Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing Hope for Healthy Families following devastating flooding
>> Jeff Chamblee: Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And for those of you who tuned in yesterday, thank you so much for listening. We had a really special, sweet time together just praying for and thinking about all of the families who are impacted by the flooding that is sweeping through Texas and then now in New Mexico to some extent. And thank you so much to all of you who reached out, who are donating, who are volunteering, who are praying. Thank you so much for that. We continue to keep those families in our prayers and so close. We know that God is close to the brokenhearted and we know that he heals those who are crushed in spirit. And so we just continue to pray and to mourn with those who mourn, weep with those who weep, and continue to show up with all of the things that are needed for that emergency response. So thank you so much for that.
Decluttering expert Kathy Lipp joins us to talk about tackling clutter
Today we have something a little more light hearted and I will tell you that we all need it because the news is so serious. But we have been doing a series that I have named the Declutter Diaries. I've been sharing my own decluttering journey as we've been walking through. And we have decluttering expert decluttering queen Kathi Lipp joining us for this series. And you know, we've talked a about a lot of really important, meaningful things this year. But I think that we haven't gotten any kind of response like we've gotten to decluttering. It seems like this is a collective problem. So if you are already thinking, oh, Kathy's on today, I need to start cleaning out my kitchen junk drawer while I'm listening because that was a real email from a listener. You are not alone, my friend. You are not alone. And clutter just seems to be this American problem that we are dealing with. And I know, I am too.
The Declutter Diaries tackles life's messes with Kathy Lips
So welcome back to this next episode of the Declutter Diaries. We are tackling life's messes, literal messes, the psychological messes that come from all of the clutter that weighs down on us. And today we're going to open the front door, not to let clutter in, but we're going to lock it down. Kathy's going to walk us from our front door. She is a clutter fighting ninja. Really she is. And Best selling author Kathi Lipp's. She says the real secret to a peaceful home isn't just about getting rid of the junk. It's not letting it in to begin with and not letting it back in once we've cleaned it out. So think of it like a bathtub. If, decluttering pulls the drain, but the faucet's still going. Well, grab your floaties. You're going to be drowning in it before you know. And today we're going to talk about how really to become the bouncer of our own homes. Standing at the door, saying, no, not coming. And I know it is Amazon prime going on. I know there are all kinds of memes about boxes coming to the door. It is really hard, but really, it should be. If it is not on our list, if it is not an actual need, it's not getting in. Last time we talked about her low by July challenge, which is still going on. Not too late to jump in. We'll talk about that.
Kathy Lips talks about preventing clutter rather than just decluttering
And it is time, my friends, to trade guilt shopping, freebie grabbing. Let me grab it just in case for the radical question, do I really want this in my house? Do I really need this in my house? So, Kathi, that's what we're talking about today, stopping the clutter before it starts. So why is it important to focus on preventing clutter rather than just decluttering what we have? And please do tell us again about low by July for those who missed it.
>> Kathi Lipp: Oh, Jessica, it's so great to be back with you. And let me tell you what it's, you and I just talked. I. I've been sick for a couple of weeks here, and can I tell you, it's noticeably decreasing, increase the amount of stuff coming into my house. And that's a real sign to me, right? That's like, oh, you know, I'm just so used to anytime I go out, stuff comes home. And so, let me just say that's exhausting for people, you know, because anytime something comes into your house requires your attention. Where do I put this? Where do I, you know, where will I find it when I need it? Those kind of questions, how do I take care of it? You know, anytime you buy something, you know, we just bought a new Roomba because ours had, had served its purpose in life. But then there's the filters that go with it and all that. That's the kind of acquisition I love. But there are lots of things that we purchase that require our maintenance that we really don't need. And so why am I adding Stress to my own life. And so I loved your analogy of the bathtub. You know, even if you unplug the, if you keep the water coming through, eventually it's going to overflow and it's going to cause real damage. And here's what I know. You can't declutter your way out of a clutter problem. you, if, if you keep bringing the stuff in, you are never solving the problem. And of course we're always bringing something in. But yes, you know, groceries, let's go with that. Yes, we need that. Medications, clothes every once in a while. But there are so many things that we can bring in that mindlessly without even knowing about it. And so I have to ask myself, do I really want this in my house? Not oh, that's cool. But do I really want this in my house? And to think about where will I put this, what kind of maintenance before I buy it or accept anything. That's another way that things come into our house. Just because it's free doesn't mean it's clutter free. And so we need to know it's not just about saving money. It's about saving the stress. You know, it is funny when I tell people that I'm going on the Dr. Nurse Mama show to talk about clutter, and they're like, unpack that for me. Flutter messes with women's cortisol levels, like the stress hormone, it is detrimental to our health. And so, you, you asked about low by July. We are, on day 10 of it. It is never too late to start with us. We're doing it over in our Facebook group, Kathi Lipp's Clutter Free Academy. Just go ask to join. We'll let you in. And, what it is, it's really putting some consciousness between ourselves and what we bring into the house, what ourselves and our purchases. You know, how easy is it to just tap, you know, ship it, you know, the one click buy with one click on Amazon. It's so easy to do. And our, our consumer society has taken down all the barriers to bringing things into your home. And they have done. They spend millions of dollars to, separate us from billions of dollars. And so we need to make sure that just because something is easy to acquire, doesn't equate it with being necessary to acquire.
