Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck prescribes Hope for healthy Families on American Family Radio

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite part of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. Listen wherever you are, whatever you're doing this afternoon, thanks so much for listening in. Thank you for joining us. we are so grateful to be the marriage and family hour here and really to prescribe hope for healthy families.

Today, our prescription for hope is choosing faith over fear in this school year

And today, our prescription for hope is choosing faith over fear in this school year. And as I've been talking with some guests about some back to school topics, really, something that keeps coming up over and over again is a theme of fear, just being fearful. Kids having fears of going back to school and being afraid of so much, parents being afraid. And we are going to talk today about how we can choose fear, faith over fear. Because God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a power, love and a sound mind. That's what we'll be talking about. And you know, the sun is starting to set on summer for me. I love summer. I love being home with my kids. I always start off with the best of intentions and by the end it's like, it's kind of a mess and I'm ready for some structure, but I can see God's grace in that. But everywhere, families are packing backpacks, they're sharpening pencils, they are bracing for the whirlwind of a new school year. I talked a little bit about this yesterday and along with all of the excitement of new beginnings comes some anxiety. We've got nervous hearts, we've got some tearful drop offs, we've got some silent worries that are going to be, uncovered or maybe not uncovered for a little while because kids sometimes can walk around with those worries and not talk about them very much. So today on the show, I want to invite you to listen in to a special moment mother daughter conversation. I have got my daughter Shelby back with us today and we're going to have a talk about how that really giving you both perspectives perspective, my perspective as a parent, her perspective as a child. Now, not so much a child, but having been that and, and how we navigated some of those fears that she had and how we choose faith over fear. Now, we're not perfect at it because newsflash, there's no such thing as a perfect family. But we do find hope and we do find healing and we do Find progress in that. So whether you have a kiddo, going to kindergarten or you're starting middle school or college, or maybe you're even a teacher who's going back or staff person at a school, we really. We know that the challenges facing students today are so real. But even more real than that is the hope we have in Christ. So we're going to talk through some common fears kids face. Will give you some practical ways to anchor your home in God's grace and God's peace and to choose faith in that way. And so listen in. So, Shelby, I'm so glad to have you back.

>> Shelby Peck: I'm glad to be back, too. Thanks for letting me keep the mic privileges. And like you mentioned, hopefully my mistakes help other people not make their own.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Our mistakes help other people. And let me tell you, I've made a lot more mistakes as a mom than you have, because I think you're practically perfect in every way. And it's so fun because for those of you who have heard Shelby before, she's actually graduated from college. Congratulations.

>> Shelby Peck: Time flies.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I cannot believe that. How did that go by so quickly? But you. So you have a lot of experience in school and going back. I know. And you're going back to graduate school. I know. I'm, This is where I'm supposed to, you know, just play it kind of chill. But I'm so proud. I can't. I can't. I'm so proud. You're. You're just amazing. And. But, you know, I look back, through your school ages. You were the first. You're my oldest. And so I'm sorry for all of the mistakes that I made. I'm sorry for being, very overly concerned about the details. And I know you look back at your younger brother and you think, like, okay, I'm a very different mom. So I'm sorry for all of the advantages that he has that you didn't have.

Shelby discusses childhood fears about school, including eating in front of classmates

But you had a lot of fears. You know, as. As all kids do. I, look back, especially those middle school years are just. Can we just agree those are the worst? Those are so hard. And then high school and then college, and then now going to grad school. What comes to your mind the most when you think about having fear in a school? Sit in your own life.

>> Shelby Peck: I think with any kid, for the most part, it's just fear of man and fear of your classmates. And whether you're 8 years old or 18 years old, you just care what your peers think about you. And even for me, it would Be something as silly as eating my lunch in front of my classmates. Like I would get embarrassed about the silly things. And what if she has the same backpack that I brought and we have the same pencil pouch and I'm not different or unique? Or what if like people perceive me as weird or I don't have anyone to sit with at lunch? Those are all things that kids think about, no matter your age, is, am I gonna make friends and are they gonna accept me?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know what's so funny is that you say, you know, whether you're in middle school, whether you're 18, or whether you're, you know, a, middle aged woman, because those fears are still the same. Some of those fears are the same. And I think sometimes as parents, Shelby, we can look back at our kids fears. Some of those fears that you were talking about, I mean, even just eating in front of your peers because you know, we put in also having braces, you know, trying to eat right, like that makes it even more self conscious. Like I don't want to open my mouth, but now I've got to go brush my teeth afterwards. That's going to be weird because I've got to leave the table. You can't. Exactly. Because that's right, exactly. But though. And so I think for parents, sometimes we look at kids and we just try to, we just see those fears as kind of annoyances, not, not out of any negative intention of our heart. We don't look at our kids and think, oh, that's annoying. We just think like, I've got bigger things that I'm worried about. That I promise you, is not a big deal. And in our perspective as adults, we know we survived those things. But what, would you say to parents to really try to put them in your shoes and to remember what it was like really to have those real fears and to pause, to slow down and to approach those with empathy.

