Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing Hope for Healthy Families on American Family Radio

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse. Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. Here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And Happy Monday, everybody. How's your Monday going? I don't know about you, but my Monday is going pretty crazy. You know, I look back at those times when I was a young mom and I felt like the days were so long, but the years were so short. And at that time when I was a new mom, I would just want for my husband to come home at 5 o'.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Clock.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I would watch the clock and think, okay, at 5:00, I can hand this baby off for a little bit. I might be able to take a shower or get a bite to eat or something like that. And I thought that those years were tough. But let me tell you, parenting young adults is definitely challenging. And what I've learned and what I'm learning as a mom m is that it is a labor of love for the rest of your life. But there are definitely different stages where you need different kinds of support. And today we are talking about new moms. Now, you either have been a new mom, you are a new mom, or, you know, a new mom. And we're our prescription for hope today is supporting physical, spiritual and emotional recovery for new moms. Now, it seems like it doesn't matter how much times change. The emotions that we have as new moms are kind of a universal language. And I found it so encouraging to talk to women who had had babies before and would tell me, it's going to be okay, this is going to be okay. But there's a certain kind of pressure and stress that comes with that. Because I think especially now, in a day of social media where you feel like everything has to be perfect, but this is what you've wanted, this is so great. And so you kind of feel like you can't really talk about those struggles because then what? Are you not happy as a new mom? All of those things. So we're going to talk to you today as families. How do we support new moms for physical, spiritual and emotional recovery? The truth is, a new baby changes everything. But here's something that you may not know. Did you know about something called the fourth trimester? Well, that's just as important as the pregnancy itself. It's a time after the baby's born when a mom's body, mind, and spirit are healing, but she needs all of her people. She needs her family, her friends, her faith community close by. So today I'm really excited to be talking with a fellow nurse, a postpartum nurse, Rachel Taylor, and she's going to share how can you be part of that circle of care and how your role could make a difference. Now, she has written a book called After Baby Comes Physical, Spiritual, and Emotional Recovery for Postpartum Moms. I think this is a great, great resource to give to a new mom. So if you are going to a baby shower, if you have a baby gift, give the cute onesie, give all of. Give the diaper Genie or whatever it is that they're asking. But go ahead and stick a copy of this book in there, too, because Rachel, as a nurse, speaks very specifically moms about what happens to them physically, but also spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. And answer some of those questions that honestly. For me, as a nurse, I find that a lot of moms are afraid to ask. And so if you are a new mom, if you know a new mom, I would really encourage you to get a copy of that resource. But today we're really going to talk more to those family support systems and how can we be the best village that we can when new life is brought into the world?

Rachel is on a platform of encouraging moms as spiritually as well as physically

So with all that being said, Rachel, my fellow nurse, welcome. I'm so glad to have you here.

>> Rachel Taylor: Oh, thank you so much. I'm excited to be here.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Rachel, it's always exciting to me to talk to a nurse who also really stands so firmly on her faith and looks at the spiritual aspect of our health. And you speak so, so candidly about that. I would love to just hear a little bit more about your story and how you came through your journey of nursing to be on a platform of encouraging moms as spiritually as well as physically.

>> Rachel Taylor: Yeah, well, just myself, you know, with my first baby, it ended up being so much harder than I anticipated it to be, because I was a nurse. I was a postpartum nurse, and I thought, oh, this is. This is going to be easy. Like, I'm going to be able to recover. Well, I know what to expect all the things. And I got into it, and it. It really kicked my behind. And I was just like, my goodness, if I'm struggling this much, like, how are other mothers doing this? And I realized I really didn't know a whole lot and was not able to teach my patients a whole lot because of that. And so I just set out on this journey of it's time that we create some good trusted resources that hit physical, emotional and spiritual help for these moms because they, they really, many, many moms struggle so much during this time and they don particularly know how to ask for help. And then the people around them don't really know how to help them either. So I'm hoping to change that.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I hope that you change that too. Rachel, this is, Our listeners will quickly see one of the reasons I wanted to talk with you. I mean, my oldest now is graduated from college, but I remember her being born like it was yesterday. And much like you, I was a nurse, a pediatric nurse. So I thought, oh, well, yeah, I'm set up for success here. And it was anything but. I was so overly anxious. And I know that I passed those feelings of anxiety along to my daughter and I feel like she had really bad colic. And there was a, there was one specific time she cried all the time. And I had so much shame about it because I thought I should know. And you shared this in your book, a very similar story where your husband came home, your baby was crying. I had the same thing where I just found the courage to go out to a family gathering and my baby was crying and crying, crying. And I remember a relative who was very well meaning, who came up and said, well, what's wrong? You're her mom, you should know. And I thought, I don't know. So clearly I'm failing as a mom.

