Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends. Welcome to the middle of the week, to the middle of the day. And it is my favorite time of day. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And listen, we have got an opportunity today for you to put feet to your faith. That is a great opportunity because there are so many times where our hearts are inclined to are, moved to a certain ministry, to a certain cause. We pray for things. Those things are all very, very important. But sometimes when you feel really convicted about something, it's wonderful to have an opportunity to actually live out that faith. Take an action step. And that's what we're going to invite you to do today. You know that of my favorite guests, two of my favorite guests, actually one of them is here today, are the host of Hannah's Heart, that is Anne Cockrell and Kendra White. I've had them on the show before many times. And for those of you who may not know, Hannah's Heart is a radio show that's produced here on American Family Radio to help Christian couples who are struggling with infertility and miscarriage. And it's hosted by Anne and Kendra. And they really, the last time I was in studio and we were able to talk in person, they talked about their audience as their family just walking through this journey together, having some of these experiences that maybe they didn't ever imagine, maybe they certainly never wanted but have. Finding hope in the middle of that is so very inspiring. And this week, American Family Radio is sponsoring Bibles for babies. This is a week long initiative to raise funds for mamas who are choosing life for their babies. And you have the opportunity to give a one time gift of $10 to provide one new Bible for a precious new life that is on the way. And so we have Anne in the studio today to tell us all about it because there is a story behind this that I really can't get through without getting teared up. It's so beautiful. And thanks so much for joining us.
>> Anne Cockrell: Hey, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you so much for having me on again.
Bibles for Babies was started in honor of John Micah
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Anne, this is the second year in a row that we're doing this, so this is so exciting to see. And this initiative, Bibles for Babies, it is in honor of John Micah, who is your son, your baby who was not on this earth as long as we would want him to be. But his little life is making such a big impact. So tell us about how Bibles for babies came to be through John Micah's legacy and how our listeners can be a part of.
>> Anne Cockrell: Well, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to, to do that and to talk about John Micah. we. So John Micah, he was 26 weeks when I went into or when I had an emergency C section to have him. And he lived on Earth for about 27 minutes. And so, as you can imagine, that was so hard to walk through and is still to this day hard to think about. But as we walked through that first year, cuz that was in 2023. And so as we walked, you know, did each month we would get donuts for Mark and Jane, my older two, to I guess you would say, celebrate what would have been, you know, milestone markers for John Micah. we started doing that and as the time came closer to the one year mark, a few months ahead of time, I just was like, we've got to do something other than donuts. M. You know, to honor his birthday or to celebrate however you want to, but his first birthday. And so, I was talking to my friend Andrea who is the director at Parkgate Pregnancy center here, in Tupelo and we kind of discussed ideas of, you know, what that might, could look like. And then I went to leadership here at AFA and they, oh my goodness, them letting me do something what feels like so big, to honor my sweet boy and to remember him and get to say his name, over the radio just means so much to me and that, that's how this idea was born. Parkgate shared that they started getting new beginners Bibles for girls that come in and have a positive pregnancy test. Each one of those girls receives their first baby gift that day. And it's a new beginner's Bible for that baby. And they had a girl come in one time who had never had a Bible of her own. And she, the story is she went home that night and read her whole, that whole B M that evening. It's a beginner's Bible. New Beginner's Bible. So it's a children's storybook Bible so it is possible to read in one night. it has great illustrations in it. And she read it that night to her little belly, her baby grown in her belly and came back to Park Gate the next day and said, I want to know Jesus. I Just read this whole Bible to my baby and I want to know Jesus. And so that kind of sparked something at Park Gate. They're like, you know, we've been meeting physically needs for years, you know, whether that's formula or diapers, wipes, whatever, and those are important things. We know that. But as we as Christians know that spiritual need is just as important and more important than our physical needs. And so that is where the idea got introduced, was to start Bibles for babies and to kind of get enough Bibles in their hands at Park Gate.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm telling you, I get teared up every time you talk about it. And you know, Anne, this is the beautiful gift that we have as believers in Christ. Knowing that each person, that life begins at conception, that each baby is fearfully and wonderfully made, and a baby who is on Earth for 26 weeks, his legacy lives on. And I love that we're able to say John Micah's name, because I know that you're going to see John Micah one day again in heaven and that. And to see the, I mean, literally have goosebumps all over. I know there's people right now who are saying, yes, count me in. I will definitely do that. You can call 877-616-2396. That's 877-616-2396 or give online at afr.net/biblesforbabies So tell us again how to do this, and, and who's going to get the babies and, and let us know anything else we missed.