>> Shelby Peck: Yeah, that's a great question. And I think it's when my siblings are some of them, one of them now, I guess is still in high school. Only one. That feels so weird to say, doesn't it? But, whenever he has his first day of school, one of the first questions that I remember being asked or asking him is, well, who did you eat lunch with? And it all revolves around these peer groups and you want to make sure that you have people you're talking to. And I think as a kid you're going to school and that's your fear is, okay, who am I going to be friends with? But as Parents, I feel like it was helpful when you helped me and say, well, who were you a friend to and who's it? How can you look for those kids who might be lonely and need someone to sit with at lunch? And flipping. Helping your kids reframe their mindset from being a guest to a host is a good metaphor I like to use a lot is how can your kids become hosts and be hospitable in their classrooms and serve even in a school context? It really helps take the worry off of themselves and helps them place their energy and efforts into others.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I honestly, I'm kind of stunned because I don't really remember doing that intentionally or purposefully, but I do remember we talk about that a lot. But now hearing your perspective about that, I think you're so right and you're so wise, Shelby, because when you reverse that dynamic, instead of going and saying, who's going to invite me to lunch? When you think, who, am I going to invite to lunch? That changes the power dynamic. And then it really puts you in the power seat of, okay, I'm intentionally looking for someone. And that's so true in just serving other people. That's a great way to take the focus off yourself. But it's hard because as kids, you're developmentally wired to have that personal fable, that personal stage, you know, think everybody's looking at me, everybody is hyper focused on me as I am. But I think that's a great, that's a great word of encouragement.

What advice would you give parents on helping their kids cultivate healthy friendships

Talk a little bit more, Shelby, about the, the fears that you have and fitting in. Because I know this is something that's a tale as old as time. And how did that change for you going forward? And what, what advice would you give parents on helping their kids to intentionally cultivate healthy friendships? Because I think, you know, you've had a lot of seasons of different friendships, some that were really helpful, some that were maybe difficult but instructive. How can parents help their kids to cultivate that friend group that is going to give them that feeling of belonging?

>> Shelby Peck: Yeah, I think we did a great job growing up at, just always having kids in and out of the door. At our house, it was just revolving, and we had the most random classmates just join us for dinner or join us for a car ride or going to movies or the football game or anything like that. Because a lot of kids are craving that healthy family dynamic. And a lot of kids, their only healthy interactions are coming at school. Their only time when people are asking them intentional questions, their Teachers is at school. And so just by having a safe space for kids to come, especially the younger, they are having more supervision and just for the whole family, siblings, everyone, just kind of invest in them. Was really cool for me to watch and a really good way for me to make friends and to let my classmates know that we were going to be there for them if they needed, you know, a homework buddy or if they needed something more serious and were going through a really hard time, that we were going to be there for them. And another thing, I can only speak from my experience as a girl, so it's different from my brothers. But I think another thing that I really thought about growing up and going to school was just your body image. And you grow a lot in the time that you're in middle school and high school. And even something as simple as acne can be so hard to go to school with. Or braces. I mean, thankfully I graduated high school right during COVID so we had to wear masks and be on zoom. So I got spared a little bit of that. but something that we talked about that really helped was just thinking about other people as made in the image of God really helps you see yourself as made in the image of God. And when I would go to school and be really embarrassed because my hair didn't turn out right that day, or, you know, my face was breaking out, something we would talk about is, well, do you notice those things in other people? And do you hold on to that and remember that? And the answer is no, you don't remember what a classmate wore, what shoes they had, or you just remember how they make you feel and how they treated you. And so having that mentality, again, shifting the focus off of yourself is so helpful.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, those are two really great points.

One thing that I really had to get over about having kids over was hosting

Let's go back to the first one first, because for me as a mom, something that I really had to get over about having kids over to the house all the time. And you're right, it's an open door. It's a revolving door. And we basically made a rule with you that you could always invite people over unless we told you there was some sort of time where we didn't have somebody, if somebody was stuck sick or visiting or something like that. But it's really hard for me as a mom, because even now, as a mom, I still have all of those insecurities like, oh, okay, if this. If this kid comes over, they're going to go home and tell their mom that my laundry was piled, you know, this high, that my Refrigerator was dirty. That, you know, or whatever kind of chaos there. And, and it's so, it's so humbling really, because I had to realize that, okay, here I am in my 30s and my 40s and I've still got this personal fable, this stage, you know, going here, thinking about that. It's, oh, it's about my house and I've got to have it perfect. And I had to give that up because you're so right. What they were coming for was that relationship connection. They weren't coming because they wanted a home that was, you know, going to be on the you know, hgtv, like giveaway home throwback channel. Throwback, right. But they, they didn't want that. They wanted that hospitality. I think that's, that's a barrier that we can let down as parents recognizing that, hey, yeah, we're going to welcome you into our authentic life. And guess what? People live here. Yeah, there's gonna be a pile of shoes at the door and we may have dirty laundry, we may have dishes in the sink from time to time. There may be times when we haven't been able to pick up the living room. And that is okay. I think that's really important. And what you're saying about body image is so wise as well, because we see kids, girls and boys, who just have those insecurities and it's so easy to kind of sweep those under the rug.