You describe the fourth trimester after childbirth as a shaking and awakening

But I think that, you know, having a baby, obviously God's greatest gift, greatest blessing, such a wonderful time, but it also can be really, really hard. And you've described this fourth trimester, this time of after having baby, as a shaking And an awakening. Can we talk really honestly about how it can be really difficult too?

>> Rachel Taylor: Yes. You know, it's such a challenge. And of course it is the challenge that changes us, right? Like, it helps us be shaped into becoming this mom and all the things that motherhood requires. But it very much is a shaking and just, you know, just a bit from a scientific perspective, like we know that a woman's brain literally changes during pregnancy and childbirth, like pathway shift, chemical shift. You know, all these things are actually happening in us. And so it takes time for all those things to level out. So it's not just a, you know, oh, why am I struggling? Or why is this hard? Or this feels different, like I don't feel like myself. Like all of those things are very valid because they're actually true. Like these things are really shifting inside of you and, and I call it a shaking and awakening because it does really feel like that shaking. You know, you kind of feel like you're not standing on super firm ground at times. You know, your baby's crying, like you said, and you're like, what do I do? I feel like I should know what to do, but I don't. So does that mean I'm failing or I'm not a good mom? And it doesn't, of course, it doesn't mean those things. But the awakening part, I think really comes in because we have this opportunity during this time. It's like, okay, here we are, we're in this struggle. All these things are coming to the surface, all these beliefs of, am I failing or, you know, I'm not good enough. Like, these things that maybe we already struggled with, you know, but now they are very much wide open for us to look at. It's like we just have this opportunity to go, what are we going to do about this? How are we going to build in a healthy way moving forward?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I think that's so encouraging.

One of the things you encourage families to do in your book is to make a mission statement

And one of the things you encourage families to do in your book is to make a growing family mission statement. And I think sometimes, you know, when you are just, just in the everyday thick of things, you're in the middle of the diaper changes and the midnight feedings and all of those kinds of things, it can be easy to lose sight of what, what you're trying to do as a family. So can you talk a little bit about what you see as a growing family mission statement?

>> Rachel Taylor: Yes. So we just got really down to the basics with this. You know, this idea comes from the, seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. And it was just so revolutionary to our family because it's so easy to get caught up in the everyday life, especially during that time frame. You know, we're like you said, diaper changes and we're sleep deprived. And it's so easy to just kind of start this, like, resentment, bickering, you know, separation, distance kind of thing among us in the family. Because again, so many things are happening within us at the time, but just coming together and go, okay, what, what are our goals? You know, what are our goals for this time? For us, it's something really simple is, you know, choose connection, say no to fear kind of a thing. And it's like in those moments when I could feel my m. Temperature rising, you know, when I was up again in the middle of the night and my husband's beside me snoring, you know, and I'm so tired. And it's like, okay, am I going to choose to be resentful right now, or am I going to choose connection in this moment? And it really is those little decisions along the way because we have so many opportunities, like, we can. We can get resentful if we want to, because nobody's going to do this. Perfect, right? And it's just important to, okay, what are our goals? What are. What is our mission statement? And let's be sure that we are living by this.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's powerful. I mean, that's just such a short statement. Choose connection. Say no to fear. But how powerful is it if you're saying that to yourself, just like you said when you're waking up in the middle of the night? I loved it. As a side note, Rachel, I loved it when my kids started saying dad, dad before they say mama. Now, I didn't share that. You know, that's because it's just an easier consonant to say. But I remember telling my husband one night, oh, honey, they want you. I mean, I would go, but really, they're calling you. And so that would be there. But, you know, I think in that.

There is so much negativity being spoken over new moms today

In that, we have women having babies today. And one of the things that I see talking about, you know, when you're have the temptation to be resentful or to be fearful, One of the things that I see today, Rachel, that's real, that really bothers me, is so much negativity being spoken over new moms. And this is what I mean by that. You know, when women are having babies, I see people in the grocery store literally saying things to pregnant women like, oh, I'm so glad I'm not raising kids in today's day and age. Oh, I'm so glad I'm not bringing kids into a world like this. Oh, that, you know, and just speaking these kind of negative feelings about having kids, do you see this happening and how do you see this playing into that postpartum journey or anxiety or expectations about what that fourth trimester, those first days are going to look like?