Clutter is something that is keeping families from being healthy, Kathy says
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Kathi is always so convicting, and you're so right when you come on this show. Our whole mission here at the doctor Nurse Mama show is to prescribe hope for healthy families. And I am convinced that clutter is Something that is really keeping families from being healthy, because it does. It increases your cortisol levels. It increases the conflict that you have because moms are griping at their kids about all the clutter that they're tripping over, and then husbands are griping at their wives and they come home, and then wives are griping at their husbands about all of the clutter in the garage. I mean, you could just go on and on, and you. And you really hit on something. You kind of struck a nerve there with me, Kathi. But it is something that we really have to call a spade a spade. We're really. When we talk about clutter, we can kind of talk about it lightheartedly, but it's. It can really be a cover for some sins that we have in our life. Yeah, I use the sin word because we're talking about idolatry and we're talking about greed and consumerism and trying to, you know, take care of ourselves and overspending and indulging when. When it's not financially responsible. These things are all evidence of spiritual disciplines. And as I say this, I feel like I'm shrinking into a puddle in my chair, you know, because I see this in my life. I really see this. I'm discipline to take care of the things that I have. So I buy other things because I can't find the things that I have, all of those things I love. So I love the idea of really being a bouncer at your own front door. That. That was a concept you put to me because we do. We want. We should have a bouncer to keep sin out of our life, you know. Nope, not coming in here. Not happening this time. But really thinking about, do I want it in my house? And Kathi, it reminds me of an earlier show when we were talking about things that you love, but they're out in your garage, you know, they don't make it in your house. And you said, I'll never forget this. I question your love. If it's in a box in your garage, I question your love. And I think of all of the frustration that some families have because they have this big decluttering day, and then it just accumulates right back in. So we're really talking about not only behavior change, but heart change. So let's talk about how it's such a sneaky thing and how it just really sneaks in. It doesn't. We don't intentionally think going to buy this thing I don't need and, you know, let it sit on the dining room table for the next nine months. It's sneaky. So how does it, how does it do that?
>> Kathi Lipp: Yeah. Well, okay, so I'm going to give you an example. I was at a conference recently, and everybody in these, this conference, I thought they were wearing headphones around their necks. What they were wearing were fans. These amazing fans that, kept them cool throughout the whole conference. And I'm like, oh, I need those. And. But I've got a new rule. If it sits on my dining room table, which, by the way, we don't use because, you know, just real life, for five days, I ship it back because either I'm not excited about it, I don't need it. it was an impulse. So these, I'm like, oh, no, I want these. I've unpacked them, I've charged them. They are something that I absolutely want and need. But it's so easy to let things, you know, you buy something in the moment and you. It arrives and you forgot that it was coming because it really wasn't that important to you. So I'm not trying to make anybody feel guilty. I'm trying to say, let's recognize what advertising, what marketing, what, sales are doing to us. They're lowering our resistance, and so we have to stand strong in the face of that. I do not bulk at anybody buying something they need or something that they truly want. It's the impulsivity that we need to get in the way of. Now there are also clutter creepers, these things that we don't even notice. So let me give you a couple of examples. Freebies. You know, you go to a conference or, a salesperson drops by your work and they've got the notepads and the pens and things like that. Or you're at the hotel and there's the, the lotion and the shampoo. Now it always cracks. I crack myself up because here's the thing, friend. I buy a very expensive shampoo. Why am I grabbing the shampoo from the hotel that I would never use in real life? Like, it's not for my curly hair, you know, it's. It's just craziness. Then let's talk about kids, school items. Just because your child has touched it at school does not need. Mean it needs to be saved until Jesus comes back. It really doesn't. guilt gifts or family heirlooms you didn't ask for. now I will say sometimes I take things from relatives because they are not good at getting rid of stuff. And I'm better at It. So I've made a deal with one of my relatives. I say if you give it to me, you don't get to come check up on it at my house. And so they've given me a lot less stuff recently because even though it's not important to them, they want it to be important to me.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: that's not fair.