Social media is shaping identity for kids and in your generation

I think we can't talk enough about identity in Christ. Identity in Christ. And what are you seeing? We see, we see social media, you know, shaping identity for kids and in your generation so much, how do you see that playing out in the everyday, day to day interactions?

>> Shelby Peck: That's a good question. And it's hard because today kids are so. You're inundated by these social media personalities. And you know, I feel like you see these, sorry, mom, not to, I'm scared dig on you, but sometimes in our Family we watch 80s high school movies which are really cheesy, never good and really awful. Horrible, Horrible morals. Horrible. Like just, I'll say all around bad. Not a fan. But the stereotype of jock and artists and Glee club member and all these types of things never really goes away. And for some reason kids still try to fit themselves in that category because they find a community there. So whether they're in band or they play baseball, like they try to stick themselves into these categories, which can be hard for, kids who feel like they don't belong to one of those. And it can be hard to find Your own unique individual personality and voice when you're trying to fit a certain preppy lifestyle that you might see on TikTok, you know, kids trying to imitate these influencers that are much older than them, not in high school, kind of like the actors in the 80s high school films. So it is interesting to see how some things never change. And I think just letting your kid express themselves individually, helping them find their own voice is vital.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You're so right. They're looking for that, and that can be really, that, that can be really scary. But there's opportunity there again, just so much opportunity to continue to point them back to the fact that their image is made in Christ.

Today we're talking about how to choose faith over fear this school year

So when we come back, Shelby, I want to talk a little bit more about that and just handling social media because I think it's easy for us to kind of beat up on it and like, you know, take it as the collective enemy. I talked about this a little bit yesterday, but there's a lot more factors involved, I think. So much wisdom. Listen, when we come back, we're going to talk about how do we choose faith over fear this school year? How do we talk about fear of, bullying, Fear of the unknown? More with my daughter, Shelby. When we come back, I want you to picture this. Her name is Kayla. She is 17, alone, terrified and pregnant, sitting in a clinic, tears blurring, thinking abortion is her only option until she was offered a free ultrasound, paid for by a hero just like you. The moment Kayla heard her baby's heartbeat, the decision was made. And today, her little baby boy, Gabrielle, is thriving because preborn walked with Kayla every step of the way. Now multiply that by 38,000. That's how many babies preborn has helped save just this year. How many mothers preborn has come alongside with practical and spiritual resources to make motherhood possible. But here's the most important thing you will hear today. Their goal is to save 70,000 by the end of the year. And they can't do it without us. Every $28 provides that ultrasound. The moment everything changes, will you be the reason the next Kayla chooses life? The reason Gabrielle fulfills his destiny To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY. That's pound 250 BABY or donate securely at preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR. Nobody loves me like you love me Jesus. Amazing.

>> Nobody Loves Me Like You by Chris Tomlin: Way I worship you as long as I am breathing God, you are faithful and true Nobody loves me like you welcome back, friends.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's nobody loves me like you by Chris Tomlin and listen, that's the message that we need to be giving our kids as they go back to school this year. That nobody loves them like Christ does. Nobody knows them like God knows them. And as parents, it's so hard because we don't know every single fear, every single worry that our kids have, but we do know that they do have fears and worries. We have fears and worries as parents. We worry, are you going to be able to withstand peer pressure? And how are you going to do academically? And are you going to make friends and are you going to be happy and are you going to fit in? We have all of these fears for our kids, but our kids have fears, too. They have fears thinking, am I going to fit in? Am I going to do okay academically? Am I going to be bullied or made fun of or isolated or rejected? Am I. Is something bad going to happen? And some, a lot of kids are having anxiety about being separated from their parents. I know that's a hot topic this year as we see a lot of schools moving to no phone policies and states even having laws outlawing school, school phone use in schools. And there' definitely two sides to that argument, which we've been seeing playing out. But today we're talking about how do we choose faith over fear this school year? And I'm inviting you to a special mother daughter conversation. My daughter Shelby is joining us. She just graduated from college, is going on to graduate school, and we're talking about those fears. And before the break, Shelby, we are just starting to talk about social media. And it seems like it doesn't matter where I go or what kind of questions I get. I still get so many questions about social media because as parents, that is such a big struggle. Smartphone use, social media use. And you really, you know, were in elementary school as smartphones really started to come out. You actually did have a flip phone.

>> Shelby Peck: I did I put stickers all over it.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Are you still scarred from that or is it okay?

>> Shelby Peck: I'm thankful. I am sad because, I feel like I wasn't able to document my middle school years very well because my storage allowed for about four photos. But overall, great decision.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Great decision.

Shelby calls for healthy boundaries around social media for kids

Well, let's talk about that evolution kind of your experience with social media. And then I really want you to lean in and tell us about your generation. I've been talking about my observations of your friends, and I am convinced, Shelby, that your generation. Actually, there's a lot of kids in your generation who have a much healthier view of social media. Than even we do as adults. So walk us through your journey, what you've learned, what wisdom you would offer. Especially for parents who feel like they may be enacting some boundaries and their kids are trying to convince them this is going to ruin my life forever.