>> Rachel Taylor: Oh, yes, definitely. And, you know, you had mentioned social media. Like, that's a. That's a huge thing right now, is that. And there's this whole group, too, on social media that really shares the. The negative aspects of motherhood. And we have to be careful and guard ourselves against that kind of thing, because it's not that we can't say and admit this can be really hard. Like, it's important to be honest about that. But when we dwell on, well, these are the negative aspects. We don't get to do this or we don't get to do that. It's so easy for resentment to begin to build in us. And I've had moms come to me and go, I realize that spending time watching these things, I'm resenting my children, you know, and it's like, man, it's so important. We've got to be able to guard what's, what's in front of our eyes, what we're looking at on a day to day basis. Because it can, it can either feed that resentment, you know, feed the fear and the anxiety and all that, or it can feed peace and love and the greatness that is motherhood. But you know, people are so quick to share their opinions, like you said just in the grocery store. And I remember even in pregnancy, the really hard. Because people would come up to me and be like, let me tell you what went wrong in my birth, you know, and it's like, yes, well, I'm about to give birth. Like, why in the world would you walk up to me and just tell me that? You know? But the more I even did research for this book, I realized too that a lot of women that dealt with things themselves, they actually find like a healing and a solace in just, just repeating their story. So they're doing it in a way that isn't super helpful, you know, but I think in just them repeating their own story is actually helping them process themselves. So I try to keep that perspective too. Like when that happens to friends or women that I'm taking care of and they come to me and they're like, this was said to me today. I'm just like, oh, I'm so sorry. You know, here, here's what's probably happening on their end and that that helps, helps a little bit. But yes, goodness, the words that get spoken, for sure.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, we'll talk much more about that, about words that can be helpful to new moms and ways that communities can engage. We'll talk about Rachel's concept of the team, the weekenders and the community when we come back. And more about mom guilt and comparison syndrome, really giving you insight into the world of a new mother and how, how we can best support her physically, spiritually and emotionally for recovery.

Preborn has helped save 38,000 babies this year

We'll be back with Rachel Taylor in just a minute. I want you to picture this. Her name is Kayla. She is 17, alone, terrified and pregnant, sitting in a clinic, tears blurring, thinking abortion is her only option until she was Offered a free ultrasound paid for by a hero just like you. The moment Kayla heard her baby's heartbeat, the decision was made. And today, her little baby boy Gabrielle is thriving. Because preborn walked with Kayla every step of the way. Now multiply that by 38,000. That's how many babies preborn has helped save just this year. How many mothers preborn has come alongside with practical and spiritual resources to make motherhood possible. But here's the most important thing you will hear today. Their goal is to save 70,000 by the end of the year. And they can't do it without us. Every $28 provides that ultrasound. The moment everything changes, will you be the reason the next Kayla chooses life? The reason Gabrielle fulfills his destiny. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby. Or donate securely@preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR. Your Way's Better by Forrest Frank oh Lord, I need you now more than ever. Would you put my heart back together? I searched the world 'til my head hurt just to find out your way's better. Oh, you're way's better. Oh, your way's better. Oh Lord, your way's better. Jesus.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: your way's better. Welcome back friends. That is your way's better by Forrest Frank. How many of you are now singing in your head about Jesus making lemons into lemonade? That is Forest Frank's new hit. So exciting to see that as a number one song across all genres. And we are praising God for his miraculous recovery from a broken back. If you haven't read that story, ask, ask some young person about it. They will tell you. It is pretty amazing.

Rachel Taylor shares some simple ways to help new moms during postpartum

And today we're talking about the story that is written after moms have babies. And when you ask a new mom what can I do to help, she might not even know where to start. She may not feel like she can yet express that need. And that's where you can come in. And so in, in just a few minutes here, Rachel Taylor is going to continue giving you some simple, powerful ways to step in things that really lighten the load, ease recovery, bring peace into her home. That might be a really delicious meal that might be giving some baby snuggles. You might be surprised how the smallest acts of love matter the most. And I really encourage you. If you know a new mom, get this book for a baby shower. It's a great resource, a faith based Christian perspective on the postpartum period. And it's called After Baby Comes Physical, Spiritual, and Emotional Recovery for Postpartum Moms. And so Rachel has, you know, experienced nurse. You and I are both experienced nurses and we both worked in postpartum and newborn nurseries for a long time. And before the break, we were talking about just how we can come around moms who have babies because they want help, but sometimes they don't know what help they want and sometimes they think they want help and then maybe I don't want help with that. And it can be really sensitive with the family dynamics, especially the in laws and the parents and the cousins and all of that. I'll give you a quick personal story. When I had my oldest daughter, she was the first baby in a new generation and everybody was so excited, but I had a very difficult birth experience and I was definitely not wanting to receive guests. But that's all that I had is people just wanting to come by the hospital, I mean by the dozens, and thinking, okay, I just need you all to go away and give me just a moment, moment to recover. But then, you know, it feels like you're There's just all kinds of sensitive emotions that go with that. And so how do we step into that and start to really take the focus off of ourselves and think how can we really support this new mom and this new growing family?