>> Kathi Lipp: It's not fair. It's not fair. And then let's talk about Amazon Autopilot because I, like everybody else, have signed up for some things that get auto shipped and some of that I find really helpful. Like we have water filters for our house that as soon as they get dropped off, that's my reminder to go change the water filter. It's a great system, right? But, sometimes the auto ships build up and if they're building up, it's time to cancel the authorship. I don't care if you're saving 5%, it's time. I want you to save 100%. So we need to create that no thank you reflex. It's okay to politely decline.
We're talking about stealth clutter today on the Declutter Diaries
Well, meaning clutter. It's pre deciding and we've talked about that before.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Pre deciding. I'm going to hold you right there, Kathi, because you have actually three really good tips for these clutter creepers that come around. And you're so right because those three words are the most common words that I hear as self adopted therapy. Add to cart. Add to cart. That makes me feel better. I have that dopamine hit and I feel better and I'm going to treat myself because that's what marketing tells us to do. We've got to have more restraint. I've got to have more restraint. When we come back, we'll talk more about keeping clutter out of your front door. And we'll start with three tips for those clutter creepers. We'll see you back on the other side of this break with Kathi Lipp.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Come and go with me to my father's house. Come and go with me to my father's house. It's a big, big house with lots and lots of A big, big table with lots and lots of food. A big, big yard where we can play football. A big, big house. It's my father's house.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Hey, welcome back, friends. That is a 90s throwback. That's big House by Audio Adrenaline. How Many of you 90s Christian music fans out there said touchdown after they said we can play football. Touchdown. Those of you who think I have no idea what you're talking about, it's okay. Because that was just a fun song to sing. And whether you have a big house or a small house, it doesn't matter. All of us struggle to some extent with clutter. Here in America, we are blessed with abundance, and it can be really hard to keep that clutter out of our house. And we're talking with Kathi Lipp today on another episode of the Declutter Diaries about how quick clutter creeps. We're talking about clutter creepers. Try to say that 10 times fast. That's hard. But it comes in really quietly. It comes in those tote bags from the conferences. I have been, through those exhibit halls where people are stuffing their bags full of all of the goodies that are just going to sit in that tote bag for the next six months in. In your office. It can sneak in through backpacks. It rides emotional waves of guilt like Kathi talked about. I loved how she said it wasn't important to you, but you want it to be important to me. Or maybe we have nostalgia. Maybe we say it was on sale. We have girl math. I know. Is that offensive? Girl math thinking I saved money. We're talking about stealth clutter today. The stuff that kind of tiptoes into your house when you're not looking. But hey, fear not, Kathi Lipp is here. She's going to teach us how to turn on our clutter radar and politely say no, thank you before our garage becomes a museum of other people's good intentions. And so we're going to learn how to pre decide, as Kathi said, what not to let in. So let's go into detective mode. Look for that clutter creep. Put the bouncer at your door saying, not today, it's not going to happen. And Kathi, you were just about to give three really good tips on keeping out some of these clutter creepers.
>> Kathi Lipp: Yeah. So the first thing is that no, thank you reflex that we talked about, you know, you talked about at, ah, you go to a conference and you load up your bag with goodies. Now, here's the thing. I was talking about this with the shampoo, but also, I am very particular about my pens. I am. I'm weird about my pens. I like. My favorite is the Sharpie S gel. I'm not sponsored by them, but, you know, if the Sharpie people want to reach out. But why would I take a, ah, ballpoint pen that I'm not going to use? Because I'm so particular about this ballpoint pen. Now I'm not as particular about my notepads and things like that. So, yeah, I could take a free notepad, but a pen, a shampoo, a calendar, like, a phone cover, I don't need those. So I can just say, no, thank you, because I've already pre decided I'm not going to let that into my house. So that's my number one rule, is to, you know, create, build up your no, thank you reflex. and then I want you to think about everything that comes into your house costing you an hour. Now you're like, okay, Kathi, if I bring in this, you know, Sunday school paper from my child, that's not going to cost me an hour. Maybe not, but maybe, maybe you've moved it four different times from this pile to this pile to this pile, to this pile. And then you have to have the discussion with your child. Is this an important paper to you? And if you decide it's an important paper, where are you going to keep that paper? And so, potentially, some of the things you're bringing into your house are much more than an hour worth of work. And so every time I'm bringing something in, I am upping my workload by an average of an hour. Is that item really worth an hour of my time? And so I would just love, you know, you and your producer, Stephanie, Jessica, you've been on this journey.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: We have.
