense of face to face interaction using our waking hours for digital, interaction. Now, when we compare this with how families used to live, it is clear we have shifted from this collective presence to being alone together in our individual digital bubbles. And what was once a family that was gathered together is now fragmented into many simultaneous, but separate digital experiences. And that's where you can have children in the same household who are having different worldviews cultivated depending on what the algorithm is feeding them in the screen. And you wonder how kids grow up differently. Well, they've always been born with different temperaments, and we know kids are different. But now kids can grow up in the same household and have a different digital experience. And it's very increasingly common to see very young children tethered to screens, whether that's tablets or smartphones or handheld devices, especially in public places. You go to a restaurant, you see kids on a screen. Grocery stores, they're on, on a screen. Church, they're on a screen. Now, I'm not judging because I've done that myself as a parent and, you know, and looking at other generations growing up, like, maybe let it saying, go outside and, you know, don't come home to the street lights come back on. Maybe that wasn't so great either. But this practice, what we're doing, is something called digital soothing. Now, this involves using screens to calm or distract kids. Instead of using people, they are calmed, they are distracted, they are managed. When they're fussy, when they're bored, when they're waiting, we don't use our parental instincts to help them. We're using screens to do that. And yes, it is a quick way to manage challenging moments. But research is raising growing concerns about the long term effects. We don't know what the long term effects are of relying on screens for emotional regulation in young children. We're not teaching kids how to be patient, how to wait, how to manage their frustration. We're just putting a screen in front of them and we're teaching them at a very early age. This is what you do when you're sad, when you're lonely, when you're bored, when you're frustrated, you grab a screen and you digitally soothe and you numb out. Now, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, again, they're looking at the screen time that really children under two should have no screen time at all. But it's so hard to look at that and to be the screen time police. Here's the thing that I will tell you. Pretty much any kid growing up, most kids are going to have too much screen time. But we've got to provide compelling alternatives for screen time.

70% of toddlers and preschoolers regularly use digital devices for distraction

And viewing together is the most important thing that you can do with that. That common sense media report that I told you about, it found that children age zero to eight now spend an average of about two and a half days, two and a half hours per day on a screen. That is increasing. And we know that about 70% of toddlers and preschoolers regularly use digital devices for distraction or for calming. And these early years, especially for young kids, it's really critical for brain development, for emotional learning, for social skills, when they have excessive screen exposure at a young age, especially when it's used as a calming tool rather than an interactive learning or parent child engagement. This can actually delay their language development because they don't have as many face to face communications that are personalized to them, responding to them with words they need in that moment. It also can increase their risk of behavioral problems, attention difficulties, it disrupts their sleep patterns because they have prolonged blue light exposure. It can make them irritable, it reduces opportunities for physical activity. This is something that I see where kids are sitting all day on a screen, whether they're gaming, whether they're streaming content whether they're scrolling social media. And we see kids with adult like heart disease. We also see weakened emotional regulation skills because they don't learn how to self soothe without their screens. And I know we often turn to tablets or phones in busy settings. We want to keep our kids quiet and occupied. That is so good from restaurants to grocery stores or church services. But if we are making it a habit of engaging in digital soothing, it makes them reliant on screens to manage any of their coping skills and that we want kids to feel secure and build strong emotional foundations. When we come back, I'll talk more about the impact of replacing these parental and familial interactions, your parent and family interactions with digital ones and how that is impacting us and what we can do to make a difference. I'll see you on the other side of this break. Because of listeners like you, PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies. Your $28 to sponsor one ultrasound doubled a baby's chance at life. Your tax- deductible gift saves lives. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate go to preborn.com/AFR. will you take a moment and celebrate life with me?