>> Rachel Taylor: Yes. So that's such a good question because there's so many dynamics that go on, you know. And I think if you can have the conversation ahead of time too, like as the M. Mom m. As the dad, what are we comfortable with? What do we want? And communicate that to the family as well. Because most of, most of the time they want to be there for you. You know, they want to help. But we run into a good bit. They don't know how to help, you know, or they think they're being helpful, but they're missing the mark a little bit. And a lot of times we're not feeling our best, so we're not able to communicate that super well with him too. So there can just be a lot of, just, you know, a lot of m. Miscommunication, things like that. But I had a grandmother, she was a brand new grandmother and she shared this with me. I thought it was so powerful is she said, you know, my daughter in law is the type of person that I know she's not going to tell me she doesn't like something. She said I could bring her the worst casserole in the whole world and she's going to pretend that she enjoyed it. You know, she said, I just know that about her. And she said, so I'M going to give her permission to set boundaries with me. And I thought wow, that is really beautiful because it takes the load off of that daughter in law, that new mother's shoulders because you know the grandmother came to her and said hey, I, I give you permission to set boundaries with me. I want you to tell me, you know, what you want or need or what you don't want or need. And that just ah, as somebody too that has struggled in that area, you know, to really deal with conflict and set boundaries and things like that, that is just is such a beautiful helpful thing for, for somebody to take the initiative and say that.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I think when to when then when you offer respect for those boundaries, even if maybe you don't agree with them, it really helps a new mom to feel safe because they're trying to figure out their boundaries and, and their new role as parents and what say do they have and what say do they not have? And I've seen many times where parents in laws, other family members, they'll respect those boundaries and helps that new mom to feel saf. And then they're invited in more and it's a really beautiful act of service.

When you first have a baby, you have very specific people around you

And you talk about this a little bit and thinking about your team when you're going to have a baby and you divide it into the team, the weekenders and the community. Can you break that down for us?

>> Rachel Taylor: Yes, absolutely. So you know when you first have a baby, you have and and I liken it to, to like when you're getting married and you have your maid of honor and then you have your bridesmaids and you have the wedding guest and all that. Well, not everybody's going to be room with you as you're putting on your wedding dress that day. You know, you have very specific people and the same is true for when you have a baby because you know you are healing, you have all the things happening and you're trying not to be super vulnerable and all of that and just going ahead and having these people, these conversations with these people knowing you know, if okay, I'm comfortable nursing around them and things like that. Like these are the people you really one around you especially the first few days after birth. And like you had mentioned at one point too about being in the hospital and there being so many people coming in to see you and sometimes that can be a good time to like get everybody in at once, you know. But then sometimes it's like actually I need the space, you know and having that conversation and sometimes dad is really good at this, too. It takes the pressure off a mom, but for him to step in and just say something like, hey, we're so excited to see you, but we will be ready for visitors in two weeks. You know, and that's just a communication with everybody. This is the expectation, you know, and it's hard when you're on the visitor end. Like, I'm not gonna lie. It's hard to hear. You don't get to come over and see this baby for two weeks. You know, it feels like a super long time. But just knowing, too, it's. It's never personal. It's never like a personal, we don't want to see you kind of a thing. It's really just, hey, we're healing. We're trying to figure things out. We're trying to trust our own instincts. And like you said, when. When those boundaries are respected, it actually invites you into a deeper place.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: It absolutely does.

Rachel: How we can support dads in this new family as well

And, Rachel, let's talk about dads for a minute, because I think that, you know, it's so interesting, the dynamic shift. You have been there. I have been there. When a mom is expecting, everything is about her. You know, the shower is for her. Everybody's worried about how she feeling, how are things going, and then as soon as that baby is born is like, you are forgotten. Like, goodbye. It's all about the baby. And I think, you know, just as much as moms can be forgotten in this, dads can be forgotten, too. And dads do things differently. You talked a lot in your book about. I struggled with this, too, so. And again, you know, I thought, oh, I'm a pediatric nurse and just trying to watch my husband do something as simple as give the baby a bath. And thinking I could do that so much more efficiently, so much more comfortably, you know, just, please, just let me do it. But recognizing that God created babies to need moms and dads, what advice do you have in general for the dads and how. How we can support dads in this. In this new family as well?

>> Rachel Taylor: Yes, if we can get dads around other new dads and even seasoned fathers, you know, letting them know they're doing a good job. And I think churches can play a big role in that. And small groups and, you know, having support groups for these.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: These.