Jessica wants you to make a list of five things you typically bring into house
>> Kathi Lipp: I'm wondering if I could issue a challenge to the two of you and everybody who's listening.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes, I'm scared, but I'll do it. Kathi.
>> Kathi Lipp: Okay, here's what I want you to do. I want you to think about this, okay? For the rest. Rest of the month of July. Okay. Just the rest of the month. We've only got, what, 20, 21 days? Okay, what are, five things that you typically bring into your house that you're not going to. So could it be I'm not going to bring in new clothes or I'm not hitting the target aisle? You know, the dollar aisle at. Ah, Target it maybe. okay, Jessica, this one may hurt. I'm just gonna say this one may hurt.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Okay.
>> Kathi Lipp: Books.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, my goodness, Kathi, now you're just being so extreme. I mean, I know we're friends, but this is. This is a lot. This is a lot, right?
>> Kathi Lipp: It's a me. But I, you know, do I have enough books in my house to read right now? I. I do.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I have enough books to read till Jesus comes back. I mean, honestly, I do.
>> Kathi Lipp: Yeah. Seriously, friend, if we went through. Okay, I can't even believe I'm going to say this, but if we went through another thing like the pandemic, and I didn't have a t. Enough tv, I would have enough books to read through that entire time. Like, I'm, I'm. I'm looking at myself. Like, the rest of this month, I am. I. This whole month, I'm not bringing any clothes into the house. House. I'm not bringing any books into the house. I am not reef. I'm not bringing any vitamins into the house. Like, it. Okay, I don't like those fiber vitamins. Why am I keeping them? so, Kathi, you either have to take the fiber you don't like or get rid of them. So I'm just taking them. I'm like, you know what? I can do this for the rest of the month. So make a list of five things that you unthinkingly bring into your house and just say, okay, for the next three weeks, I'm not going to do it. I'm just not going to do it. And just see if that makes you more conscious about what you're bringing in.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Kathi, I will do that. And I promise you that I will have a bouncer at my door because I already feel like my husband's leaving work to drive home to say, I will volunteer to be your bouncer. Don't worry, I will give you that accountability. I will stand at the door and say, you said these five things. They are not coming in. He would be more than happy to help hold me accountable. But I will say right here, since it is the Declutter Diaries, I commit to you that I will come up with a list of five things that I usually bring into the house. It shouldn't be that hard because there's probably like 50 and I will share next time what that is and, and share how it goes, because it is, it's so hard. But you've come into my life at such a good time because we've talked about all these different life stages, Kathi, and it is hard because I'm launching kids into adulthood. And right now I've got kids coming and going and moving, and my house looks, it looks like it's a factory for Amazon Prime Day. Like, it just looks like that. But it's a great opportunity too, at this stage of transition to really adopt new habits.
Kathy says delayed decisions are better decisions than instant gratification
And one of those other habits that you have, a great rule or, suggestion that you have is the 24 hour rule or the pause button, because it really has stuck with me. Kathi, you talk about one thing, coming into your house and taking an hour, it's that Decision. And some people, you may think, oh, one paper is not going to take me an hour. Some people, People, me. Me is some people that's going to take me 12 hours. Because I'm going to sit there and overthink. I'm an overthinker. And I'm going to think like, should I get rid of it? Should I not? Should I put it in here? Should I not? Nope, I'll put it in this box. No, I'll put it in this binder. No, I'll put it in this. And then why, why am I torturing myself with that and with this world of instant gratification? That's part of why we bring so much stuff in, because of that impulsive buying. But you have a big idea that delayed decisions are better decisions. My husband is really good at this.
This is for people who struggle with impulse purchases
So talk to us about the 24 hour rule.