Last year Preborn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion

Last year PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion. Hi, this is Jessica Peck, host of the Dr. Nurse Mama show and I want to thank you for your partnership. Think about what you did. 67,000 babies are taking their first breath now because of you. You your $28 sponsored one ultrasound that was given to a woman as she was deciding about the future of her child. Once she saw her precious baby for the first time and heard their sweetheart beat, her baby's chance at life doubled. But Preborn's mission is not only to rescue babies lives but also to lead women to Christ. Last year PreBorn network clinic saw 8,900 women receive salvation. Your help is crucial continue their life saving work. Your caring tax- deductible donation saves lives. So please be generous. To donate go to preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR or dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250. baby your love can save a life. Preborn's whole mission is to rescue babies from abortion and lead their families to Christ. Last year Preborn's network of clinics saw 8,900 mothers come to Christ. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate go to preborn.com/AFR. when.

>> Don't Stop Praying by Matthew West : You'Ve cried and you've cried till your tears run dry the answer won't come and you don't know why. And you wonder if you can bow your head even one more time. Don't stop praying Don't stop calling on Jesus name. Keep on pounding on heaven's door Let your knees wear out the floor. Don't stop believing. Cause mountains move with just a little faith. And your father's heard every single word you're saying. So don't stop praying.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That's Don't Stop Praying by Matthew West.

Ask doctor nurse, Mama Friday: Creating tech free zones in your home

And hey, maybe you are praying for your family here on this Ask doctor Nurse, Mama Friday where we're talking about creating tech free zones in your home. Maybe you are praying. God help me with this. I know this is a problem. This is a problem that so many families, including my own, including especially me, my kids will be the first to call me out. It's so hard to create tech free zones. But don't stop praying. Don't stop believing. Don't stop calling on Jesus name. He is here to help you and I'm here to help you today to talk about how do we create tech free zones. I am convinced that we all need a digital detox zone in our home. We all need those zones that are just tech free. And I'll give you some practical tips before we're done together on how to do that.

Families who eat dinner tech free have better academic and emotional outcomes

But to start, let's consider these facts. The average screen time for the for Americans is about seven hours a day. Teens check their phones at least 100 times per day. 100 times per day. But families who eat dinner tech free have kids with better academic and emotional outcomes. And we are, we see the first family TV dinner that was introduced in the 1950s. It was meant to be eaten in front of the tv. But now family dinners are just happening. We brought the TV to the table instead of bringing the table to the tv. And now we just see this. And this concept of side by side scrolling was coined by relationship therapists to describe this emotional disconnect that is happening. And it's a challenge. The concern isn't just about the time spent on screens, but how screens are replacing those vital interactions. We're talking about things that cannot be replicated on screens. Eye contact, shared play, a, comforting touch. Things that help children feel secure and m us as family members feel secure and build strong emotional foundations. As we guide our families, we are called to nurture our kids holistically, mind, body and spirit. And Psalm 127:3 reminds us children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring, a reward from him and if you have children in your home, that is a sacred trust that encourages us to be mindful character caretakers of their early experiences, including how we use technology in their lives.