>> Rachel Taylor: These people that are in this season of life. But for my new dads, too, I just love to encourage them to get in there, you know, be intentional, give her support, even if she doesn't ask you for it. Because a lot of times we don't know, to ask. We don't even know what we need. We just know we need something, you know, and new dads do have a tendency to kind of back away. And not with ill intention or anything like that, but they see mom doing it, and they just kind of get this thought of, well, she does it better. I just need to let her do it, you know, and so they'll kind of move back. And I think us moms, too, have to be careful that we don't overstep. And here I'll just change the baby's diaper, you know, because it's faster and they're not screaming and all that kind of stuff, but letting dad practice being a dad, and. And we know, you know, that bond happens when they spend time together. We know that dads are causing things to develop in babies that moms aren't doing, you know, we can't do. Like you said, we were designed differently for different reasons. And. But I just love to encourage my dads. Like, even if it feels like you're kind of fumbling around or you're not really sure what you're doing, or she even does it better, just. Just jump in there. Just, hey, I've got the diaper change this time. You know, hey, I'm gonna go get you the burp cloth, and I'm gonna burp the baby. You know, whatever it may be. Is you just so encouraging to. To see them doing that?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: It absolutely is.

Some moms do struggle with postpartum depression or baby blues

And I think one thing that's hard for dads is that some moms do struggle with postpartum depression or are baby blues. And there's a difference between postpartum blues and postpartum depression. And that can be really hard for dads, first of all, to recognize it and to speak into that, because sometimes it, many times, you know, we see women who are so overwhelmed by all of the changes that they're having that they're having. They. They don't even recognize that, oh, maybe I'm having some post. Some postpartum baby blues or some postpartum depression. And then dads, what I see is that they feel helpless, and they want to step in and do what dads do, what men and husbands do, what fathers do to fix it. And it's not something that can be fixed easily. And I've. I've heard from several dads who say, how can I help? What should I do in that situation? So can you walk us through, Rachel? What would be the signs? Postpartum blues, baby blues versus depression. And how should dads step into that to be supportive during that journey. Yeah.

>> Rachel Taylor: so baby blues usually happen the first three weeks after delivery. That's when we see that. And really, that's, that's not a disorder. It's just a transitional time. You know, it's temporary. It's mom's had a baby, she's exhausted, hormones are up and down and all over the place, and things are just leveling, leveling out. It's like a three week level out kind of a period. After that, though, if it continues past that, we. We may be looking at postpartum depression or other disorders. And that's when it either lingers or it gets a lot worse. So excessive just worrying or intrusive thoughts is a big one. Like intrusive thoughts that feel traumatizing. So let's say, for instance, she is having these thoughts that she's going to drop the baby down the stairs. Well, that's very unrealistic. You know, mom's arms is on the safest place for babies to be. But it's not uncommon to have that kind of a thought. So it would be like, if she can't shake this thought is keeping her up at night, she feels traumatized by it. Then we're looking at, okay, we probably need some intervention, some help, that sort of a thing. And honestly, dads tend to recognize this before moms even do. Like, you know, we're kind of can't see the forest for the trees type of a thing. And dads will notice, you know, she's not acting right. They may even ask, like, are you doing okay? Like, do you need something? And she responds with, well, yeah, I'm fine, you know, but she's not, she's not fine. So you can't totally just go on what she says during this time because a lot of times we just don't identify ourselves. And so I've taken care of patients before where it was actually the husband that stepped in and said, hey, we're going to call the doctor today and let's just, let's just check and make sure that everything's okay, you know, and even if she objected to that, he has permission. He gets to call too. And he would just ask, you know, this is what's going on. Is this common? Do we need to do something? And so in those ways, I think it's really important for dads to know. Like, you can step in in that way. You can call and get just some extra advice and help. And then to know, and this is a big one, Jessica, to know that Just because she, he's struggling doesn't mean that you, as a dad, as a husband, are failing or doing something wrong. That is huge. Because oftentimes dads will, you know, they'll, the wife will be struggling, she'll be dealing with anxiety, and they'll say something like, well, it's no big deal, like, you don't need to get treated for this. You don't need to call the doctor. And when, when I, probe a little bit deeper, it's actually this thing inside of them that's like, well, if she's struggling, then I must be failing at this. And that just is not true in any way. It is not a reflection of these dads, these husbands, that you're, you're not doing a good job. If she's struggling, there's so much under the surface going on. So I think it's really important that they know that. No, it's not a reflection of, you know, that you can step in if you need to step in, you know, call her ob, her midwife, her healthcare provider, ask questions. And again, it's a struggle because dads will feel powerless, you know, and it puts them prone to dealing with depression as well. Blues as well, because it is a tough season. It's temporary, but it's a tough season where it's like, I don't know how to fix this. You know, how long is this going to last? But it is temporary. I think that's important to know.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I think as other supportive people, as friends, as family, as grandparents, aunts, uncles, all gather around, everybody's so anxious to give advice and everybody wants to, to speak into, what does that look like and what should you say? And sometimes it can be really helpful just to give encouragement. And in your book, you talked about this little cartoon, called Bluey, which actually is, ah, a really adorable little cartoon, about a family, a mom, a dad, ah, two little children. And you talked about one of the lines from this cartoon, which sounds so silly, but you said that the mom looks at the daughter and says, hey, hey, there's something you need to know. You're doing great. I thought that was such a powerful way. And so many times when we want to offer advice, I think if we just asked ourselves, are we providing encouragement? Because I would love, I'm telling you, Rachel, I would pay somebody to stand in the corner of my house just for every 10 or 15 minutes or so when I'm in the thick of motherhood just to say, hey, you need to know something. You're doing great. Like, because your kids don't usually say that, you know, your spouse, you don't. You usually say that. And I think just pausing to give each other affirmation and then looking at biblical affirmations of that, just say, hey, you know what? You're doing great. Hey, even if you don't feel like it, you're doing great in changing those diapers, you're doing great in those midnight feedings. You are doing great. And giving all of those baby snuggles. Anything that you see, you're doing great. I think that is really encouraging you also to talked about a truth about measuring your own worth by another's opinion. And we'll talk about that when we come back. I also want to talk to you, Rachel. There's so many things I want to talk to you about, but we'll also talk about siblings and how do we prepare siblings, especially after a new baby comes in. When we're talking about the whole family, this is a way that grandparents can really help. So more with Rachel Taylor when we come back. More about her book after Baby comes. See you on the other side of this break.