>> Shelby Peck: I'm 22, I'm still trying to figure things out. But in my experience, what I've learned, I feel like my generation compared to my siblings, our parents were in the restriction mode. Phones had just come out and they were like, no, restrict, restrict used a lot of website filters and all these types of things. Whenever I was punished as a 13 year old, it was always usually by taking away my phone. One time it was gone for a very long time because I feel like it was just new. And that was how parents and kids were trying to figure out that's what hurt the most, was taking away your phone. And today it feels so different because with younger kids it's like they have an iPad right in their lap and they have so much access to that. Like my 8 year old cousins know about more TikTok influencers than even I do because it's just so different. So there needs to be some kind of balance in the middle that I think my age is trying to finally figure out just a balance and having those healthy boundaries with social media. Because whenever we were younger and got our phones completely taken away, I did not do this so well, you know, anyways. But it's never gonna fully work, right. Like they're gonna find some old phone in a drawer that they can use as a fake one when they're grounded from their other one or, you know, you hear all these scare tactics online about kids using the calculator app, which is secretly connected to Instagram. And anytime I there's a family friend, she, is going to be in high school, got her phone taken away recently and she had been messaging her friends through the Bible app. So let me just tell you, there is a way around everything. So I don't know the. I know that it's not healthy to have an iPad in your lap. It's not healthy to completely restrict and cut your kid off from every group, me and every group messaging ever. But how do we help kids find that healthy boundary? First, I think it comes with modeling it yourself as the parent is a really helpful way if you want to teach your kids new habits. It's going to be most effective when you model it yourself.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's absolutely true and that's so hard. And honestly, that's something I struggle with. And you tell me all the time, you will come to me and say, hang up and hang out. And I see even, you know, as y' all have been home for the summer, I mean, you have such healthy boundaries around social media, recognizing and having very open conversations with your peers about the way that it influences your time and it, The way that it influences even the way that you feel about yourselves. And I, I've talked about this, but there was one conversation I overheard with you having with your friends. I, I've talked about it several times, but I can't stop thinking about it because you were talking about something that had happened and somebody in the group didn't know about it. And well, you said, well, you'll have to get. You would have to get back on Instagram to know about that. And she said, nope, that's not a boundary I'm willing to cross. And I thought, that's incredible because I will tell you, I do not hear those conversations going on with my peers. I hear most of the time as moms, we're complaining about our kids phone use and then we're looking at ours, but somehow we just justify it. I don't know if we view it as more sophisticated or more, you know.

>> Shelby Peck: Essential peak of sophistication. No, no, no, no.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm kidding. Right? You're so right. Oh, my goodness.

>> Shelby Peck: Sorry.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I am. no, but that's okay. Consider myself sufficiently humbled. And I think you're absolutely right. Is Facebook the height of sophistication? No, I don't. And yesterday I was talking about how, you know, your brother had talked about how Call of Duty, a video game had been. I can't even remember now. So many billion hours.

>> Shelby Peck: It was over million. 99 million. It was insane.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Insane. And looking about how much time this is. And so I want you to talk about that. And it interesting to hear you talk about. You see a clear distinction between Gen Z and Gen Alpha that you've been talking about. But talk a little bit more about those conversations and boundaries that you're having with your friends recognizing saying, hey, we. We have gone too far with smartphones and social media.

>> Shelby Peck: Yeah, I, I think I really realized the disconnect between Gen Z and Gen Alpha this summer because I went on a junior high mission trip with our local church. It was humbling for sure. I got called like a new trendy word, I guess, and I didn't know what it meant.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You feel?

>> Shelby Peck: I did. I felt so old. Really, I felt so I had to come home and ask my 16 year old brother, I was like, hey, the kids called me this, like, is this a nice thing? And, and he's like, no. So I, I got very humbled by them. But in that moment, you know, I, I was sad because I couldn't relate to them and sad that they called me a mean word. But also at the same time I was like, you know what? If I'm not on the Internet long enough to know what Italian brain rot is, I think I'm doing okay. Like, I don't think it's a good use of my time at this stage of my life to know a bunch of made up words and, and AI generated cartoons and all those things. But at the same time, now that I am graduated from college, it is a great tool, social media, to help me stay connected with my friends who live all around the world now. So it's just, I think, different. There's not like a rule for everyone, for every kid that's oh, you get one hour a day, you get 15 minutes a day. It's just different based on your relational context and based on that kid's specific community and needs at that time. I think the point where it's robbing you of relationship is a good point to, to put some limits on it.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, when I look back at and see, you know, kind of reflect on my mothering journey, I really wish that I hadn't been so anxious about everything. I really feel like I passed on a lot of that anxiety to you just because I was, I was so afraid that I was making the wrong choice, that I was handling things the wrong way. I think I was much more concerned about behavioral things rather than heart things. And all of that plays into social media. And one, but one of the things I do think that I did well is we did set up some good boundaries around that and have good conversations about that.