We are seeing a society replacing real person interactions with digital ones

Now for those who don't have children either by by choice or not by choice, that I want to tell you that so often I hear from kids, especially teens, that they value these adults in their lives so much because they seem less distracted, they seem more invested, they recognize the value of pouring into the next generation and they so appreciate that one on one conversation, that eye to eye, heart to heart, looking at their, listening with their face, conversations that happen, don't underestimate the power of those because that's something that social media cannot replicate. That's the we are competing against so much, but that is one thing that we can't compete with. Nothing is going to replace those real life interactions. And let's talk a little bit more. I have a few things more to say about especially parents with young kids because we are seeing a society and ah, a culture that is replacing real person interactions with digital ones. Now technology can give us a lot of educational tools, it gives us entertainment for our kids, but it just doesn't substitute the warmth and the responsiveness and that deep connection that comes from, from parental interactions. So we moved to this idea in the 80s that hey, we'll do educational programming, it will be good for them. And the idea that this alone can fulfill a child's social and emotional needs is, it's just, it's common, it's something we tell ourselves, but it's just not enough. Because when we have educational programming we have passive viewing versus active engagement. So even the best educational shows or apps are just fundamentally a one way communication. Kids are receiving information but they miss out on that back and forth interaction that builds critical social and cognitive skills. And studies show that toddlers learn language best through live in person interaction. Hearing their parents talk, responding to their cues, engaging in playful conversations. That doesn't happen just from a screen. Educational programming also does not teach kids to emotionally regulate. Kids learn to manage their emotions by watching and copying their caregivers facial expressions, their tone, their physical comfort. And these are that a screen just cannot provide. And educational programming does not provide attachment and security when we have a consistent loving physical presence that creates secure attachment. And it was interesting because during COVID there was so much concern about oh these kids are going to be so behind academically, they are going to be behind, behind, behind. Well guess what we found out. It's actually pretty Easy to catch up kids academically. And that has happened. But you know what has not caught up? Their emotional regulation, their emotional development, all of that psychological and mental health impacts. Those are the things that we cannot catch up on. And in our society we tend to prioritize academic achievement over everything. We want them to be smart, we want them to achieve, but really they can't learn if they're not loved, if they don't feel loved, if they don't feel connected, they're not going to learn as well. So it's so important not to lose that connection. And so screens can replace some hands on parenting moments. It can be a helpful tool of distraction when you're trying to clean the box of Cheerios that they just dumped out all over the floor, or you're trying to get that laundry done, or you're trying to grocery shop in peace. Every once in a while we have those things, things. But when we're using them constantly, the result is a disconnect at a human level. And I see this with mothers. I didn't ha. I didn't have my kids when they were really young when we had phones, but I imagine I would have been really tempted to just scroll through my phone instead of learning what my baby's feet look like and what their hands look like and watching their expressions and talking to them and singing to them when you're feeding them. Those kinds of things are ways that we're seeing society subtly shift and we realize the impact of it until it's too late. Until those moments are lost and we have again these children. We're raising children who are digitally tethered, but they're relationally isolated because we're losing the rhythm of those shared stories and eye contact and laughter and touch. And we unknowingly miss cues because screens mask those real emotional needs and because they're hiding behind screens and we're distracted by our own screens, we just miss the those subtle moments of encouragement and presence. God created us as living, breathing human beings who were designed for relationship and connection. We're made in his image and created to live in community and love each other. That truth transcends any technology and it is calling us back to authentic relationship. We need to do this through creating some text tech free zones in our house. Because technology, yes, it's going to support learning, yes, it's going to entertain us occasionally. It does not replace that life giving, face to face, heart to heart connections that are shaping children into whole thriving people. So as parents, as caregivers, as Grandparents, as teachers, as coaches, we really need to prioritize presence over pixels. I keep saying that. And really having God's design for community over digital isolation.

Technology can subtly and steadily erode intimacy and connection in a healthy marriage