>> Kathi Lipp: Okay. This is for people who struggle with impulse purchases. Now I'm also talking to the person whose house would never appear cluttered, but they're just great at organizing their clutter. Like, they, they've got all the matching hangers, so all the clothes look super organized, but they know in their heart it's more than they'll ever use. So you can be cluttery without appearing cluttery. And I think at minimum a 24 hour rule is, is essential. And if you struggle with impulsivity when it comes to bringing things into your house and shopping, you might need to give yourself a 72 hour rule. Or what I have taken to doing is I only put thing, I only hit buy on, my Amazon cart twice a month. And so I let things sit in there. There's never an emergency, really. You know, we did have an emergency. Not an emergency, but we needed to replace a mattress quickly. And so, you know, we, we ordered that online. That didn't count. But that things that I'm, I want, I put them in the cart. And before I hit, buy on that cart, I'm taking things out because my impulsivity really amps up my, oh, I've got to have this. And time is a great, deflator of that need to buy things. So here are some ideas. Leave it in your online cart. Try it for three days. If you're like, I don't really need to do it for three days. One day is great. That's great. or you can also use your wish list app and just put things in there and just, you know, to say, okay, this is something I would like. And then make sure. You're doing the research on that item up. I. I cannot tell you how many things I've purchased that were the wrong size or that I look back at them like they had a 3.2 rating. What was I thinking? you know, here's the thing. If it's a not A yes in 24 hours, it's probably a no. It's probably something you didn't need anyway, so there. And also, to have a budget is really important for those things. And then finally is accountability. Now, Jessica, you have the ultimate accountability partner in your husband, right? I was telling somebody, like, if. If you tend to shop like a TJ Maxx or something like that, and you say, I want to go in and I want to buy three shirts for work. Tell a friend and say, will you hold me accountable? Or I need to buy a new computer bag. And so I'm going to go in and buy the computer bag. And if I want to buy something else for $5, that's an impulse, then that's okay. Or $10 or whatever it is. But if I'm coming home with six things, that's not okay because I don't have the room, I don't have the money, I don't have the space.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Those are all really good suggestions. And, you know, I think about, my husband and how he is. He's an engineer, so he is not, inclined to the nostalgic, to the sentimental, like things use for him. And I was thinking more about what we talked about last time, Kathi, and thinking that I really have started to ask myself, okay, am I buying this because I need it and I will use it, or because I want to need it and I want to use it because I want to be the kind of person that wears that. You know, I think as a woman, I think, oh, that purse is really cute and it's fashionable. I know the men, you know, are thinking, I can't relate to that. But as a woman, I think that. And I think, but that's not the kind of purse that I use that's not practical. Everything falls out. Like, I can't carry my water bottle like I car like to carry. I just need this bag because this is functional for me. Or thinking, you know, I'm that kind of person who's going to use the fancy kitchen tools. That's just not me. And I think sometimes we have to think about that and be honest with ourselves and just be content in our own skin. Because I think sometimes we buy things just because maybe we want to Be that other person, or we want to be like that, or fall into the comparison trap. So I love this 24 hour, you know, wait, waiting rule to say, okay, going to come back after 24 hours. All of a sudden that money looks a little bit more. Do I really need this? And like you said, if it's not a yes and 24 is probably a no. The other thing I wanted to say about what you're saying, Kathi, is that, you know, for my sweet husband, he. You get a lot more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Right? You probably heard that. And I will tell you that it's been really helpful. And, honey, if you're listening, to praise those moments of progress rather than to harp on those moments of, of setback. And it's really helpful to have some of those, what I call pediatric choices, like, two choices that he can live with. But, you know, would you like to put it in this drawer or would you like to throw it away, you know, or something where I'm not just thinking, what can I do for it?
Talk a little bit about identity and about those support people around
So talk a little bit about. Talk a little bit about identity and talk a little bit, Kathi, about those support people around who are not struggling with clutter, but just struggling with the people who are struggling with clutter.