>> Anne Cockrell: So, yeah, so the donations will come in through afa. And Jessica, you're the one that sparked such a fun idea of buying a Bible in honor or in memory of each of your babies, because you've shared with us that you've walked through miscarriages. And so, last year you encouraged people to do that. And I thought that was such a neat idea. So we have encouraged our listeners, like, let, let this be something to do in memory of your baby you lost through miscarriage or a still stillbirth or something like that. And then in honor our babies that are thankfully still here with us. And so, it $10 provides one Bible. So, you know, if you donate $10 and that's providing one Bible and if, you know, so on from there, and any donation of any amount, you know, is appreciated. And so, I just appreciate people, being willing to do this and to get involved. And if you are walking through infertility and miscarriage, it can kind of seem crazy. To support a crisis pregnancy center because, you know, it almost feels like, man, that doesn't feel right. Like they have what I want. But, we at Hannah's Heart really encourage you to get involved where it might seem kind of hard at the time, because when we can remove the blinders off of our pains and our hurts, we can see other people's pains and hurts a little bit better. And so we just encourage you to do that.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, my goodness. And that really, I honestly had forgotten that I had done that last year, but I'm going to do that again this year. That was exactly what I, you're right, that's exactly what it was. Because I remembered that I have, I sponsor children across the world, and I sponsor four kids because I remember the Lord telling me, you know, if you can have four kids in your home, can you not sponsor four kids in the world? And so I have, like, my, my, you know, children that are there. And, And I'm going to do the same thing this year, including those pregnancies that I've experienced loss in, because I know that those are babies, those are lives, those are souls that I'll get to see one day. And I encourage our listeners to do the same. And. And you're right in. Oh, it may feel a little unsettling because you think, oh, they have what I want. But here's the thing, that I was thinking as you were saying that, Anne, is that, you know, they may have what you want, but you have what they need.
>> Anne Cockrell: And that's so good.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Is the. That's the. That's the key here. So again, you can call in 877-616-2396, or you can give online at afr.net/biblesforbabies Do it now, Pick up the phone, get on the Internet and donate to this beautiful cause.
Anne and Kendra are working on a pregnancy loss and infertility ministry
And Anne, before we let you go, I'd love for you just to tell a little bit more about Hannah's heart. I can't talk about your show enough. And last time we were on, I encouraged people, if you know someone walking through a pregnancy loss journey and infertility journey to share this program with them. Just to send it to them and just say, hey, I thought you might be interested in this. That's all you have to say. And we did get some listeners who responded back and said, I shared that. I shared that. I shared that. Which is amazing because you just never know what kind of hope and healing that might provide. So tell us about Hannah's heart and how to listen In.
>> Anne Cockrell: So our goal is just to walk with people that are walking through infertility and miscarriage, but also other areas in your life. For sure. Whenever our lives don't look like what we pictured right now, that that is, worth grieving over, you know, and especially child loss. And, we've had lady on the show who lost a husband, and then that's how she's not having children because she's now no longer married, you know, before she's 30 years old. And so, you know, it's just encouraging someone to cling to Christ even when all hope feels lost, because we know that he is the only way we're going to still have hope even when everything else around us feels hopeless sometimes. And so we hope we can be there for people, for listeners during that. We encourage people to email us@hannahsheartfa.com net if they have prayer requests, if they have praise reports, if they have show suggestions. And so we welcome all of that. We have people call in. I talked to a lady on the phone yesterday and just prayed over her and her situation. And so I appreciate that someone feels comfortable enough to tell me when they're walking through a hard time and just, you know, being open with me and open with the Lord and saying, this doesn't feel good. This doesn't feel good. But God, you are always good, even when our situations don't feel that way.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you just said my two favorite words together in the history of ever. But God, not for that. And, you know, before I let you go and I would love to pray for this and, and so join me in prayer. I'm inviting the listener to join. Join us in prayer. Dear God, I just thank you so much for the precious life of John Micah. God, I thank you for the legacy that you've gifted him. And I just pray for that, people would be moved to gift Bibles to New Life God, because you are the ultimate giver of New Life. And God, I pray for all of these mamas who will be receiving the Bible. We pray for the health of their babies. We pray for them and their situations and whatever they're facing. God, we pray that you would be real to them, that you would bless them and keep them and make your face to shine upon them. God, that you would make stories of redemption for whatever needs redeeming. God, that you would make beauty from ashes and give hope for despair in any situation that is needed. God, I just pray that you would bless this effort. Bless the ministry of Anne and Kendra on Hannah's heart. God, we just ask these things in your name. Amen. In your son's name. Amen.