Now, before I talk some more about kids, let's talk about the impact on marriage, okay? Because in today's hyper connected world, technology, it can subtly and steadily erode intimacy and connection and communication and emotional connection that are the cornerstones of a healthy marriage. We see this side by side scrolling phenomenon. If you're on social media, you absolutely see reels that depict this couple that find themselves physically together on the couch, in the bed, at the dinner table, but they're emotionally distant. It's this parallel living. They start this parallel living. Now this is interesting to me as a pediatric nurse practitioner because I know that toddlers engage in parallel play. That's how they learn to play. They play next to each other. They might be playing the same thing, but they're not cooperating, they're not communicating with each other, just, just playing parallel. And we see this kind of regression now to marriage of parallel living. We're not sharing life as much as we are living it parallel. And it also diminishes our quality time together. Technology is the thief of time. It is intruding on those moments that are meant for connection. We are constantly distracted in our marriage. Communication by notifications, by emails, by social media, by. You stream this, I'll stream that. I don't wanna watch that show. I'll watch my show. You watch your show. And it just reduces those meaningful conversations and shared experiences. It also increases our distraction and stress because in marriage we may have, we have a marriage, but we feel pressure to always be available for work. I have to answer this notification and maybe I'm not sleeping because I'm scrolling till I fall asleep and then I'm checking my phone in the middle of the night and I'm chronically distracted. And that reduces physical and emotional intimacy. When digital digital devices are that habitual barrier, we miss those subtle but vital cues of intimacy. When you're side by side scrolling, there's not eye contact, there's not touch, there's not thoughtful listening. And this can really impact the quality of your communication. And I think about how many hours we might spend scrolling and then we wonder why we feel so distant. We wonder why we feel so discontent. And listen, like I said, I, I'm right there with you in all of this. These are realities of 21st century living that are really hard. And you know, we see this, this myth of digital multitasking, okay? We can stay connected but it really, it dilutes our emotional presence. We have to give our spouses, our families the gift of our presence. And so think about, do you have those intentional tech free zones that are going to help with your marriage? Maybe that tech free zone is when you're watching something at night on the couch together. Maybe that's your bedroom. Where is it that you have a tech free zone? is it the front porch where you can go and sit together and you don't bring your phones out there? You go out there for time of intentional connection. Where is it a physical space in your home that is a tech free zone for those marriage talks? I know my husband and I, we do have a front porch where we will go and sit and we won't bring our phones out there. It's a time to have conversation that can be really helpful and just simple acts of having conversation with each other, it's really helpful. Technology is powerful, but it's a powerful disruptor when it replaces those real heartfelt connections in your marriage. And, and so we can reclaim that by having a tech free zone in your marriage and just looking in each other's eyes and having that honest communication to have connection. It, it will improve your marriage health, but it also improves your holistic health. Now when we look at the impacts of being connected 24, 7, we don't have any place, we don't have any time where we're not connected. We see anxiety, depression, we see distractedness. And we say that studies show that youth anxiety has doubled in the past decade. You can't tell me that that doesn't have to do with something being available 24, 7. And we see this epidemic of loneliness despite digital connectedness. We see for emotional health when we are just tethered to our screens all the time. We don't have those face to face communication skills and empathy. Do you know how you see this played out? You see it played out in social media comments because people lose empathy for the person who may be posting something and they say something online that is something they would never say in person. I mean you all know it. If you're on any social media community group feed, you can see anything posted like somebody's dog is out, somebody's teenager is driving too fast. You know, somebody is charging too much for a community service and, or did it or a service, a professional service and didn't give good service. And cue all of the keyboard warriors and you will see these comments that you just wouldn't say in person. But it's changed the landscape of our digital communication. We also, we just see that strained. It, it is not easy, but we are just tethered to it. We're addicted to it. We see this loneliness paradox where they're digitally connected but relationally disconnected. And kids today, you know, we think about how many friends they have. It's really interesting to me because when I ask kids how many followers they have on social media or whatever is appropriate for the platform, they'll usually tell me down to the specific number. Like they'll tell me, I have 2,321. Now in your real life, do you have that many friends that you can maintain that kind of relationship with? Probably not, but yet it's normal for kids today to have hundreds or thousands of online friends, but they still say they're lonely. How can they have thousands of friends but they lack that real world connection. I see this from kids over and over again. I see it from parents over and over again. These social media apps, our phones are designed to keep our attention. But only real life relationships fulfill our, God given craving for connection. And so often when we see those kinds of posts on social media, we say they're looking for attention. No, they're looking for connection. That's really what they're looking at. And God created us for community to step out of the noise into true relationship with God and with each other. And when we come back from this next break, for the rest of the time, I'm going to talk to you about some, some practical strategies on how you can create tech free zones in your home. Because there needs to be some sacred spaces where devices are just off limits. It matters for a lot of reasons, but I will empower you with some ideas that might work for your family. What can you do? Because creative tech free zones are not about policing. It's not about, about restrictions. It's about invitation. Inviting your family members into a richer, more present relationship to be free of the pressure of phones. And when you carve out these intentional moments, you're going to create space for joy and laughter and meaningful conversations that screens simply can't replicate. So don't go away. I'll be right back with more on some practical tips for creating tech free zones in your home. And we'll talk about some conversation starters for how do you reset these tech free zone boundaries when you think they're not going to be well received? I'll have some ideas when you come back.