The early church fathers viewed the scriptures as divinely inspired

Here's Dr. Carl Trueman from the American Family Studios documentary the God who Speaks.

>> Dr. Carl Trueman: The early church fathers viewed the scriptures as divinely inspired. Often they would use the image of, of, a musical instrument, as if scripture had been written in the way that, say, notes come out of a flute when it's played by a flute player, as if the writer was the flute and the spirit was that which was creating the tune. Certainly they regarded scripture as authoritative. When you look at the writings of the Apostolic Fathers, they're very happy to quote scripture and consider that to have closed down the argument. So obviously, the Apostolic Fathers rooted tremendous authority in the actual words, of scripture itself, which implies they had a very high view of its inspiration. Visit thegodwhospeaks.org Thank You by Highlands Worship thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord. Every hour, every moment, I will sing. Thank you. Welcome back, friends. That is thank you by Highlands Worship. And you know, today I am thankful for all of the families who are bringing new life life into the world. Having a baby is one of the most miraculous things that I've ever seen happen on the face of this planet. And we know that there are many people who are longing for a baby. And I just want to say here and now, if your journey is one of pregnancy loss or infertility, I would really encourage you to listen to the weekend show Hannah's Heart that is produced Here by American Family Radio. We have had the host of that show on just recently and have had them on several times before, but that would be a great community for you. But today we are talking about that time after a new baby comes. And listen, let's be honest, it is a tough world to bring a baby into, but we need to support families with grace and hope and faith that God gave them this baby for such a time as this. And he who has started a good work will be faithful to complete it. And that is in their child and their parents parenting journey. And I'm really grateful today to be talking to a fellow nurse, Rachel Taylor. She is the author of a book called After Baby Comes Physical, Spiritual and Emotional Recovery for Postpartum Moms. I would encourage any grandmothers who are expecting a baby to take a read of this book just to get some perspective on, what new moms are facing today. If you're going to a baby shower, this would be a great gift to add. And we're talking about that fourth trimester, the first few months after Baby is. And it's not just about diapers and feeding and laundry. It's about creating a safe space for that mom's heart and soul. And Rachel is here to help us think beyond the baby registry, but really into that holistic spiritual support. How do we listen, how do we encourage her, how do we remind her she's not alone? And how do we surround moms with faith and love in a community that they can lean on. Some of the things she covers is how to maintain your relationship with God, dismantling, bounce back culture and so many other things. It's really like a, what to expect when you're expecting with a Christian perspective. And Rachel, before the break, we, we've been talking about grandparents, extended family dads.

You have a chapter for siblings and pets in your new book

Let's talk a little bit about siblings. You even have a chapter for siblings and pets, which are a big part of the family. And how do we prepare and help that that part of the adjustment for big brothers and sisters and even pets that we may have had. Dad.