>> Anne Cockrell: Amen. thank you so much, Jessica. That was beautiful.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Amen. Well, thank you so much, Anne. And I look forward to having an update. And I know that we'll. It's not goodbyes. We'll see you again real soon.
>> Anne Cockrell: That's right. And I can't wait.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Okay. All right. God bless.
American Family Radio is a listener supported ministry and we have a question for you
Well, listen, we are coming up on a really important time for American family radio, and that is Share a thon. There's just two times a year where we ask our listeners for support. American Family association is a listener supported ministry and we have a question for you. We want to know, has the Lord used American Family Radio in your life? Have we been there or just given the right thought at just the right time right when you needed it? We would love for you to share your story as we prepare for that fall. Share a thon. I have to say that's one of my favorite parts of Sharathon is listening to listener testimonies. And so what you can do is call and just share for a minute or two and you might hear yourself during shareathon because we play those recorded listener testimonies and there are many times that moves me to tears. That doesn't take much. But I have a real. I'm a sensitive soul and I love seeing God at work among our American family radio family. Our listener storyline is, are you ready for this? Okay, write it down or put it in your phone. It's 877-876-8893. Once again, that's 877-876-8893 again. All you have to do is just call and share your story just a minute or two about maybe your favorite program, your favorite host, or just a, way that American family radio has ministered to you. Share a Thon is a time where we get to tell those, those stories, where we get to lift them up. And in a world full of doom scrolling, don't you love to hear a little bit of good news? I want to thank you, my listeners. Here we are, the marriage and family hour here at American Family Radio. And we are just honored to be able to bring you topics that, families are struggling with today. Families of all ages and stages across the lifespan. And I'm so appreciative of all of those views of every one of you who is so invested in being a, light and a hope for your family. When we come back, I have some really important information to Share about school safety. So don't go away. Candice talks about finding out she was pregnant. Thankfully, an ultrasound provided by PreBorn allowed her to hear her baby's heartbeat. The sonogram sealed the deal for me. My baby was like this tiny little spectrum of hope and I saw his heart beating on the screen and knowing that there's life growing inside, I mean, that sonogram changed my life. I went from just Candace to mom. Thank you to everybody that has given these gifts. You guys are giving more than money. You guys are giving love. Preborn currently has clinics that do not have ultrasound machines. Would you consider a leadership gift and sponsor a machine today? These life Saving machines cost $15,000 more than most centers can afford. Your donation will save countless lives for years to come. Dial pound250 and say the keyword baby or go to preborn.com/AFR.
>> If I Got Jesus by Ben Fuller and Megan Danielle: I've had a dollar to my name I've had friends that walked away and I've even lost myself a time or two There were bridges crossed and burned but through all the wreckage I have learned there is one thing that I can never lose. If I got Jesus I've got all that I, could ever need Take the world away from me and I'll be okay if I got Jesus There's a hope that's living deep inside A joy that I could never hide In a safe place to fall if I got Jesus I got it all.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. Friends. That's if I Got Jesus by Ben Fuller. And some days there just are no words. And today is one of those days. If you have not heard. There was tragically, horribly, awfully no words to break this news. But there was another school shooting today. And those are words that I pray I never have to say. This one happened in Minneapolis at a Catholic school. We do know that there are fatalities. We do know that there are multiple injuries. And that is news that it is breaking. And that's what I'm going to talk about today for the remainder of the show. Because if you're following along, you know that since January we've been talking about 52 habits for healthy families. And we are in a season this month where we've been talking about safety. We've talked about body safety and other forms of safety. And today I'm talking about school safety. Now, this is a subject that is just so tough for us. So buckle in. I'm going to be gentle, but I'm going to give you some really important truths because here's the truth Kids around you are looking to you to interpret the events that are unfolding across the news. They are looking to you to help give them some assurance of safety. How do we give that to them when we don't even feel it? Now, I can tell you that seeing school shootings across the news is one of the most horrifying experiences. Experiences. It is even more horrifying when it happens in your own community because your heart goes out to people you don't know. But when it's people you know in places you know, somehow it just brings that violence so much closer to home. I'm not saying it's worse in any way, shape or form. I'm just saying it's a very different, more personal kind of experience. And I remember experiencing that in my own community one very normal seeming morning when the physician that I worked with, I worked with him at a pediatric primary care clinic and at a local community regional hospital and he called me urgently and said, I need you to come and cover the clinic. They need me to go to the emergency room to take care of kids who have been shot. And I remember thinking, no, we live by pediatric trauma centers. They don't come to our hospital. And that's when I realized there's so many, they must be sending them to our hospital because the others are overwhelmed. And I took care of many of those children in the aftermath who survived. And, and it is absolutely horrifying. And one of the things that I did was talk to my son about it afterwards. He was in elementary school at the time and I just used some basic questions just to ask him, how are you feeling about what has happened? And he told me of course, that he was scared. I didn't know that and I m already knew that. But what I didn't know was how he was interpreting all of the messages of safety. And he told me that one teacher told him that he didn't need to worry about it because it was never going to happen. There teacher had bought some things off of Amazon to literally physically fortify the classroom. And another teacher told them God would take care of them. They were all, they were all well intentioned and none of those things were necessarily bad. But it is very difficult for children to interpret those things and answer the question am I safe? And now more than ever, parents are needed to create safe spaces in an unsafe world and to find safety.