The month of June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture

>> Podcast AFA Spots: The month of June has been hijacked by the anti Christian culture to show their pride in something God calls an abomination. When you support afr, you help us continue to stand for godly values and provide the resources for you to stay in the know about the enemy's tactics. To say thank you for your gift, this month, we'll give you the booklet Inside the LGBTQ push of the 1990s. To help strengthen your convictions, just go to afr.net/offers afr.net/offers.

>> Jesus Is My Healer by Jessie Harris featuring Gateway Worship: Jesus is my healer. He's everything I need. He alone has triumphed over sickness and fear. Where is your power? The cross is your defeat. Jesus is my healer. He has won the.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Jesus is My Healer by Jessie Harris, featuring Gateway Worship. I, love that song. And Jesus is our healer. When we face distractions, when we face an epidemic of loneliness, whatever it is you're facing today, Jesus provides all of the hope that you need for healthy families. And that's what I'm here today to prescribe for you.

We're talking about this week's healthy habit creating tech free zones

We're talking about this week's healthy habit creating tech free zones. Now, what is it? What is a tech free zone and why does it matter? Well, in today's hyper connected world, we are just rarely more than an arm's reach from our phones, our tablets, our laptops. We literally have all kinds of wearable texts, whether that's a watch, a ring, a, phone that's in our pocket and our purse that's constantly connected to us. And we might be checking emails at the dinner table or scrolling through social media during family time. Technology just has a way of creeping into every corner of our lives, and sometimes that's at the expense of what matters most. So this is where I am introducing to you the idea of a tech free zone. Now, this is a designated space or a time, we'll talk about space today, where digital devices are just put away on purpose. It might be your dining room during meals, the car during school, pickup. Maybe it's the hour before bedtime. Every family is different. Every family will have different needs. Needs and what will practically work and what won't. And the goal isn't, hey, let's reject technology altogether. But how can we create some intentional space where real connection can happen? And this is so important because our minds, our bodies, our, relationships, they all need room to rest and recharge. And when we put our devices down and have that tech free zone, we step into that. We are showing our loved ones that they matter more to us, us than the screen. The life that's happening right in front of us matters more than the life that we're watching Through a little blue lighted square corn, small corner of the world. And in a world full of noise, tech free zones invite us back to what is real. So let's talk about how do we do this? How do we have a tech free zone? Well think about, do you have one right now? Do you have a space in your home where devices are off limits? Is it the dining room table? Is it the bedroom? Is the family room? Do you even have any tech free zone? And if you do, great. If you don't, that's okay too. What could it be? What could you do? And we have to lead by example. We have to model the tech free behavior that we want to see. And so you should create a family agreement, a tech contract that you create together and agree to hold each other accountable. And you might need a physical reminder of this. It might be a, a basket, a charging station outside the tech free zones. I'll give you a, very unpopular tech free zone that I had in my house. When my kids were emerging as teenagers and phones were just coming onto the scenes. My kids bedrooms were tech free zones. I was that parent that said no tech is allowed up in their bedrooms. Listen, especially for kids, their bedroom is their most intimate safe space where they feel the most safe and the most secure in the world. For most kids they're going to feel that way. So their, they're less likely to be guarded. They're more likely to engage in something that's a risk taking behavior and not the whole world needs to see their most intimate private space. And so when my kids would have friends that would come over, some had phones, some didn't, some had social media, some didn't, some had rules, some didn't. We would have a counter, had a tray on the counter where everybody would check in their phones. And I would say, hey, my kids room rooms are a tech free zone. You may come and check in at your tech anytime here. You can contact your parents. You, I have chargers here. You are welcome to stand at the counter and to use your phone anytime you'd like. But there is no tech in the kids rooms. And you should have seen these kids looking at me the first time saying, are you serious? And I say as a heart attack, I am serious. Yes. And you know what? They had fun and it was okay. And we got over that awkwardness and it just set the expectation, hey, that's the rules of this house. So that, that was a way that I did that early on and I'm so, so glad that I did. So maybe you have a device drop zone for that kind of circumstance and really try not to be the phone police because if you're nagging or you're punishing or you're constantly telling them get off your phone, that's no fun. Create a, create. That's why that family contract really comes in helpfully. So here's some creative other tech free zone ideas. So maybe you have. Maybe that tech free zone is a day of the week. Maybe it's Sunday, maybe it's a tech free Tuesday. Whatever it is, announce the day in advance to prepare family members mentally and emotionally. This is going to be a tech free zone today. And but replace that screen time with something fun. We talked in one of the previous habits about how to have fun with your family. Kids need some fun in their lives that is connected to relationships. Just not edutainment, infotainment. They don't need to be entertained. They need connection. And so use that extra time that you have. Now, my family did this last summer. We're going to try it again this summer where we would just put our phones in a box box and keep on a post it note the number of hours that we gained together that we took back from tech for a family. And it started to be a competition to see can we reach this milestone, can we get this goal. It was great because we had the kids buy in. This is also a tech free zone for me. Device free dinner. I, the dinner table is definitely device free. And who are the worst offenders? Me and my husband and our kids will say no devices at the table table. But dinner or mealtime is just a natural gathering time. It's an ideal opportunity to deepen those connections without distractions. So be so bold as to create a device free dinner. No phones, no tablets, no TVs and make some fun conversation starters. Now here's where my kids will make fun of me to no end. Because one of those conversation starters may or may not have been a manners book for a time time.