You talked earlier about balance between rules and relationships around social media

And I think it would be helpful to talk about you know, those boundaries that we had and now you're, you know, in adulthood, you've graduated from college and to say, hey, those things did not hurt our relationship, it was okay, what is the boundary? What's your perception on that? Because I see a lot of parents today that are just really afraid because I really think if I'm, this is going to sound pretty dramatic, but I think I see a lot of kids gaslighting their parents, like basically telling them, you are going to ruin my social life. Like I will be depressed, like this is going to be the end of the earth. And they think, oh my Goodness, I'm scared to do that. So you talked earlier about balance. You know, we have to have balance between rules and relationships. What do you look back now and see is that perspective in, in your own journey?

>> Shelby Peck: Yeah, there's definitely something to be said there because it is kind of crazy how youth groups, sports teams, all that is migrating to the online sphere. And it's kind of like if you don't have this group chat and you know, you won't know what's happening and you're gonna miss out. And that's kind of the mentality that we're given. So that's definitely something to consider. And as you're trying to talk to your kids about having social media and definitely something that I think our environment is putting a lot of pressure on us and even like those in leadership might have good intentions, but if you don't have a phone and you hear about a group chat, you're gonna feel left out. But I wasn't, I didn't have social media until I was in high school. Best decision ever. No embarrassing selfies. Posted my online footprint, I try to keep it pretty clean and pretty real to who I am. So definitely thankful that my 13 year old self did not have access to that, to that permanent impact. But I always knew that if I wanted to come to you and ask, you know, this is way back in like 2015, so. Wow. Anyways, but I knew if m. I wanted to come ask you to use your, your Facebook account just to keep up with what my friend's parents are posting. You never had anything to hide or you never told me?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: No.

>> Shelby Peck: And that was just a boundary in our relationship. We felt like it was okay. If I wanted to get my social media intake about what was happening, I could look at Facebook.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: The height, what did you call it? The height of social, what did we say? Sophistication. The height of social. Social sophistication. I know. And we, and we've shared this before too, Shelby, that, you know, I think setting those boundaries early is another thing that we did really, really well because it honestly when we did that in elementary school and middle school, it kind of settled out which friend group you ended up in because there's so much disparity even now as far as what rules people have about their technology. So I, you know, when, when I remember you having girls over to the house and some of them had any kind of social media and they were talking to people at 2 o' clock in the morning and then there's some like you who had your flip phone with stickers on it. Right. And so there's, But. But. Evening field. And say, one of the things that we did was establish those rules before they came over. Say, hey, no cell phones, no smartphones in your bedroom. That's your secret, your sake. Not secret, you're sorry. That's your sacred. That's your sacred space where you should feel safe. And so we said that. And I think, you know, at first, the, That was hard to do at first, but once you do it the first time, then it's like, okay, we know what the expectations are here. And I think kids feel safe in that. Do you think?

>> Shelby Peck: Think, yeah. And the bedroom rule, I mean, it's different for every family, but I feel like that one can just kind of be a firm boundary because as you always told us so wisely, when you're growing up, nothing good happens after midnight, Especially when you're pre. What is it? Your prefrontal cortex.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's right.

>> Shelby Peck: Isn't developed. You're not going to be doing anything good in your room. And if anything, it's just going to take away from your sleep, it's going to take away from your studying, it's going to take away from time with your family. And there's nothing you should be looking at that you can't look at. Out in the living room with my three siblings crowded around, and we're all watching the same animal videos. And it's kind of funny because now I feel like our phone usage, my siblings and I will just watch YouTube on the TV, but, you know, so still not the most productive use of our time. But we're all together, we're all laughing, and we're all able to see what everyone's watching. And I feel like that's been a really fun thing for us to do this summer.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I think that's so true. I've talked a lot about that, about these digital silos that happen in families. And I really try hard not to do that because I don't want to text somebody, you know, who's in the same room. But it is different to watch something together. I remember you and I were just talking about this the other day, the first time that we watched the Little Princess when you were, like, in elementary school, and just seeing the emotions of that, but taking that emotional journey together. It was a bonding experience. You know, we all watched that adventure, and we were. We were hopeful. And then we were sad. And then we were really sad. Yes, really, really sad. But then really, really happy. And when you see everybody in digital silos streaming their own. Own, you know, content, then I think that that's really. That can be really isolating. And then that's where the transparency starts to decrease because you don't really know what is everybody watching. And. And then sometimes I see this kind of slide because you kind of think, okay, well, would I watch this with everybody else? probably not. But, you start to watch it by yourself. I feel like that can be a boundary, too. Just for accountability and transparency. When you kind of look at each other as you're watching something and, you know, like, you were Talking about those 80s movies, where is this edifying? Is this praiseworthy? Is this noble? We should turn this off, shouldn't we? Don't you think that's good?