>> Rachel Taylor: You know, it for siblings really depends on age and what's age appropriate and paying attention to, you know, how did they do around other, other babies? Have they been around other babies and kids and things like that. How did they respond? And playing pretend can be so powerful for them. But I always tell moms, like, don't be alarmed if they take a baby doll and like throw it against a wall. Like, they're not going to do that in real life. They're you know, they're learning and things, but they're. That kind of stuff can scare mamas. but just helping them kind of learn to brush hair and safe sleep, you know, why do we do safe sleep? How do we do that? And. And being present after baby's actually there and encouraging them. And it goes a long way for them to experience praise. So, like, if they do brush baby's hair, you know, for mom and dad to sit there and go, oh, he loves it, like, great job. You're such a good big brother. It just helps them take ownership of that little baby. And I found that, that can help them not feel resentful, you know, now that mom and dad are spending extra time with this little baby and then, making special time for them, too. You know, if you used to go to the park on Saturday mornings or get donuts or something like that, how can we maintain that routine? You know, where it's not so disruptive for these. These new little siblings and then pets, too, Giving them space just to adjust as they need to. Not forcing relationships, you know, again, treats. Lots of treats. If they behave, if they're gentle around the baby, you know, if your big old Labrador doesn't knock the baby over, but comes in, like, sniffs the feet very gently, lots of praise and treats and things that can just help them. Okay, this baby's a good thing, you know?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes. And you. And you're great about safety, about never leaving pets and babies alone, even if, you know, the pet has never had an issue before. I know I've seen some really scary circumstances happening that. And I'm appreciative of all of the guidance that you give in the book. So I encourage people to get a copy of that. And, you know, just looking at siblings, some of the things that I did and some of these things were similar to what you recommended. Rachel. Were giving having my. My kids get a gift. When I had four kids, so my three, younger ones got a gift. They. They all got, a gift from the new baby that was born. And they still remember that. They still talk about that. And it made it something exciting. But things that I found really helpful for, like, for feeding time. That's when I was going to have toddlers who were going to make mischief because they wanted attention. So I had a special box of toys that was just for feeding time. Oh, it's time for feeding time. So it wasn't something that they resented, but something they looked forward to and even, you know, having. There were some older sibling classes taught by nurses that taught them how to swaddle and cuddle safely. And all of those kinds of things, I think are really powerful.

Rachel writes about a friend coming over to your house after you had baby

And this is where grandparents can really come in handy because you shared story, Rachel, in your book about a friend coming over to your house after you had had a baby and it did not go as you expected. I want to, I want to pause right there and let you tell the story about how your friend was well intentioned but maybe not so kind. And then I'll, I'll say how I think that relates to grandparents and siblings.

>> Rachel Taylor: Yes. So she just had some misguided expectations of what it was going to be like when she came over. You know, my house was always one where you could talk about anything and we'd sit over coffee and, you know, it was just a heart to heart kind of a thing. But now I was a new mom and I was also pregnant at that time and very sick and could not stand the smell of coffee. So I definitely wasn't doing that. And, you know, she. She came over and it surprised her and she decided to let me have it because she thought it would help me, you know, to see the error of my ways. But what it did was actually destroy me, just cut me into pieces. Because, I mean, most of us know where we're feeling inadequate or we know that the bathtub needs to be scrubbed or the rug needs to be vacuumed, you know, we can see all those things. And so to have somebody come over and point that stuff out, you know, can. Can really hurt. Whereas I would recommend, like, like if you're a friend or a grandparent or something like that, and you see things that need to be done, just jumping in there and doing them, you know, oh, can I vacuum your rug for you? You know what would be helpful for you? do you want me to do your dishes? You know, something like that is just a totally different feel. It's like a sigh of relief instead of an anxious, like, what are they going to notice? What have I not done perfectly? You know, how do I need to perform here? We just, we don't want to set it up where this person that we love and we're coming to visit and see feels like they have to perform or be perfect. You know, we want, we want to do the opposite where they feel comfortable and, like, they can be themselves and real.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I want to read to you a quote, read to our listeners a quote from your book. When you talked about that, I thought it was so wise and so, so brave of you to share that experience, because that is what happens. And you said this. You said, here's the truth, though. It's never wise to measure your own worth by another's opinion. And here's another truth. Someone else's reaction to your mess says more about what's happening in their heart than it does in yours. And here it is inserting my. I don't know if anyone's seen the show Everybody Loves Raymond, but I'm feeling like this is Marie Barone walking in, you know, and giving these, kind of commentary. But you said. Said this then you said, I no longer had the capacity for what was once normal in my home. I thought this was such a brilliant statement, Rachel, because I think that's what women think, when they have babies and if they've got. So this goes back to siblings. So they're thinking, okay, when I used to be fully engaged in playtime on the floor or have more time for the older siblings, I don't have the capacity for that because now I have a baby that I'm trying to feed and take care of. And I feel like this is where in laws where relatives, friends can really come in and think, okay, where is that capacity? What do you no longer have the capacity to do? You can't go to the park now because, you know, of whatever reason. So, hey, I can take your older sibling, you know, the older sibling to the park, still provide them with a little bit of that norm, but recognize that it's okay that you don't have the capacity to do that in this moment. I just feel like, like that was a really, just profound statement, just realizing that you don't have the capacity for that. Maybe you will one day in the future, or maybe it'll be a new normal.