Taking a break from devices during your vacation can be a spiritual discipline

Oh, that was not popular at all. They did not like it at all. But you know what still makes them laugh to this day? Recalling those manners and giving me endless grief about it. Yes, that manners book. So was it worth it? Yeah, it absolutely was. So you could ask things like what's one thing that made you laugh today? One of my favorites is what's the phrase that your teacher says the most? Oh, you can get some great insight on that. if you could have dinner with any person, who would it be? Or what are you grateful for? There are all kinds of ways to habit stack those conversations. To keep it light, to keep it fun, to ask what's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten? Or what would you want your superhero power to be? Or maybe you could rotate who picks the question each night to encourage participation and ownership and also unpredictability. Because let's be real, the young youngest in the family is the most unpredictable. You never know what they may have. Another zone free tech free zone in our house was the car at pickup time. That was. I did not want my kids to get in the car and to immediately zone out on their phone. I wanted to hear about their day. So we just made that an expectation. I have a captive audience and this isn't your phone time. Your phone time is later. That might be as a tech free zone for you. Another tech free zone we have have is our bedrooms. Bedrooms are meant for rest and so every night our kids check in their phones outside of the bedroom. That could be a tech free zone that you have where it's just a space where you don't have the the distraction of technology. Maybe you have a tech free vacation. I know that would be really, really wild, wouldn't it? But taking a break from devices during your vacation. I talked a little bit about the, this last week. Just announce ahead of time that you're going to have a tech detox or a tech free zone on the vacation. That can be really helpful. So what are I'm asking you to think, could you designate a certain room or an area of your house to be screen free? Is there a tech free zone that you can have? The kids know they can go into this space and it's going to be tech free. And maybe that's a maybe that's a time. We'll talk about that next week. But what is the tech free zone in your home? And again, it's not about policing, it's not about restrictions, it's about invitation. That's what we want to have. And the tech giants are out there. They have billion dollar labs, they have the world's best psychologists. This is who we're up against. We are the underdogs in this for sure. But, but we can overcome. And you know, that is something that we absolutely can do. And we have to remember that technology itself, a phone, is not evil. But how we use it absolutely matters. And that unplugging can quickly become a spiritual discipline and a way to hear God's voice and see his creation more clearly. And you can encourage your family to view that tech free zone as a sacred space. This is a place to, to rest. This is a place to find peace. This is a place to find my presence. And sometimes this can be really difficult if you haven't done this before. If everybody's in the habit of sitting on the couch side by side scrolling, if everybody brings their phone to the table, here are some conversation starters to reset those tech free zone boundaries. Don't be afraid to be that parent to say, hey, I know that this is the way that we've been operating, but I've really been thinking and praying about this and I've convicted and we're going to make some changes and they may not be popular. It may be tough, we may need to fine tune it a little bit. But I am committed to do this for our family's health and I need your help.