>> Shelby Peck: Oh, yeah. And something that I think is interesting is. So when I was in middle school and phone and social media were getting bigger, school came home, and I remember, like, mom and dad always had access to our phones. They always were able to read our text. And sometimes whenever I was in the girl drama of being 14, you would text a friend something that, in the impulse of the moment, something that you would not say to their face. And so that was definitely a learning curve and hard. Whenever your peers, the ones who you care so much about what they think, get to come home and get to talk to you 24 7, if they have access to your room, they can text you at any point and really mess with your developmental psyche.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a really good point. And it's just about being impulsive. I think really good kids can make really poor choices. And when we put the speed of a smartphone and the amplification of that. Of that platform, because, I mean, when I was growing up, Shelby, that was so different. Because if we said something, then basically it was going to be, well, she said this. And did I really say it? Did I not? You know, and you kind of hear that, and it's really just gossip. But having your actual words and having your, you know, have. Having your. A screenshot, a video, a photo, something like that, that can be really, That. That's hard. That's really hard. And that's where I feel like we could come in. By reading, by providing some guardrails. It wasn't about policing. It was about guardrails and safety there. Just making sure, hey, would you say that to their face? That's really important. And listen, if you want to help kids going back to school this year, you can do that through our Truth for Youth campaign, where we're giving Bibles. You can order Bibles to give away way to kids who need them. And kids need the truth of God's word and all of these things that are changing so often and cultural chaos. Kids need the stability, that firm foundation. Go to T F Y. That's Truth for Youth. T F Y.org if you want to participate. When we come back, Shelby and I will talk about some practical strategies for some rhythms and routines that you can have in your home. Again, all about choosing faith over fear, prioritizing relationship building as we begin this new school year. We'll see you after the break. And my father, your great grandfather, fought in World War II. Really? He was a gunner on the big ship out in the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Your great grandmother did her part. Was she on a ship? Oh, no, she stayed back home. She and a lot of her friends worked really hard in a factory because the men had gone off to war and they held scrap metal drives to help in the war effort. The folks back home were heroes, too.

>> Jeff Chamblee: Here at the American Family association, we consider you the heroes back home as you fulfill your responsibility of caring for your family day to day. Your partnership with us is crucial as we fight the enemies of freedom in America. Thank you for your commitment to the American Family Association. Grandpa, what's a scrap metal drive? Let's get some cookies and I'll tell you all about it.

>> Oh Death by MercyMe: You said my fate was sealed? You said my days were numbered? Case closed with no appeal? My future six feet under? Messing with my head in ghost fashion? My heart was holding its breath? terrified of taking my last one? Oh, death, you scared me to death? Whoa, you ain't my king? Oh, where did your sting go? Oh Death I will not be afraid? In the end you will lose? I would dance on your grave with the one who buried you? You ain't nothing but a stone? that my savior rolled away? Set you straight and set me free? Oh, death you are dead to me?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Oh death. Mercy me and. And what a great message for us today as we're talking about choosing faith over fear. As we start this school year, there's so many things that kids are afraid of that parents are afraid of. And today I'm inviting you to a special mother daughter conversation. I'm here with my oldest daughter, Shelby, and who has just graduated from college, is about to go to grad school, and we're just talking about all of the things that we've worked through in that going back to school and how we can help understand each other's. Perspectives so that, we can help our kids to not be afraid, and they can help us to not be afraid, too. So, Shelby, before the break, we were just talking about social media and smartphones, and one of the things we were talking about during the break is other forms of media. And now this is something that really hasn't changed since I've grown up, because I remember. I'll tell a little quick story, because when I was with my church group, I was in the sixth grade, and some older girls had invited me to go out to a movie with them after a church event. And I desperately wanted to go because, you know, being invited to be with the older girls, girls, it was so exciting. We were actually going to see Home Alone, which was in the theaters. I'm dating myself here. You can figure that out. And, when we got in the car, they thought it was so funny because they viewed me as so innocent. They told me we were not, in fact, going to see Home Alone. We were going to see another movie that I knew my parents would not approve of. Now, one of the things that was different was I didn't have a cell phone. I didn't have a way to contact them, and I tried to sneak out during the movie and call them on the payphone. because what you is. I'm sure this is going to sound foreign to you, but you would pretend to make a collect call, and then you would call. Okay. Okay. So. So when you have a payphone and you don't have a quarter, you would call the operator and say, I want to make a collect call. The operator would then call your house and say, jessica is calling collect. Do you accept the charges? But here's the thing. You would say no. And then you would call back that phone number so you didn't have to pay for it. That's how it was. Or you would pay for it, you know, and say. And then they. You would be charged for that call because there was just no way to make a. So I tried to do that. My. They weren't home. And I. But I see today even that this is. This is even worse because of streaming. And there's always going to be media, whether it's music, whether it's movies, whether it's TV shows, whether it's Internet reels, whatever it is that are going to pull you towards things that are not edifying, that are not praiseworthy, that are not all of those things that scripture encourages us to do. what. What do you see as this? What's been Your experience with this, and what advice do you have for parents who don't want to be the media police, but at the same time want to help guide their kids to what they might see?