I cannot imagine the grief and the anxiety that is going on after school shooting
And so I want to talk about that. The first thing that I want to do is express my condolences to everyone who was, I cannot imagine. And having Lived in the aftermath of that. I can imagine a little, but I cannot imagine just the grief and the anxiety that is going on. And right now, even at this very moment, there are healthcare providers who are working very, very hard. There are surgeons who are going into surgery and are pressed for time as they know there are cases behind them. There are parents waiting at a reunification center. There are first responders who have seen unspeakable things. There are teachers who are to account for all of the student safety. It impacts everyone. And I just encourage you just stop with me right now and let's just pray for all of those involved. Dear God, we just, we come to you just brokenhearted. We come to you just absolutely crushed over the disaster that is unfolding. God, we ask that you be in all of those moments. We know that you are close to the brokenhearted God. We pray for miracles. God, we pray for healing, we pray for restoration, we pray for justice. We pray for all of those things. God, when words, when words fail us, God, we know that the Holy Spirit intercedes and we just lift up those families, that community to you. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. We do know that God is present to the suffering. And every time you see it on the news, I encourage you just to stop and pray. And I know that there is a lot of, a lot of talk about thoughts and prayers. But a prayer is never going to be wasted in light of whatever else needs to be done. And the most important thing that needs to be done for you in your home is to talk to your kids. If you have kids, if you have grandkids, just know that there is growing parental and student fears about violence. I remember not too long after the shooting had occurred in our community, I went to go work in a school for the day to do sports physicals. And as I laced up my sneakers, I remember feeling fear for the first time. I'd never felt fear going to a school, but I did. And it crossed my mind in thinking about what could happen, what might happen. And it is normal to be anxious about that. It is normal to have feelings of fear. You are not alone in that. And we've got to recognize the, the balance, we've got to be honest. But we do not grieve as those who have no hope.
Talk to your kids about the news without traumatizing them or making them fearful
And so I'm going to talk about the, some trauma informed techniques today to talk to your kids about this honestly without traumatizing them, without making them fearful. Because fear is very contagious, but so is calm and so is confidence. Now here's the thing, let's start by talking about this because as kids hear about this news, it is traumatizing. It is traumatizing to kids to even hear about it in various degrees. Now, most of the time that's going to be what we call little t trauma. But trauma doesn't look the same across the ages. And so they may not have the words to be able to tell you that they're scared or they're worried about it or they've heard it on the news, in the car, at their relative's house or in the grocery store. So look for those developmental presentations of trauma. Now young kids, they're not going to say, oh, I'm feeling afraid. But they might have regression behaviors. Maybe they're more clingy, maybe they start waking up with nightmares, maybe they're having accidents in the night or just they're saying, my stomach hurts, my head hurts. And it can look like that because here's the thing. Children, when they don't have the words or the emotional capacity to, to tell you what they feel, they speak to you through their bodies. And we've got to listen to that. Yesterday we talked a lot about our bodies and the way that God made them. And God made our bodies to process psychological distress through physical symptoms. Now what do I mean by that again? Younger children, they may have stomach aches or headaches or they may feel nauseous. Those can be manifestations of psychological stress. Signs of psychological stress. For school age kids, maybe they just keep going to the nurse's office and they just vaguely say, I don't feel good. I'm not sure what's wrong. They don't have the words to say it. Maybe it's trouble sleeping or nightmares or just being tired or their muscles hurts or I feel dizzy or they're just more easily startled. Now for teenagers, that can be headaches, migraines, tummy aches, and things that feel like that can actually lead to anxiety or panic attacks like shortness of breath or feeling pain or pressure in your chest or your heart is racing. And sleep is a really key indicator there. So the absence of words doesn't mean the absence of fear. It doesn't mean the absence of anxiety. Just because they can't speak, it doesn't mean they don't feel it. And sometimes kids bodies tell a story and our own do too, before they can. Now, trauma, the way that they express this, it's going to depend on a few things. I'm going to give you four things here that it depends on the first thing is the exposure level. Now, kids who are direct eyewitnesses, that is going to be the highest risk of having a traumatized experience from that. Indirect exposure happens from repeating the news coverage, seeing repeated news coverage. We've