>> Kathi Lipp: Okay, I'm sitting over here in my seat, jumping up and down. I want to be the kind of person who carries that kind of bag. I want to be the kind of person who wears that boho top. I want to be the kind of person. And so I see things like on Pinterest or on a friend or on Instagram, I'm like, oh, that's the cutest shirt in the world. But then I have to remember, or you know what, that person probably doesn't hate ironing as much as I do, or that person probably lives in either a different tax bracket or, let's be honest, maybe living out off of their credit cards and is buying things that can take more maintenance. So, I work from home, Jessica. and, I do, like, things that are cotton. But what I've come to do is I iron everything at the beginning of the season, and I just wear it for, like, this interview or for, you know, the video I'm doing or the event I'm going to. But then if I can, I just hang it back up again. So, like, that's how I've reconciled. But I. I'm not going to wear precious silks and fabrics and things. Like, that's just not who I am. And so I have to. And it's the Kathi I want to be and the Kathi I am. And it's okay to be aspirational, but factor in the maintenance it takes to be that person. Yes, I would be the. I would love to be the person who wears the cute computer bag, the leather one. But let's be honest. You know what? As, I'm running from one plane to another, the backpack's what's doing it for me. And so I just need to know that about my. Myself and my identity needs to be in who I am and not just how I present myself to the world. So, yes, I want to look cute and put together. That's really important to me. But also, I don't look cute and put together if I'm buying things that I'm not willing to maintain.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You're absolutely, Right. We're already up against a break. We'll talk more when we come back about those support people around. But just so I'm an equal opportunity offender, maybe the guys are thinking, I want to be the kind of guy that used those tools, but they are not. They're just sitting in your garage. Oh, did I strike a nerve? Listen, we're all struggling together. Come on back, and we'll have more hope and help with Kathi Lipp. We'll see you on the other side of this break.
Sign petition urging President Trump to stand strong against LGBTQ agenda
>> Jeff Chamblee: President Trump made it clear the government will not go along with the woke agenda. Sadly, the gender radicals have intensified their attacks on our families. Would you sign the petition urging President Trump to stand strong in his resolution to stop the LGBTQ agenda in the government and in America? And please consider a gift to keep AFA action in the fight. To thank you for that gift, we'll send you the DVD in his image. Visit afaaction.net today. Afaaction.net.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: In the valley of, the shadows I got a feeling it's season that'll make me grow I'm still breathing I got praise in my lungs, in acquiring my soul. Can't steal my joy. Can't steal my joy.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends that is Can't Steal My Joy by Josiah, Josiah Queen and Brandon Lake. And listen, clutter cannot steal my joy today.
Declutter Diaries with Kathy Lip explores the spiritual discipline of having enough
Welcome back to the Declutter Diaries. We've been doing this series once a month since January with decluttering queen Kathi Lipp. And listen, this is something that has struck a nerve. It is something I really struggle with, holding on to things. And sometimes that cluttered isn't just stuff. It's really emotional baggage with a barcode is What I've discovered and that pile in the corner, it's a fear that I'm going to waste something. That drawer that you avoid is guilt wrapped in bubble wrap, thinking, I can't get rid of that because someone else wants me to value that. And so today, Kathi Lipp is really inviting us into that deeper side of clutter. How do we learn to say no to stuff and say yes to peace? And we're talking about really the spiritual discipline of having enough and why Ecclesiastes might be the original minimalist and how fewer things can mean more calm. Because if you have ever looked around your house like I do and think, why do I feel so overwhelmed? Listen, friends, this is the soul refreshing segment that you didn't know you needed. And we're trading the chase for contentment.
Why do we hold on to clutter and how does it affect relationships
And before the break, Kathi and I were talking about something that has really been deeply resonating with me, thinking about why we hold on to clutter. And sometimes it's because we just think, one day we're going to be that person. We have stuff for a home improvement project because one day my house is going to look like a magazine, or one day I'm going to fix up this car. One day I'm going to wear this thing and I'm going to look like this person. We need to be content in who we are and be brave enough to look, look deeper at the emotional side of why we hold on to stuff and why it is impacting our relationships. And Kathi, before the break, we were starting. I told you, I promised our listeners, we talk about being that support person. Maybe you're a, contributor to all the clutter, or maybe you are in combat with the clutter and you think, I am so over this. How do you get your whole house keep, Keep house on board to be encouraging to those who are struggling and to hold each other accountable. How do you get everybody on board?