>> Shelby Peck: I feel like books are actually making a resurgence. My high school wage brother was telling me a story about how this girl in his class had brought a book to school that was not the most edifying, and the teacher was wondering what it was and picked it up and started reading it out loud to the class.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's awkward.

>> Shelby Peck: Yep, very awkward. Very, very not good. but today we have so many great resources like Plugged in or Common Sense Media that help parents kind of choose the movies and TV shows their kids are watching. But books are so much harder to review. And especially today, a lot of books look really cute and they have like a cartoon summary cover, but inside, not the best. At least that's what I've been seeing a lot with my generation and younger generations is booktok. And, and people want books that are more edgy and can actually have far worse content than video.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Let me, let, let me give some instruction there. Because you, you didn't say book talk, you said book.

>> Shelby Peck: Oh, yes, book talk. Book plus TikTok.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, explain that.

>> Shelby Peck: Is this, this trend? I don't even know. I'm not on TikTok anymore. I got scared whenever the whole banning thing. And me, rule follower. I'm the oldest child. I just stick to Instagram. but booktok is basically like girls or men just recommending books, with different tropes, like different romance tropes. There's, you know, sunshine and friends to, romantic interest. There's all these different types of trope. It's like a huge community that I think parents aren't as aware of, maybe because they're like, oh, my kid's reading. I'm so proud of them. They actually are holding a book. But again, it's harder to regulate that content because there's not as many reviews often and a lot of times, again, I've picked up several of these books because cover looks fun and intriguing, and then the content is not age appropriate. And you can bring them to school on your backpack. It's not a phone. If you're reading a book, you're reading at school.

Shelby: I think being proactive is better than reactive

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: So I think you're really wise in giving that, and elevating our attention to that, because I think too, that some, when you're watching media, when you're watching a scene, it's easier to say, okay, I shouldn't be watching this. But Reading books somehow, I think, think is. Is a little easier to justify in your mind. But I was talking to an author who writes historical fiction, and she told me something that really made me think about it. She said she thinks that in that way, that books can be even more impactful for good or for not good, because your brain is having to make that picture up on itself. And the way that your brain works to create that picture is more powerful and making an impression than just seeing, an image that is already presented to you. So I think that's really important. I see a lot of par. Just like you said, oh, great, you're reading a book. But it's so important. Whatever the media is, whether it is books, whether it is a, social media platform, whether it's a movie, whether if it's a TV show, if your kids are watching it, you really need to be watching it, too. That way you can guide them through and have some questions. And I know that, we've talked about this before, too, Shelby, but one of the series that I recommend, especially for those tween and early teenage girl years is the Christy Miller series by Robin Jones Gunn. And you and I, we would read those out loud. I would read those out lo to you when y', all, when you and your sister were younger. And we could talk through some of those things. And it made it less awkward than just coming to you with a lecture saying, okay, now I'm going to tell you what you need to do to resist, peer pressure. Okay, but if we read a story about Christy and peer pressure, we could say it was easier because it kind of separated that a little bit, and we could talk through that. Hypothetically. Did you. Did you feel that?

>> Shelby Peck: Yeah. I definitely think with almost anything, it's better to be proactive than reactive. And instead of catching your kid and shaming them and making them feel bad for watching something they shouldn't be, obviously there's times where you should know. But I think being more proactive and already having things ready to suggest for them or saying, hey, I heard of this TV series. I think you might really like it. And just setting them up for success in that way and filling their time with things that are edifying and that are glorifying to God and personalized to their interest, I think that's a lot more helpful than just reacting when they get in a sticky situation.

Your generation is known as the anxious generation

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, switching gears a little bit, because something I want to talk about before we run out of time is the. The thought of fear just straight up Fear and being afraid of things in the world, being afraid of really bad things that can happen. And I see that happening more and more in your generation. Just being afraid of just, you know, our. Our worst fears coming true. What do as that? Because this is, you know, your generation is known as the anxious generation. And. And there's a mental health crisis and all of these things. How do you see fear playing into that mental health? And do you see any. Any trends that are giving you hope?