seen the story on loop. So as hard as it is, get the news that you need and then turn it off. Do not let your kids be exposed to that end on end, because it imprints visual images on their mind that are really hard for them to process. At their developmental age, they might also hear classmates talk about this or give details that they hadn't heard before. That's an example of indirect exposure. It can still make kids really fearful or anxious or have those physical complaints. They can also have a kind of community exposure, living in a city where it's happened. So for those children living in Minneapolis today, or living in a city where something has happened close, that can create kind of a baseline of chronic stress. And so those things can happen. So think about your child's level of exposure and minimize their exposure as much as possible. Give them the truth, the facts, but in a short way, in a factual way, and in a way that's not constantly exposing them. The second thing that impacts this is your child's temperament. So children who are sensitive, who are fearful by nature, just kind of anxious in general, they are more likely to internalize their fears. They're not going to talk about it, but when they internalize it, their body's going to externalize it by showing up as tummy aches and headaches and just kind of being more withdrawn. Now, those kids you have who are bold, who are impulsive, who are confident, they are more likely to externalize their feelings. They might be aggressive, they might throw something, they might act out, they may disobey, they may have risky behaviors. That's maybe not just misbehavior. That can be a way to say, hey, I'm trying to process these emotions here. And kids who are just the empathetic, kids who feel everybody's pain and who want to heal everybody, they may carry that trauma of others, and they may feel really, really sad, even if they don't know anybody involved. And so take your child's temperament into consideration. The third thing to think about is their developmental stage. For those kids who are really young, they fear being separated from their parents. So what they need is to be close to you. So I would encourage you tonight, when you get them home, just be close. Be in their presence, sit on the couch with them, sit at the table with them, linger at bedtime, at tucking them in, be physically close. They just need reassurance of your physical presence. Older kids are going to worry more about the what if scenarios, because their brains are going to start to process, what if this could happen to me? And they might experience some trouble at school because they can't focus, because they're thinking, am I safe? Is this going to happen? Is this kid with this kid do this? All of these things that they start to think that can happen. And so you need to talk through that with them and just give them an open invitation to talk about it. And I'll tell you how to do that specifically here in just a minute. Now, teens are more likely to express their trauma as anger at God or feeling hopeless about the future. They may be just angry at the injustice of it all. They're processing it on a much more abstract level. But here's the most important thing. The fourth thing to consider is what are the protective factors that you can engage even tonight with your family? One of the biggest protective factors for kids is having a strong attachment to their parents or their caregivers. And so when you see those kids, give them a hug, make them cookies today, do something special, spend time with them, just reaffirm that attachment, pray with them, give them scripture that is helpful because it promotes them them to be grounded and it helps with resilience and engage them in their supportive community. Being around more people who love them, whether that's church groups or after school activities or extended families or clubs, whatever it is, that is really, really important. And so when you see your kids start to have some of these physical signs where their body is telling you, okay, I'm having trouble experiencing and processing these feelings. Validate it, don't dismiss it and say you're just trying to get out of school. Just say, hey, sometimes our feelings can make our tummies hurt. Can you tell me what's worrying you right now? And provide some language for them. Just say when they're acting out. Just say, oh, I can see you're feeling anxious. I see you're feeling fearful. I see you're scared. I see you're happy. Give them those words. Younger, kids, they just need happy, scare, happy, sad, scared and mad. But older kids need words like overwhelmed. I'm feeling hopeless. I'm feeling anxious. And then you can start to deal with that feeling. Creating some safe and predictable routines is really important for your family because when they feel those traumatizing feelings or experiences, it makes them feel unsafe. And the thing that's Going to make them feel safe is being consistent. So having that, that dinner time together, even if it's chaotic, even if it's takeout, whatever it is, if you're gathered around the family together, if you're praying with them at bedtime, whatever you do as a family, you take a walk together, you do a family devotional, do the things that you can to be most consistent and model calmness. Because children take their emotional cues from us. And if you're glued to the news, then they're going to pick up on that fear.