>> Kathi Lipp: Yeah, so, I think a couple of things that are really helpful, especially with the people that you have. You know, there are people in your house that you negotiate with, and then there are people in your house who you manage. And so kids are usually the manager. You know, you manage them until they get to a certain age. And so for the ones you are managing, one thing and you have to be willing to also, model. This is the one in one out rule. The goal is not to get more clothes. The goal is to have a wardrobe that functions. And let's be honest, more clothes doesn't mean more options. It often means more Overwhelm. And I've seen this happen over and over again. The more clothes people have, the more they tend to go to their, their three favorite outfits because they're overwhelmed by the rest of what they have. So, a one in, one out rule. If you're getting a new toy, let's donate a toy. If you're getting a new book, can we pass a book down to the school or to another kid? can you have no buy weeks in your house where nothing is bought in your house for a week? So that means, either you are, you're cooking from everything that you already have at the house. You're, you're not buying new clothes if you're, you know, you can take it to the extreme. We do. I'll tell you, if we're going to eat out, this is no by July for us or low by July. Excuse me. we only use gift cards. We're not using our money this month for going out to eat. Fortunately, at Christmas people give us Starbucks gift cards. So we're good. But you know, we, we're skipping over, putting our money out there. And that really makes you conscious of how many times you're deciding to bring food and other things into your home. It's really interesting and I want to give a, ah, trick that has, that really helped me with kids stuff coming into the house. I had a minivan and I had a garbage can and a recycling can in the minivan van. And so when I would pick up the kids after school, I would say go through your backpacks, recycle what you can, put in the garbage, what you can. And if there's something you need me to look at and sign, put it in the folder that I have here in the van. And that it, it eliminated so much stuff coming into our house. It was, it was the best. And so, so really get your family used to no buy days. You don't need to be running to the store all the time, or hey, we run errands on Friday afternoons or Saturday mornings. And lots of times what was needed on Tuesday is no longer needed by Saturday.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you're so right about wearing the same thing over and over again because I think most of us tend to do that. And I remember one time when, you know, I was overwhelmed and I, it was during the summer. And so I just wore this outfit repeatedly until my kids, Kathi, this is embarrassing. They would start calling it my uniform. They're like, oh, Mom's in her uniform. Because there was just something comforting about Putting on the same thing every day. And I like the way that it was functional and I like, it was just easy to put on. And I thought that's what I need to be just more comfortable in my own skin in doing that and just saying, yep, this is really what I wear. This is what I'm going to keep. But you have such great practical tips.
Stopping clutter before it starts is really a form of stewardship and self care
So let's talk about the way, way that this impacts our spiritual and emotional health. And you have said that stopping clutter before it starts is really a form of stewardship and self care. That's pretty radical. Walk us through that.
>> Kathi Lipp: Yeah. so clutter can be a symptom of dis ease in our families. you know, that either we're not cooperating or we don't feel really comfortable in our house or, you know, we don't. We haven't created systems in our house to work. So understanding what that dis ease is, and I know it's, it's a play on the word disease and I don't want to make you sound like, oh, you're, you're terrible. But when there is so much clutter either probably, I'm guessing for young families it's a lack of time. Time, there's, there's just a lack of time. And so you know what, we talked about this before, what I call buying to become. I've actually, a friend of mine came up with that and it's so true. Like, I'm going to buy this shirt because that's the kind of person I want to reflect to the world to be. And sometimes we can do that with our kids. Like I want them involved in this program or I want them involved in this after school situation because that's the kind of parent I am. And it, we can, we can schedule to become. And so we're scheduling everything outside of our house and we don't have time at our house to rest, reflect, refuel. And that's what I want for you. So stopping that flow of stuff coming in really does, like we talked about your cortisol levels and how that really can have such a, an impact on you, not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. You know, I, I love Ecclesiastes 4. 6. Better 1 handful with tranquility than 2 handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. I mean, is, that's not a picture of what clutter does to us and what clutter, decluttering can do for us. I don't know what it is.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You're so right. I'm going to say that verse again because that was so good. Ecclesiastes 4, 6. Better 1 handful with tranquility than 2 handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. And you know something that I have learned, Kathi? I used to beat myself up if I bought something that I didn't use, that, you know, I felt like I wasted money or that I made a poor decision. And I have really tried to stop that, that guilt and that regret. And when I feel that coming on, I say, okay, wait, did I have an adventure or did I learn something? Because sometimes I learned, like if we buy, like you talked about, we buy sports equipment because we think, oh, our kid is going to do this sport and they're going to love it and they're going to be amazing and then I'm going to get an nil deal. But the kid hates the sport. And then when they walk out and they see that sporting equipment, it's just a constant sense of reminder of guilt that, oh, my parents bought that for me, I didn't do well, it's still there. Should I do it? Sometimes you just have to say, you know what, we had an adventure, we tried this and it wasn't for us. And that's okay. And sometimes I learned something. I learned. Okay, I'll give you an example. I'll give you a specific example here, Kathi. So when my daughter was in the sixth grade, she wanted to learn how to play the flute. She was in the band. And I, really wanted to be supportive because I feel like growing up I didn't have a lot of support or nurture, nurturing or resources for things like that. So I went all in and I bought the flute. Like, you know, and flutes are really just shockingly expensive, honestly. They really are, you know, and. But I thought, I want to be supportive. Well, within a year, she didn't like that she had moved on to something else. And I realized, okay, I learned something. I learned that I can be supportive without jumping in with both feet and making a big investment. You know, there are other ways that I can do that. But instead of feeling bad about it or guilting her about it, saying, hey, you said you were going to do this. Well, yeah. She was also 11 years old, so that was on me, you know, taking the word of an 11 year old. But I think that we need to give ourselves grace and space and give our family members grace and spacing, that sometimes we just make a mistake and there's needs to be grace and space to be human. In that, don't you think?