>> Shelby Peck: Fear is so real. I personally just. In my own life, I've struggled a lot with anxiety and in high school, had a really hard time with it because I. It was again, right when this was all kind of coming up, so I didn't know exactly what it was. I just knew I wasn't feeling good and that I wasn't having trouble focusing at school, and my stomach hurt. And this all happened right after a classmate of mine had a medical emergency in our class and a bunch of other factors in my personal life and all these types of things, but it's hard to pinpoint. And then all of a sudden, one day, as I'm working through these things with someone I trust, it makes sense. And you realize that kids have a lot to be afraid of. And it's hard. It's honestly hard to be you as parents. I'm sure you guys worry for us and your kids as they go off school because it is really hard to see where the world is. And a lot of the really sad, horrific things that are happening. I just. I remember some of those things happening when I was early in high school and happening down the street from us, and the real fear that comes when your peers go through situations like that. But I think it's so important as parents to equip your kids that we are more than conquerors through him who has loved us, and that his purpose for us will prevail. He is faithful. And even though there are things in this trouble, in this world that are hard and troubling to our souls, honestly, that we know the one who holds tomorrow, and we can trust him, even with our backpacks and going to school and anywhere you go, you know, schools aren't the only dangerous place, whether it's relationally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, you're going to find that anywhere, because that's just our world. But we do serve a God who holds us and who knows our tomorrow. And so as your kids are getting ready to go to school, just encourage them that you believe in them, that you're cheering for them, that they can come to you with anything and that you're going to be there waiting for them when they get home. Maybe with an after school snack, you know, or a little trip to Sonic, get a fun drink.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, that I, I'm telling you, snacks open up a world of conversation. Just having a fun snack that can really change their day and change their, their attitude. And I feel like a lot of times, you know, when I would pick you up from school, when kids get in the car, sometimes it can be frustrating for parents because we're so excited. We haven't seen you all day. We want to hear everything, but you have been just trying to hold it together, trying to think all the things and do all the things and meet all of those academic pressures, social pressures, all of spiritual pressures that you may feel. And then when you get in the car, it's just like this big exhale. Like I'm in my safe space. And I feel like kids just need a minute to decompress before they download everything. And so just having that space, maybe a fun snack or just no pressure, just kind of having it. Hey, I'm just glad to see you. I'm happy to be here. And, you know, we can talk about it. And, and for us, that was usually, you know, before bedtime, which was a great time to have conversation because you'd had a little time to decompress, and I think that was helpful.

What do you think are the most important things for families to build faith

Well, Shelby, what do you think are the most important things for families to build their faith? Because you just so beautifully articulated. I think as a family, we know the areas in which we are broken, the areas in which we are strugg, the areas in which, you know, we are just, you know, made and that we have human tendencies. And I think the one thing that, that really we have clung together as a family, though, is to say that, hey, we trust God to fill in the gaps and all of those broken places. What do you think are the most important faith disciplines for families to have?

>> Shelby Peck: You know, every night after school isn't going to be perfect. And there we went to a private school growing up. So some of our assignments were to memorize script scripture. And I think that was the homework assignment with the most tears. It wasn't even like math or physics. It was like, I can't memorize this whole chapter. And you put it off to the last night. So every night's not going to look perfect. But I think if you can create a routine where homework is something that's a, gift to learn together and where my parents felt Invested in me and in what I was learning. And not only just doing homework, but we learned together about the word of God. And we do different devotional books together or, we read a book or we pray together before bed. Like just all those types of things that center our day back to the Lord. And in the morning, driving to school, listening to worship music, or praying before we go to school, the whole day is gonna be busy and crazy because that's just the culture we live in, which is. Could be a whole nother podcast episode. But, I think just centering it in the morning and the evening, just remembering God's word and his faithfulness and being intentional to teach that to your children. Children more than any other thing they're learning at school. Super important.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I think you're absolutely right. And it doesn't have to look the same. And some nights, some mornings were better than others. There would be some nights where we'd have this unexpected breakthrough and we'd have this big long conversation. And some nights where it was just like, okay, let me say a 30 second prayer. Thank you God for getting us through the day and let's start again tomorrow. But having those rhythms, I think is really important.

Shelby says having church community helped ease back to school fears

And another rhythm that we have that we really, I think did very well as a family was having that church community, having those people who walked alongside us on, on Sundays and just being involved in, in that community. How did that impact your feelings of fear, do you think?

>> Shelby Peck: It was good to know I had people who supported me and people who I could support too. Just a community that bears when each other one another's burdens to fulfill. The law of Christ was really helpful and taught me about service and relationship because a lot of my church friends didn't go to my school. So it was kind of like a good encouragement on Sunday to get prepared for the rest of the week and feel like, okay, I can do this. I have people here supporting me and I have the joy of the Lord as my strength. And then being able to go back and share and get accountability and just have a place where I could have fun and I felt safe and just be completely myself.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I love that. I mean, really, when we talk about. On this show, since January, we've been talking about 52 habits for healthy families. These are really things that I have found that have worked so well in our family. They're research backed, but they're also scripture supported. And number one, the first week we talked about the power of prayer and I think praying for your kids, praying with your kids. And that's been. That was a real game changer for me and my parenting because I think, you know, in your early years, I just tried to have so much control, and I just wanted to be the best mom. And, so I was trying to figure out, oh, what's the best way for communication and the best way, you know, what are all of the life hacks that I need to be the best mom. But I think I just really needed to pray for you and pray with you and ask you to pray for me, too. Just say, here's where I'm struggling. Here's where that weakness is. And I think some of the sweetest times that we've had are in prayer. And if you want to pray for other kids who are going back to school and equip them with the truth of God's word, we encourage you to participate in our Truth for Youth campaign. You can go to t f y, that's truth for youth.org and you can get a Bible to give to someone who's going back to school. Shelby, thank you for joining us. Always a joy. Always a joy. And wherever you are in the back to school journey, I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. I'll see you right back here tomorrow for Ask Doctor Nurse Mama Friday.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.