Having verses about God protecting us is really important in times of stress
And above all, we just have to remind kids, as m much as hard as it is, and as much as we don't understand, that God is their protector. And I think of Psalm 91:1 now, you'll know that this. Notice that this makes 9:1:1 like an emergency. And so Psalm 91:1 is a great verse to go to in times of stress. And we can speak. We can speak words of life over them. Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. And having some verses about just God protecting us is really important. And just pray with them that, when we, when we feel afraid, help us remember that you are with us. Psalm 56:3 says, When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Sometimes I just repeat that over and over and over again. And if your child has been severely impacted in some way, they're having those physical symptoms and you can't really pinpoint why, if they're not functioning well at school and their friendships or their sleep sleep or those are signs that maybe you might need some help. So I'd encourage you to talk to your primary care provider about some strategies that you can use early that are really, really helpful. And the takeaway for parents is that trauma doesn't always shout. It's not always obvious. It often whispers, and it speaks to us through the body. So stay observant, respond with compassion, and give them some guidance from God's word and help your kids carry that fear straight to the cross, straight to the foot of Jesus, where we don't understand. When we come back, I'll talk some more about how to have some developmentally appropriate conversations. We'll see you on the other side of this break. And my father, your great grandfather fought in World War II. Really? He was a gunner on the big ship out in the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Your great grandmother did her part, too. Was she on a ship? Oh, no, she stayed back home. She and a lot of her friends worked really hard in a factory because the men had gone off to war and they held scrap metal drives to help in the war effort. The folks back home were heroes, too.
>> Jeff Chamblee: Here at the American Family association, we consider you the heroes back home as you fulfill your responsibility of caring for your family day to day. Your partnership with us is crucial as we fight the enemies of freedom in America. Thank you for your commitment to the American Family Association. Grandpa, what's a scrap metal drive? Let's get some cookies and I'll tell you all about it.
>> Impossible Things by Chris Tomlin: You heal the brokenhearted? You set the captive free? You lift the heavy burden. And even now you are lifting me. There is no healer like the Lord our maker? There is no equal to the king of kings. Oh, our God is with us. We will fear no evil. Cause you do impossible things? You do impossible things.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Impossible Things by Chris Tomlin. And we have a bit of sad news today. If you have not yet yet heard. There was a school shooting reported in Minneapolis at a Catholic school. Very young children involved. We do know that there are some children who have died in multiple fatalities. And it's talking about impossible things. It seems impossible to find the words to express the grief and the outrage that we all feel collectively as a country to see such injustice happen. But today I'm going to talk to you about how to talk to your kids about this because they will hear about it and it is really important. So let's dive into having some developmentally appropriate conversations for young kids, for preschool kids, for year very young elementary school kids. Keep it very simple and concrete. Some kids got hurt at school today. There are some helpers who keep you safe at school. Just focus on safety, focus on, you, are loved and people are working to try to keep you safe, safe. And for elementary age, you're going to validate their feelings. It's okay to feel scared, it's okay to feel angry. Answer their questions honestly, but provide reassurance in that. Avoid graphic details, turn off the news, don't let them be exposed to that on loop and reinforce the things that are there for their safety. Because a lot of times kids ask really hard questions. But here is the power of the pivot. You're going to pivot that question from the graphic details they may be asking about. And you're going to pivot that to how you're working to keep them safe. So you, they might ask a question like, did, was there blood? Okay, I know that's really hard. That's an honest question that kids could ask and you could say something like that sounds scary to think about. But listen, what's most important for you to know is that they're teachers and helpers at school. There are teachers and helpers at school who work very hard to keep you safe. Let's talk about some of the ways that they keep you safe. And you might just say yes and then just pivot. Or they might ask you how many kids died? And you say, yes, some kids died. And that's really sad. I can tell that worries you. Instead of thinking about numbers of those kids, let's talk about how many helpers are there? How many people can you think of who help you? And again, this is for younger kids. And you, you may say, you know, they may ask you questions about the perpetrator and you can say, well, a very sad and wrong choice. But you know what? Even in scary times, God promises to be with us. Let's think of ways. Let's pray for those kids at your school and let's ask God to help us feel strong and safe. Those are things that really happen. If they ask you a specific thing about what happened, you can say something like, I don't think it's helpful for us to picture that. But what I do want you to picture is when you feel unsafe, the people you can go to, who do you picture in your mind that you can go to and what you can do? And I want you to picture God protecting you. No matter where