>> Kathi Lipp: And who, how did we get to a society where kids can't, can't price something out without a huge investment? I just heard the story of a gentleman who was talking about his daughter who was an ice skater and at ah, eight, they wanted her to make a commitment that she wanted to be competitive. Why does an 8 year old need to decide that they're going to become a professional ice skater? Why can't we just try things out? I don't think you made a mistake. I don't think your daughter made a mistake. I think the system is set up incorrectly to say, hey, why can't kids try something for a little while before they invest? Why can't I try a hobby without having to invest $500 in the equipment? Let's figure out a new system.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, I feel my husband preaching like he always loves when you're on Kathi, but I, I love that he's going to say this because he said this to me. He said when I was growing up playing sports, the coach would come with a big giant bag of really not very good equipment. Like everybody would just, you would grab a glove, you would grab a helmet. Maybe it was the 80s, so helmets weren't always there. That wasn't a good thing. We had gotten better. But you know, you look at now and, and you know, I have kids who've been in sports and the pressure is real. You go and you look and you see all of the things kids, have. And I'm not, I am not trying to shame anybody who is trying to equip their kids who have a passion or they have the resources to do those kinds, things. But when we think about the pressure that we have to keep up with the Joneses and just like you talked about that sometimes that system and sometimes we need to just be that parent to say, you know what, we're going to try this out and we're going to buy this entry level whatever and if it goes well then we'll do more. But sometimes I think as parents we just need to push back on buying all of that stuff for our kids and, and, and just teach them a better way of character. But it's so hard, Kathi. It's so much easier said than done.
>> Kathi Lipp: It really is. And the system is set up to separate us from our money. And you know, but you have to think about it this way. How many people have an old flute sitting in their garage? So you know, and by the way, the predatory lending and interest on musical Instruments is insane. So just think if you're somebody who can't really afford it, but your kid really wants to do this. I mean, the interest, it's just insane to me. And it's like, this is why community is so important to say, I have an old flute you can use. I have some old soccer balls that, you know, they may not be the best, but they're going to be enough for your kid to kick around. Community is so important.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Important, absolutely.
If you are struggling with decluttering, go join Kathy's Facebook group
And that's what we ended up doing with the flute. I donated it to the school band because I knew there was someone who was going to come along who was going to play the flute absolutely beautifully. And being able to try that out and to have that great. We learned something. We were able to donate and to do that well. So much encouragement from you. So go and find Kathy's Facebook page. You can look at it, Kathi, tell us how to find you and how to take another step. Step in the decluttering diary journey.
>> Kathi Lipp: Kathi K A T H I Kathi Lipp's Clutter Free Academy. And just go. You answer a couple of questions. We'll let you in there, and you're going to get all the love and support you need. It's the nicest group of humans on the planet.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Go and do it. I challenge you. I'm taking Kathy's challenge to have find five things that I usually bring into my house that I'm not going to do this month. I will tell you about that next month. And I challenge you. If you are struggling with decluttering, go and take the next step and join that group. And that's a wrap, really.
Kathy Lipp says stopping clutter isn't just a cleaning strategy
On today's conversation with the fabulous Kathi Lipp. And she reminds us that stopping clutter isn't just a cleaning strategy. We're talking about a lifestyle shift from guarding your front door like a bouncer to creating and exercising that no thank you reflex. We're learning that peace begins before you. You hit add to cart and purchase. So whether you're saying no to one more mug, yes to the piece of margin. Remember, less stuff. more peace. So take a breath, take a pause, maybe take that Amazon item out of your cart. I'm just saying, hey, we'll be back next month with more ways to live lighter. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and all your clutter, and I'll see you right back here tomorrow.
>> Jeff Chamblee: M. The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