Every family is different. So if you take one small step this week,

So here's some questions you can ask. How do you feel when we spend time together without screens? What do you enjoy most about that? And they may tell you something that they really love to do, something that you can incorporate more. You could ask them, what are some places in our home you think it's really important to put phones or tablets away? Where do you wish was screen free? I'll never forget a patient telling me once, I wish I was my mom's phone. And I said, oh, really, Tell me about that. And they said, yeah, because she's always with it. She always looks at it, she never forgets it. It's always with her. It gets more attention than I do. that was deeply convicting for me. You could also ask your family, what do you think are some good reasons for having tech free zones? How do you think this might help our family? You can ask them, how do you notice how being on screens impacts your mood or your sleep? You can ask them, when does it annoy you that I'm on your phone? When I'm on my phone? What, when does that, what drives you crazy about that? Where do you think that I could be on my phone less? You could ask them, what would help make it easier, more fun for you to unplug? during our tech free times, what would you do if you knew? I wouldn't say no. And how do we remind each other gently and respectfully when someone forgets the tech free rules? It's really important to establish this because I give my kids invitation to hold me accountable, but it has to be respectful and it's not fun for Anybody for somebody to be the phone police. But to give a gentle reminder to say, hey, tech free zone, Tech free zone. We're in a tech free zone. They can say that and we can ask, talk with your family about what are the parts of the day when using your device is really important, but how do we balance that? Where's some space in the day that you think there's a space in your life that we think we could unplug? That could be really helpful. And you know, I know that it's not always easy easy, especially like I said, when our screens are designed by some of the smartest minds in the world with the sole goal of keeping us hooked on the platform. Just watch one more video, play one more level, do one more email. But remember, the only thing that social media can never replace is those real life relationships. And that's the kind that God created us to crave. So if you take one, one small step this week, maybe it's starting with just one device, free dinner, maybe it's setting a room that is off limits for tech. Just remember it's a journey, it is not a sprint. Every family is different. Every moment of presence that you reclaim is a blessing for your family. And that is, that's a really fun thing to do. It is all about conversation too, because when we scroll through tech, we forget about the things to talk about and we forget about how to have conversation. And so we want to have conversation with our family that's light and fun, that's thoughtful and reflective. Maybe it's faith based or maybe it's just gratitude, but kids, just to have conversation, maybe ask them what's the funniest thing that happened to you today? But have a joke of the day or if you were an animal for the day, which one would you be? Those kinds of family conversations can be, can be helpful. But tech free zones at nighttime, especially when you're going to say goodnight to someone, having that time where you disconnect from tech and you tuck in your kids at night, you have a conversation with your spouse. Those things can be really meaningful. And asking, what made you smile today? What's something that you love about me or a person in our family? What's a happy memory that always makes you laugh? What's something new together you want to try as a family? What's your favorite Bible verse? How are you seeing God work in your life? What's one way you can show kindness to others? Who in your family do you think shows strength and dignity? These are all the kinds of connections that we're missing out on. Technology is the the thief of time. I am absolutely convinced of that. And so I encourage you this week to think about what can be some tech free zones in your home and tune in for the more habits on tech. We'll talk about tech free times. We'll talk about tech tracking and transparent tech, tech tidying. There's so many more things to talk about with technology and if you'd like some more resources, you can check out those out in my book, Behind Closed Doors, A Parent A Guide for Parents and Teens to Navigate Life's Toughest issues. You can listen in on Fridays or you can go back to the doctor Nurse mama coaching minutes. Thanks for joining in today. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you even in those tech free zones and especially in those tech free zones in your house. I'll see you again here next time.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.