What do you think the church can do better in supporting new moms

And, Rachel, one of the things I love about your book and your resources is that you just integrate faith into everything seamlessly. What do you think the church can do better, in supporting new moms?

>> Rachel Taylor: Yeah, I love this question. and I actually have a friend who, who read the book, and she said, okay, how can I incorporate this into my church? And she went to the pastors and she was like, hey, I really feel like there's room for us to support new moms better. And they were like, yes, please, let's do that. You know, how do you do that? But she created a support group that would meet just 45 minutes before church actually started. And so new moms could come, and she would pick something every week just to kind of lead the conversation. If it needed to be led. But to provide a space for them. Them to be around other moms in that season of life, to just come and be, you know, bring your baby. It's fine if they're crying. It's not a big deal. You know, we. We're all there. and they made this room for new moms, so. With rocking chairs and, like, protein bars and waters and just things new moms need. You know, they created this beautiful space for them. And I thought, wow, that is so powerful because postpartum can feel so isolating. Like, you can feel totally alone. You go to Chur, but even there, you know, you have a few minutes of kind of meet and greet. There's just not a lot of time to actually do life during that time, you know, and to create the space, the opportunity for moms to come and just be who they are with other moms in that season of life is great. And they are also doing, like, nesting parties, which I thought was so cool. Like, she's like, oh, this mom's about to have a baby. She's three weeks out. Okay, we're all coming to your house and we're going to have help you clean, or we're all doing your postpartum meal prep together, you know, where we're stocking your freezer. And I was like, that is just hands and feet of Jesus right there for new moms, what they need, you know? but I loved those ideas.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Those are absolutely great ideas. And, you know, Rachel, you have a whole community, and I would love for you to share because I know there are people listening who either are new moms or who know new moms and they need to be connected to your community. Where can they find you?

>> Rachel Taylor: So mamadidit.com is my website. That's M A. M A. Did it because you're doing it. dot com. That's a great place to find just blogs and resources and coaching and tips and all those things. And then, my Instagram, too. Mama did it Official. I put lots of free tips and things like that on there, too, just to be a place of encouragement and support for new moms. So both of those are great places, I think.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, what you said earlier just really resonates with me about moms looking for trusted sources of information. And you and I both know that nursing is ranked as the most trusted profession by Gallup every year. And that, you know, we are there in the most sacred spaces of welcoming life into the new world. And it is a trusted source and I will tell you, I've read Rachel's book, and it tells you, you everything you could possibly want to know as a new mom about. Again, the way that you'll change physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. It's all there. But Rachel, if a mom could only hear one thing from you in her postpartum season, what would you want it to be? What message would you give?

>> Rachel Taylor: It would be to give yourself grace. Like, we. We are so hard on ourselves, and we give other new moms all of this grace, you know, but we tend to not give it to ourselves. We really give ourselves a hard time, you know, where we think we're failing or we're not good enough or you could have done that better, you know, all those kinds of things. And it's just reminding ourselves to like, I am doing the best that I know how to do right now. I did my best today, and that's enough, you know, I'm meeting with Jesus in this two minutes that I have, and. And that's enough, enough, you know, all of those things. Knowing that this season is temporary and you need to love yourself well to. To be the best mom you can be.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You absolutely do. And a great step to doing that would be to get a copy of your book. Rachel, I'm so grateful for your voice in this space. It is so wonderful to hear your perspective as a nurse, but also as a Christ follower and looking at us as holistic human beings. And this is something that as. As we. We were talking about during the break. Childbirth is a oldest time. It's something that has been going on for a long time. But to have your trusted voice in this space, I'm very, very grateful. And if you are supporting a new mom in this season, I encourage you to pray for their family. Just pray for them. Just lift them up in prayer. And, just as Rachel just encouraged new moms to give themselves grace, I encourage you to give new families grace as they adjust. It's so hard to differentiate all of those, all of those boundaries and what does this look like? And I want to be the parent, but I'm not sure what it's like to be the parent. I want to be the best mom I can be, but I'm just figuring it out. Listen, the book again is called After Baby Comes Physical Spiritual and Emotional Recovery for Postpartum Moms. Thanks for listening in, especially if you. If this is not you, but you know someone, just pray for moms who are bringing new life into the world is such a beautiful mission. And as you do. I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you and give you peace. And I'll see you right back here tomorrow. The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.