you are, he will always be with you. So in general, M less is more. Just answer briefly, answer calmly, don't give any unnecessary detail, but answer their questions and just redirect gently. Move the conversation from what happened to what we can do and focus on what kids can do themselves. When I was talking to my son about this, he told me that kids at school were looking online for bulletproof backpacks and should he get one, well, we were able to navigate through that conversation. And what he ended up doing was writing cards for the kids that I was caring for in the hospital who had experienced violence. And that was really meaningful to them. It was really meaningful to him. And don't underestimate what kids can do in this situation and just remind them of God's presence and protection. I frequently will tell my kids, God is our refuge and strength and ever present help in time of trouble. God is our refuge and strength and ever present help in trouble. I will repeat it all the time and that's important now for teens, you're going to need some more honest two way dialogue. You need to Acknowledge their fears and their frustration and have some bigger conversations. Use this as an opportunity to have those bigger conversations. But regardless of what age or stage your family, you can definitely pray for your family's safety and for those who were impacted. That's really important. I want to say again, over exposure to the news and that doom scrolling, it intensifies that trauma response. It can intensify anxiety. So definitely get the news that you need to get and then turn it off. Resist the urge to stare at the television, to have it on continuously. When you have children around, that is really, really difficult. Limit their direct exposure and that is really important. And when you're watching it with them and answer their questions, don't just leave it on for them to watch on their own. And that is really important. And we can tell them, hey, our your story is not going to be written by the news cycle. Your story is written and by God, God holds your story and that's really important.
Talk to your kids about school safety strategies without making them unnecessarily afraid
So we can give our kids safety strategies but without making them unnecessarily afraid. So some practical things you can do or to talk about. What is your school safety plan? What have they told you to do when you're when you're feeling afraid? I know there have been multiple other hoaxes that have happened this week and I've talked to people who have been directly involved in those and those are just as terrifying in the moment. And the. So this is something that is impacting people across the country. So talk to them about their school safety plan. Teach them practical safety, but avoid alarmist talk like you know this happened in worst case scenario. Just ask them what they would do. Reinforce trust in caring adults m connect them to their teachers, to law enforcement, to school staff, whatever that may be. And it's a really great time for you as a family to have a family safety plan. If something happens, where's your check in point? Who's going to check in? When, where do you meet? How are you going to communicate? Who's that emergency contact? Who's going to make sure everybody is okay? That is really important and just some basic coping mechanisms for feeling those feelings of panic, deep breathing or prayer or those kinds of things can be really, really helpful. And we've talked about those a lot of times before. And really what we're trying to help our kids do is find hope in a situation that just seems really, really hopeless. And these tragedy tragedies are extremely heartbreaking. But fear doesn't have to have the final word. We can help our family to be Resilience. We know that things that make us resilient are, everything that we have been talking about every week. So if you want, you think, okay, my family needs to be more resilient, go back and listen to any Friday show we talk about habits for healthy families. All of those things will help your family become more resilient, become stronger relationally and emotionally. And so listen to those. I would really encourage you to do that. That. And it's also a good time to remember that you don't have to have all the answers. Just being there, just showing up, just listening is powerful because listen, I want you to picture this. When kids start seeing what's happening on the news and that fear cycle starts running in their head because their fear center develops way faster than their rational center for learning and for emotion processing. It's like their brain gets this toxic sludge of stress chemicals and it starts to saturate their brain. And what you do in that moment, when you're physically present, when you put your arm around them, when you give them a hug, when you whisper words of encouragement, when you speak life to them, you turn off that faucet of stress chemicals and you give their brain a minute to breathe. I'm speaking really generally here, but that's basically in very simple terms what happens. That's the building blocks of resilience. That's how we teach them to cope. That stress goes off for just a minute and they learn how to respond to stress in a healthy ways and find a way to serve. Whether that is, however you can shift from that fear to action is really, really, really helpful. And I often. Another scripture that's very comforting to me comes from Romans 15:13. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him. And sometimes we just have to trust in him because we don't understand this at all. And there are so many things that keep us, ah, afraid and, and violence at schools is definitely one of them. We worry about our kids going to school and even going to school on the way there and on the way back can be really scary. And so let me talk a little bit about keeping your kids safe, not just at school, but on the way to school and on the way home to school because that trip to and from school may seem routine. You know, we have fears about what's happening in the news today, but it's much more likely that we could have an accident or a roadway crash on the way to school or back, that is motor, ah, vehicle crashes are actually the Number one cause of death for children and teens in the United States. Now this seems depressing. And you're thinking, why are you telling me this? This is so depressing. But the, the truth is we, it can help us regulate our fears about the, those, those other things that can happen that are more rare. And the good news is we have a lot more control over our family's car safety. And so that's really important. Car seat safety is really important. Always consult your child's primary care provider to get individualized recommendations for their age, their weight, their developmental stage, and follow your state laws. But that's really important. The one thing I do want to give a, shout out for today is booster session seats. Most parents are really stringent about those infant car seats, but they don't. They get a little more lax when they get to the booster seats because the kids start to complain, oh, I don't, how long do I have to sit in this? I don't want to sit in this anymore. And it's kind of a pain to switch it back and forth from car to car. I had one of my children who had to be in a booster seat through junior high. And yes, they were dragging that seat through the junior high parking lot. But I was that moment because I know how important safety is. So make sure, you know, from your primary care provider, how old your child has to be. Generally speaking, it's until they're about 4 foot 9 inches and about 80 pounds. Again, that's a general recommendation. Consult your, primary care provider for a specific one. But that is a long time. And make sure that that lap belt is, is positioned correctly, that it is, goes across their chest and not their neck and their face. And so that is really important to do. But we even talking about some kids may ride the bus. So getting to the school, getting to school on the bus, we can talk to them about being safe on the bus from the moment they leave our house to the moment they get back. Get there early. That's one of the best things that you can do because if you're late, you're going to run and then you could not be looking, run out into the street. You can trip and fall. So make sure you have enough time to get there early. That will avoid, avoid hurrying and injury and talk to them about where they should stand, how they should get on, how they should get off. That's really important. But you know where we see a lot of safety concerns in getting our kids to and from school is in the car line with the parents, let's just all take a minute to look at ourselves. Because everybody gets there early. Everybody. It's a long line, and, and a lot of people are on their phone, and that is just not okay. We really got to create a culture where that is not okay. Unless you are parked and your car is not running and you're there, you know, waiting with 30 minutes to kill. If your car is in gear, you really shouldn't have any cell phones at all. Follow the school rules. Model that in being respectful. Because a lot of times what we do as parents is we say, like, yeah, that rule's good for you, but not for me. But here's the thing. Our kids do what we do. They don't do what we say. So if we're wearing our seatbelt, they will wear their seatbelt. If we are not on our phones while we're driving, our teens are less likely to be on their phone while they're driving. We need to model respect for the rules. That is really, really important. And I have seen accidents happen where people have dogs on their lap or people who are looking at their phones. That is really important. So model that safety in the car line. Now, why am I talking about this? Really? In light of everything that's happened today, these are the ways that we are communicating to our kids that we are committed to their safety. And when they hear news like they hear today, they think, oh, I don't feel safe. And they want to see us doing things that show that we are committed to their safety. And one of those things that we can do is just follow the rules in the car line. Now, nobody has more concerns about safety than teens, and that is really important. Some of those core risks are distracted driving. Texting while driving increases the risk of an accident by 23 times. And even hands free calls can reduce our attention by up to 37%. Speeding is involved in about a third of teen crashes. And nearly half of teens who lose their life in a car accident are not wearing their seatbelt. Having more passengers in the car, the risk of a crash doubles. With one teen passenger, it triples with two. So we can take a parental role in helping our teens to drive safely two to school and back. That's really important. Having a, modeling good driving, that is really important to do. And I encourage you to have a driving agreement with your teens. The Centers for Disease Control actually has a campaign called Parents are the Key, and there is a sample of a parent teen driving agreement on there that you can download. It's called it's from the cdc. Just look for the Parents are the key campaign pain online and that will give you some great tips to talk through. It talks about the non negotiable safety rules and the consequences for violating them. That might be a great point of conversation for your family. And regardless of what where your family is, what age and what stage, I pray that God will protect you. I pray for the safety of your families. I pray the Lord will bless you you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. We continue to pray for those families who are involved and we lift our concerns to the Lord. And in all of that, I'll see you right back here tomorrow.
>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
